Olivia's Experiment
by darkclocks
Summary: After a tough case, it's finally time for Alex to tell Olivia how she feels. Alex/Olivia pairing. Multi-chapter fic going through the early stages of their relationship and struggles.
1. Chapter 1

Olivia Benson sat back on the couch in her apartment with a glass of red wine. She had finally been cleared in the shooting of Eric Plummer and wanted nothing more than to get back to normal...if that was possible.

She still hadn't fully warmed back up to Elliot after he had a protective detail put on her without telling her. She had forgiven him, and understood, but she was still mad and not ready to let him off the hook.

Then there was ADA Alex Cabot. Olivia expected Elliot to act like an overpowering big brother from time to time, but for Alex to accuse her of being drunk, still sent her into a rage when she thought about it.

Yes, Alex had apologized, and Olivia knew she was just doing her job; she just thought they had reached a level in their friendship that Alex wouldn't need to ask a question like that of her.

But tomorrow, Olivia planned to go back to work, to work through her feelings, get over it, and return to normal. She would just treat her relationships with more caution in the future, and expect less from people. She was used to being alone, after all.

[ _Knock. Knock. Knock._ ]

 _Who could be knocking on Olivia's door at this time of night? It wasn't that late, but Olivia wasn't used to unannounced visitors...or any at all, really._

Olivia walked to the door and looked through the peephole, making note of where her gun was.

 _Alex Fucking Cabot._ Olivia let out a sigh, unlocked the chain, and opened the door.

"Alex. What are you doing here?" Olivia said, not even trying to hide her displeasure.

"Nice to see you, too, Detective," Alex said with a cocky smile.

Olivia moved out of the way and gestured for Alex to come inside, shutting and locking the door behind her.

Alex handed Olivia a bag. "I thought maybe you could use some dinner and wine," Alex said, "but I see you already have started the wine."

"So you came to see if I was drunk again?" Olivia spat, turning away from Alex. "I think you should go..."

"Olivia," Alex cut her off. "Do you think I would have brought wine if I was concerned about that?" She just looked closely at Olivia, aware that her voice was rising.

Olivia didn't respond.

"Olivia, I am sorry about what I said. You were right. I do know you better than that, and I was wrong," Alex said sincerely and with a defeated tone.

Olivia loosened up a bit, walking to the kitchen to grab a couple of plates for their dinner. "Wine?" she asked.

"Yes, please," Alex said.

The two women sat quietly as they began eating dinner at Olivia's coffee table.

Finally Alex broke the silence, "So, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine, Alex," Olivia said in a slightly annoyed tone.

"I know that you are, Liv," Alex said gently. "You're a strong person, but I just want you to know if you need anything - to talk, or to not talk - I'm here for you."

Olivia smiled. "Thank you." She appreciated Alex not pressuring her to talk. Of course she wasn't _okay_ but the fact that Alex genuinely thought she would be gave her a sense of comfort and trust in her ADA.

Alex got up and grabbed their plates to clear the table.

"You don't need to do that, Alex. I can get it," Olivia said.

"It's okay. I got it," Alex said firmly. "You go sit down on the couch and pour us another glass of wine. I'm here to take care of you tonight."

Olivia did as she said without a fight, much to Alex's surprise.

Alex returned to the couch, sitting next to Liv. She was acutely aware of her growing feelings toward Olivia, even more so after the past week they had. She had been worried for Olivia and devastated when Olivia felt like she betrayed her trust. They had grown so close lately, but she wasn't sure if her feelings were just her own. She sensed a tension, even tonight, but she wasn't sure when, if ever, she would be able to act on it. Heck, she didn't even know if Olivia was gay, but she did feel like there was a chemistry between them.

Alex was lost in her thoughts when she heard Olivia speaking to her.

"Alex? Are you there?" She heard Olivia teasing, waving a hand in front of her face.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I just let my mind wander for a moment. It's been a long week," Alex apologized.

"I understand," Olivia said. "I was just saying that I'm really glad you came over tonight. I'm sorry I wasn't very welcoming when you got here."

"No, Liv. You were understandably hurt," Alex stopped her. "I want you to know that I will always trust you. I mean, sometimes our jobs will put us at odds, but please never doubt my confidence and trust in you."

"Likewise, Counselor," Olivia said with an almost flirty smile, as she put her hand on top of Alex's hand. Alex returned the smile and squeezed Olivia's hand, not letting go.

Listen, Olivia," Alex started. It was time for her to be honest with her friend. "This may be a bad time, and is definitely completely unprofessional, but would you like to go out sometime...like, on a date?"

Alex said it quickly, and Olivia wasn't even sure she heard her correctly. She was stunned, and just looked at Alex with her mouth slightly open, processing what she had just been asked.

Alex, embarrassed and nervous by Olivia's lack of response, immediately pulled her hand back, and started talking again. "I'm sorry. That was stupid. Here we are having a nice time, and I don't even know if you are gay, and let's just forget this happened, okay?"

By the time Alex finished speaking that time, Olivia had no doubt that she had heard Alex correctly. As Alex started to get up to leave, Olivia grabbed her hand.

"No, Alex," she said. Alex looked disappointed as Olivia's seeming rejection.

"No. I mean, yes," Olivia paused, flustered in her speaking. She couldn't believe this was happening. "What I'm trying to say is you're not stupid, and yes, I would like to go on a date with you."

"Really?" Alex asked, as her eyes widened and she smiled. She sat back down.

"Yes!" Olivia said. "I mean, I guess maybe we've been feeling the same thing. I can't pretend that I don't have feelings for you, or that my stomach doesn't turn into butterflies when you're around."

"You, too, huh?" Alex blushed.

Olivia continued, "And, as to whether or not I'm gay or not, I honestly don't know."

Alex looked at her puzzled and concerned.

"I mean, I've never dated a woman, but I've never ruled it out. I've definitely been attracted to women before, but it just so happens that I've only dated men," Olivia said, pausing only slightly. "That said, I would like to go on a date with you and see where this could go. But, just so you know, you're not an experiment for me, Alex, if you're concerned about that."

"I imagine there could be worse things in the world than being an 'Olivia Experiment'," Alex teased. "And just so you know, I have no expectations from you. We go out, we see how it goes, and take it from there. Agreed?"

"Agreed." Olivia nodded.

The two women sat back on the couch, wine in hand, feeling more relaxed than they had in months. It had been a hell week, but they finally knew somehow it was all going to be okay.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I wasn't sure when I started if this would be multiple chapters, but I decided to keep going. This is my first attempt at fanfiction, so feedback is appreciated!

It had been over a week since Alex had showed up on Olivia's doorstep. SVU had gotten a case the past weekend, preventing the two ladies from going on their date. However, it was Friday afternoon, and it looked like the team was going to get a free weekend, finally.

Olivia closed up the folder on her desk, filing it away, and grabbed her jacket.

"You're getting out of here early," Stabler asked her. "Hot date tonight?" Stabler grinned at his partner.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Olivia said with a head toss and a smirk as she headed toward the elevator.

She didn't know what Alex had planned for tonight. All she knew was that Alex promised to pick her up at 7:00 pm and that she was to dress nicely. Olivia knew she would need to hurry home to be ready in time. If she knew anything about Alex Cabot it was that she didn't like to be kept waiting.

Alex knocked on Olivia's door promptly at 7:00 pm. Olivia opened the door quickly. She had been nervously pacing around the living room. When she opened the door, she saw Alex holding a bouquet of wildflowers and dressed in a stunning red dress. It was all Olivia could do to keep the drool from running out of her open mouth.

"Wow," was the only thing Olivia was able to say.

"Wow, yourself," Alex said and smiled at Olivia as she handed her the flowers.

 _God, that smile is going to be the death of me,_ Olivia thought.

Alex and Olivia took a cab to a restaurant in Brooklyn. Olivia had never heard of it. It was small, and the host took the two women to a booth in the back. The lighting was dim and it would definitely give them the discretion that they both knew they needed.

"This place this fantastic, Alex. Thank you so much for tonight."

"My pleasure. I'm sorry I didn't plan more than dinner. I just thought that since we both had a long week, and this is new, that low-key would be nice."

"It's perfect."

The two women smiled at each other and Olivia reached across the table and put her hand on top of Alex's hand.

The cab ride home seemed to take longer than the ride there. Both women could feel the sexual tension building inside, but there was also an air of nervousness they both felt. They knew that a relationship between an SVU detective and their ADA could be disastrous if anyone found out. However, they both were willing to take the chance to find out what, if anything, this was happening between them.

Alex walked Olivia to her door. They were both standing as close to each other as possible while doing their best to keep their hands to themselves.

"Would you like to come in?"

Alex opened her mouth to speak but hesitated.

"I just mean, for some tea. I didn't mean anything else," Olivia felt the need to explain.

"I'd love to," Alex said as she walked into the apartment.

Olivia closed the door and took Alex's coat to hang up.

Alex took a seat on the couch while Olivia went to the kitchen to make some tea. When she returned to the living room, she sat close to Alex on the couch.

"I had a really great time tonight, Alex."

"Me, too."

Olivia took Alex's hand. "Would it be okay if I kissed you?"

Alex smiled. "Yes, I would like that."

Olivia leaned in and slowly pressed her lips to Alex's. It was slow, soft, and just as amazing as Olivia had imagined it.

"Are we really doing this?" Olivia asked. "I mean, us?"

"I hope so," Alex said, with a smile.

She did hope so. It was only one date, but Alex knew this was exactly what she wanted. She just hoped that Olivia felt the same way.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and encouragement. I'm not sure how long this will be yet, and I know it's slow moving, but this is my first. So thanks for the patience.

* * *

It had been a month since Olivia and Alex had began seeing each other. They were spending as much time together as they could without anyone getting suspicious.

Despite that, things were still moving at a snail's pace. Neither was sure why. I mean, the attraction and chemistry was definitely there. However, there was something that made this different for both of them. They were afraid of ruining what they had by moving too fast, and they both knew the implications were far greater than just their relationship.

It was almost as if they were protecting each other from themselves.

Olivia had decided to cook dinner for her girlfriend. _Was she her girlfriend? They hadn't really talked about it._ It was Friday night and if all went well, neither of them would have to think about work until Monday morning.

Olivia had just pulled the eggplant parmesan out of the oven and was putting the bread in when she felt someone snake in behind her and began kissing her neck. she jumped and spun around to see Alex.

"Shit! Alex!" She never even heard Alex come in. "How did you get in?"

"Your door was unlocked," Alex said. "You know, for an NYC detective, you really should know better," Alex said as she gently kissed Olivia.

"Well, I guess I was a little distracted trying to cook the perfect dinner for some hot blonde," Olivia teased.

"She sounds like a lucky girl."

"Oh, I think I'm the lucky one," Olivia said as she smiled and winked at Alex.

 _God, that smile will be the death of me_ , Alex thought.

"Wine?" Olivia asked. "I got your favorite."

"Of course you did. I'd love some."

Olivia poured two glasses of wine, took the bread out of the oven, and the two women sat down to enjoy their dinner.

After dinner, Olivia opened another bottle of wine, put on some soft music, and joined Alex on the couch.

As Alex took the wine she joked, "Are you trying to get me drunk, Detective?"

"Maybe."

"Are you going to try and take advantage of me?" She was heavily flirting with Olivia by now.

"Alex, you know I wouldn't do that."

"I know. I was teasing," Alex said as she looked away. She sat her glass down and then looked back to Olivia. "You know, if you wanted to though, I wouldn't mind."

Olivia smiled. It was her turn to tease.

"Counselor, are you propositioning me?"

"Guilty as charged."

With that, Olivia took Alex's hand, pulled her from the couch, and led her into the bedroom.

Once they were in the bedroom, Olivia's hands began to wander over Alex's body. They had certainly wandered before, but the anticipation of making love to Alex was making her more nervous than normal.

Olivia kissed Alex's neck while her hands fumbled to unbutton her blouse. As she took Alex's top off, she moved her mouth down to the front of Alex's neck, right above her collarbone, and began to unhook her bra. Alex let out a soft moan, as she grabbed Olivia's hips and push closer to her.

Olivia stopped long enough to pull her own shirt off as Alex began to unbutton her pants. Olivia did the same as she turned Alex and moved her back toward the bed.

Olivia wanted nothing more than to ravage Alex's body, but not tonight. This was their first time together, and her first time with a women, so she wanted to make sure it was just right. And, she wanted to relish every minute of it.

She slowly pulled herself and Alex on the bed, wrapping her hands around Alex and moving her kisses back to Alex's mouth.

"Alex?"

"Mmhmm?" Alex said, trying to reclaim Olivia's lips.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Are you?"

"Yes."

"Are you nervous?" Alex knew this was Olivia's first time with a woman.

"I am, but not because of you. I just want this to be perfect."  
"It already is, Liv."

With that, Olivia kissed Alex again and began moving her hands over Alex's breast. Alex was so beautiful that she wanted to take her time. However, she knew that neither her, nor Alex would be able to hold out much longer.

Olivia slowly pushed Alex's panties down. _Lace thongs. Alex knew exactly what she was doing tonight_ , Olivia thought, laughing to herself. She wondered if Alex had worn these to court today. The thought of them under her court suit turned Olivia on even more, as she worked her way down Alex's body.

She began kissing the inside of Alex's thighs and heard a soft whimper from Alex's mouth. Olivia then moved up to Alex's center and began to slowly lick and suck on her clit.

"Oh, god, Liv," Alex moaned.

As Olivia got more comfortable, she centered herself and buried herself even more into Alex's warm, and wet, center. She held Alex's hips down to keep them on the bed.

"Oh, Liv, please," Alex pleaded. "I need to feel you."

Olivia wasted no time giving into her lover's request, as she slowly inserted one, then two fingers into Alex.

She immediately felt the warmth of Alex around her fingers. She thrusted slowly and steadily, watching Alex try hard to focus her breathing. She knew Alex was about to lose it and wanted to see her face up close.

Keeping her fingers moving inside Alex, she moved herself up, and took Alex's lips in hers. Her hands began moving faster and harder inside of Alex, and she pulled away to look Alex in the eyes. She then placed her thumb over Alex's clit, fingers still inside.

It didn't take much to push Alex over the edge. Suddenly, Olivia felt Alex begin to squeeze her fingers, as her hips shot up.

"Oh my god, Olivia! Oh, please don't stop, Liv!"

Olivia kept going, faster and faster until she felt Alex let out a scream and began to relax around her.

She stayed like that for a few moments to allow Alex time to come down before she pulled her hand away and collapsed next to Alex.

"God, Olivia. Are you sure you've never done that before?"

Olivia smiled.

"Beginner's luck, I guess."

"Oh, I think I'm the one who just got lucky."

Just then, Alex rolled over on top of Olivia, holding her shoulders down.

"Now, it's your turn." She kissed Olivia and went to work on her girlfriend. _Girlfriend. Hm, she liked the sound of that,_ Alex thought.

It was going to be a long, amazing weekend, and neither of them wanted it to end.


	4. Chapter 4

The Cavanaugh fight is coming after this chapter, but I needed to work in some pre-fighting first...because let's face it, that's what these two are good at.

* * *

Several weeks passed with Olivia and Alex being in heaven. Olivia was sure she had never been this happy before, but that was also part of her problem...she kept waiting for the shoe to drop. Her and Alex had been getting along surprisingly well at work for the most part, which was a record for them, and Stabler had begun to take notice.

"You and the Ice Princess sure seem to be getting along well lately," Stable stated, trying to figure out what was going on with his partner.

"I don't know. I guess we're just getting used to working together."

"Maybe," Stable said. He still wasn't convinced, but couldn't put his finger on what was different between the two ladies. He was okay with it if it helped them get what they needed from the ADA, though.

"Benson. Stabler. We got a case," Cragen said coming out of his office. "We have a six-year-old boy with a gunshot wound at the hospital."

The two detectives didn't waste any time heading out of the precinct.

When they arrived at the hospital, they quickly learned the boy had been abandoned there by his mother, who also gave the hospital a false name.

In the course of their investigation, someone snuck into the hospital and smothered the young boy to death. Losing such a young victim, that was alive when they first came to him, was a bit hit for the entire team, and the stress to find out what was going on with the family was mounting on the detectives and the DA's office.

"I just don't understand how a mother could leave her son alone like that!" Olivia vented to her girlfriend after the boy had died.

"Olivia, you know as well as I do that these cases rarely make sense," Alex said, trying to comfort her. Truth be told, she was just as angry as Olivia was.

"There just has to be some reason, something else that has her so frightened."

"Well, when you find her, you can ask," Alex said. It came out a little more short than she intended, but she was tired of this case and had her own pressure coming from the DA's office.

"When we find her? What do you think we've been doing, Alex? Sitting around waiting for her to come into the precinct."

"Olivia, that's not what I meant and you know it," Alex said, exasperated. "I just don't want to talk about it anymore. I'd like to relax with my girlfriend."

"Of course you don't want to talk about it. Why would a six-year old's life matter to you anyway?" Olivia yelled back. There was no winning with Olivia tonight and Alex knew it.

"I think I'm going to call it a night," Alex said. She didn't want to fight with Olivia and the best way she knew how to handle it was to leave. "We could both use a good night's sleep."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Olivia said as she turned her back to Alex, grabbed her glass of wine, and plopped on the couch. She didn't even get up to see Alex out or kiss her goodbye.

Alex left. She knew she should have opened up about how she was feeling to Olivia, but she still felt she needed to keep things together. They did have a professional relationship to maintain after all, and allowing even Olivia to see her vulnerable side and insecurities she felt, was just too much for her to deal with right now.

Over the next day, there had been a break in the case. The SVU squad had located the mother and was beginning to piece together what happened and who the mother, Maria, was so afraid of.

The case had been a clusterfuck from the beginning, but as it went on, it seemed to only get worse once Fredo, the abusive boyfriend and drug dealer Maria was afraid of, showed he was willing to do a drive-by shooting at the church for her son's funeral.

However, the case went from bad to worse when Maria left protective custody, bought a gun, and went to Fredo's house to kill him as NYPD was about to show up to arrest him. Maria shot Fredo in the leg and he survived.

Olivia couldn't believe what happened, but she was at least relieved Maria and her son Luis was safe, and that Fredo couldn't hurt her anymore.

Of course, that was until Alex waltz in demanding that Maria be arrested for the attempted murder of Fredo. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Maria was a victim and Alex wanted to prosecute her like a perp, never mind taking her away from her other son.

This time, the anger boiled up in front of others. They couldn't help themselves. Alex had an obligation to uphold the laws, and after all, wasn't it Olivia who was so upset in the first place with Maria for abandoning her son? The tension in the room was so thick, you could cut through it until Cragen intervened.

Olivia walked away from Alex and Cragen and went home and she certainly hoped she wouldn't hear from Alex Cabot for days.

Olivia had just arrived home when she heard a knock at the door. She got up to see who it was. Alex Fucking Cabot. She opened the door and motioned for her to come in.

"You have a key, Alex. You didn't need to knock."

"I know. I just wasn't sure I was welcome," Alex said slowly. "Am I?"

"I let you in, didn't I?"

Alex sighed. She knew it was a way for Olivia to avoid answering the question, but she was at least relieved she had been let in the door.

"Olivia, I'm sorry about today. You have no idea how much pressure has been on me from the DA's office over this case."

"You're right, I don't know, because you haven't talked to me about it. All you've done is walk around pretending to be the Ice Princess. What are we supposed to think?"

"You're my girlfriend, Olivia. I would expect you would give me the benefit of the doubt."

"I can do that if you promise to talk to me more."

"It's a deal," Alex said. "Now, can we just relax tonight. I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too. Although, our little fight today probably will get Stabler off my case for a while."

"What do you mean?"

"He's been asking why we were getting along so well lately, and why I've been so happy."

"What did you tell him?"

"Nothing. I just gave him a smirk and told him I didn't know," Olivia smiled. "I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm getting laid."

"Well, you haven't been recently...I hope anyway," Alex joked.

"You know, come to think of it, I haven't. Do you have plans tonight, Counselor?" Olivia said with a wink.

"I just have one thing on my docket for tonight, Detective...but I think I'm going to need some help."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: This one is longer, and follows canon quite a bit, but we get to see some of the aftermath of the case as well. Get your tissues out.

* * *

Sam Cavanaugh.

The SVU squad knew from the beginning this wasn't going to be an easy case. Of course, none of them are, but Olivia had a bad feeling about this one from the get-go.

Maybe it was that Roy Barnett was smart. Maybe it was their plan to put a wire on a teenager. Maybe it was that Alex was obsessed with getting justice and hadn't slept since they picked the case up.

Whatever it was, Olivia knew deep down that the outcome wasn't going to be tied up nicely.

The fears began to ease once Sam Cavanaugh agreed to testify against Barnett. It really was the first thing they had go their way since it began.

Olivia wanted to be with Alex that night, but she knew more than anything, Alex needed a good night's sleep, and she still had a head injury from the scuttle in the courthouse earlier in the day. Instead, she took Alex some dinner, convince her to relax in a bath, and put her to bed, with the promise of celebrating once the case was over. Alex still wasn't herself, and Olivia knew it, but she was hoping things were starting to turn around.

When Olivia got the phone call about Sam's suicide attempt, she wanted nothing more than to rush to Alex. She knew Alex would be a mess, but she also knew that they both had jobs to do, and hers required her to get to the hospital as soon as possible. She let Stabler call Alex since he offered.

When Alex arrived at the hospital shortly after they did, Olivia saw something she had never seen in Alex before. She was broken and falling to pieces. When Sam's mom saw Alex though, all hell broke lose. The yelling, the screaming. Sam's mom wanted Alex out of there and made it known right away that she blamed her for her son's condition.

Olivia didn't plan it, but she couldn't stop going to Alex to comfort her. She knew it wasn't a good idea, given their relationship, but it was her natural instinct to protect her girlfriend; and Alex let her.

Of course, if asked about it, she could easily explain it away. The SVU knew the women were close friends. It was a natural sign of affection. But tonight, Olivia didn't care what anyone thought. She simply wanted to try to make Alex feel better.

Olivia took Alex home. She figured Alex would be more comfortable in her own bed, even though Olivia had no intention of leaving her tonight. Alex didn't speak a word the entire way there; she simply fought to hold back the tears. Olivia just took her hand and squeezed it before turning into Alex's parking garage.

Once they were home, she helped Alex into her pajamas. She lay beside her, holding her, and wiping away her tears.

Before long, her phone rang, and both women jumped. They certainly didn't need any more bad news tonight.

"Benson."

"Hey, it's Stabler. I just wanted to make sure you and Alex got home okay."

"Yeah, we did," Olivia noted how Elliot rarely called Alex by her first name. "I'm going to stay with her tonight."

"I know. Take care of your girl."

 _Your girl? Is it possible Elliot knew? He couldn't, right?_

"I will. I'll tell her you called." She hung up.

"That was Elliot. He just wanted to make sure you were okay for tonight."

Alex just kept staring out the window. Olivia knew neither of them would be getting any sleep tonight, but more than anything she wanted Alex to know she was there for her.

"Alex, you know this isn't your fault, right?"

"If you say so, Liv." It was the first words Alex had spoke since the hospital. They were bitter; very unlike Alex's normal tone.

"Maybe next weekend we can take some time off and get away from the city." Olivia softly suggested. "It would do you some good to get away."

"Olivia, I don't need protecting like a child. And I'm not one of your victims."

"Woah, Alex. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel that way," Olivia was surprised at Alex's reaction. "I just thought we could both use some time away. We've been working a lot of tough cases lately."

Alex just sighed and rolled back over. When Olivia put her arms back around her, Alex squeezed her hand enough to know that she still needed her there.

The two women lay like that until morning, each knowing the other hadn't slept a wink all night.

The next morning in the squadroom, things weren't getting much better. Olivia had tried to get Alex to stay home, as she knew the DA's office could find someone else, but Alex had insisted. She seemed a bit more determined and together today than the previous night, and even a little badass with the witness at Sing Sing, but Olivia still wasn't buying it. Something was off. Alex was desperate.

And all at once, Olivia's fears were validated. When Elliot told her Sam's mom wouldn't agree to let them search her apartment, Alex lost it.

"Do you really think she cares about helping us make our case?" Olivia asked Alex, trying to deflect some of the tension away from her partner.

And boy did she ever.

"MAKE HER CARE," Alex spat at Olivia.

Cragen, trying to be the voice of reason, and seeing the look exchanged between the two women, tried to intervene by suggesting the other witness.

"Never in a million years," Alex said quickly.

"Why?" Elliot asked.

"You were sitting right across the table from him Elliott. Just based on that, do YOU think he is a good witness?" Alex was beginning to harsh in her tone again.

"MAKE HIM a good witness," Elliott said, echoing Alex's own words back at her. It was clear he didn't appreciate how she spoke to Olivia just a few minutes ago.

"I can't make his priors disappear. Besides, that case would never get past a grand jury."

"All of a sudden you just take cases you can win?" Elliot was antagonizing her now and Olivia knew it.

Alex raised her voice again, "I try the cases I am handed by this squad. You don't like the evidence I've got, find me some more. I can't do your job, TOO!"

"Can't do my what?!" Elliot smiled chest puffing.

"Out of line, Alex!" Cragen finally jumped in.

"I am not out of line, and I don't work for you! You work for me, at my discretion! Your sole purpose in the process is to bring me a case I can prosecute, not one I have to fix!"

Olivia had never seen Alex this angry. She knew Alex was out of line, even if Elliott had been taunting her. She shouldn't even be here, but she was. And now Olivia was caught in between her squad and her secret girlfriend.

"Fine, then you tell us counselor, how can we help you put this man away? What would you like us to do?" Cragen had calmed down. He knew it was the only thing that was going to de-escalate the matter, and he also knew Alex was behaving out of her normal character.

After a short pause and a sigh, Alex took a breath, calming herself down, and said, "Nothing. You've done all you can." With that, she turned and left.

Court didn't go much better. The judge dismissed the case due to lack of further evidence. But Alex still wasn't ready to let it go.

After court she approached Judge Petrosky to get a warrant for the Cavanaugh apartment, who of course, denied her request, finishing with, "You look like hell, Alexandra. Get some sleep."

If only Alex had listened. If only she had let it go, and let the SVU squad continue digging.

But she couldn't, and in doing so, risk her career along with Olivia and Elliot. Yes, she made sure she led them to believe she had a search warrant without specifically saying it. She knew they wouldn't question her. And she also knew that once they had the tapes, there is no way the judge would throw them out. She just needed the proof.

And proof she got. Of course, it came with a cost.

She was reprimanded in open court by Judge Petrosky. The judge accepted the evidence because it was the Cavanaugh's rights that had been violated and not the defendant, Roy Barnett.

And Cragen hit the roof when he found out what his detectives had done. He was even angrier when he found out Alex set them up to risk their careers by implying she had a warrant. He could not let this slide.

Donnelly suspended Alex for a month. She felt lucky, actually, that was all. But she also knew she had put her integrity on the line in front of her boss and the other judges.

Olivia, though, was disappointed. When Alex apologized to her and Elliot, she called her out. She knew she wasn't sorry. She knew her girlfriend better than anyone, and she could see right through the smug satisfied look on Alex's face when she was able to keep the tapes in as evidence.

Olivia was disappointed. And angry. She knew Alex better than anyone, but she also knew this wasn't like her. Alex not only risked the case, but she risked her own career, the integrity of the SVU Squad, and she had also taken a risk with Olivia and Elliot's jobs. She really couldn't believe Alex would do something like this.

Olivia went to her own apartment that night. She didn't feel like looking at Alex. She was still angry, even if she was worried. She couldn't bring herself to face her...not tonight.

Of course, that didn't stop Alex from showing up at Olivia's door. This time she didn't knock. She simply came right in.

"Hi," Alex said softly. She knew Olivia was angry.

"Hi," Olivia said curtly.

"Donnelly suspended me for one month."

"You're lucky."

"I know," Alex said. "Listen, Olivia. I promise you and Elliot were never in jeopardy."

"So you say."

"It's true."

"Alex, you have no way of knowing that. Elliot and I covered for you with Cragen. Or at least we tried."

"You didn't have to do that."

"Yes we did, Alex! Do you realize you could have been fired? Hell, you probably should have been."

Alex looked away.

"Alex, Elliot has a family. Kids. You put them all in jeopardy today, and he's not going to be able to let that go for a while."

"Really? Like you and Elliot have never played fast and loose with the rules before? Where do you think I learned it?"

"You're right. We have, in good faith. But we have never lied to our team and each other. Oh, but that's right, we're not a team. We work for you, at your discretion."

"Olivia Benson! Your team has been in so much trouble that Tucker and IAB has Cragen on speed dial. Don't you dare lecture me about being a team player as many messes as I've had to clean up for you!"

"At least we keep you out of our messes."

"I told you..."

"Yes, I know Alex, but it doesn't change that what you did was reckless and downright selfish. I guess I just thought you trusted us, me, more than that."

"Olivia, I couldn't tell you because I was trying to protect you."

"Alex, you may not realize it, but if anyone did any digging, they would find out about us. Hell, I think Stabler even knows. How would it look for the ADA to claim her girlfriend had no idea that she lied about having a warrant?"

Alex looked away again.

"I'll tell you. It would look like we either conspired together, or that my girlfriend clearly doesn't trust me to help her in her time of need. And if they thought you and I conspired, they would also think Elliot was in on it, too."

"So this is about Elliot. You're not mad that I risked your job. You're mad that I risked Elliot's."

"You're damn right I am! He's my partner, Alex. My best friend. He's family to me"

"Yeah, and maybe more."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't think I didn't notice how protective he was of you in the squadroom the other day, and how you didn't even speak up to defend me once when he was taunting me."

"Alex, you were out of line! I didn't defend you because your actions didn't warrant being defended." Olivia looked down and back up. "He's my partner, Alex."

"And so I am. Or so I thought."

With that, Alex turned to leave. She paused at the door, reached in her pocket, pulling out Olivia's spare key, and laid it on the table.

"Goodbye, Olivia."


	6. Chapter 6

It has been two weeks since Olivia had seen or talked to Alex. Of course, Alex was still on suspension, so she didn't have an opportunity to see her at the office. As much as part of her missed Alex, she was grateful for space.

In Olivia's mind, she and Alex were over, and not seeing each other made their break-up easier on her. _Out of sight. Out of mind._

"Hey, how's Cabot doing with her time off?" Stabler asked as they were exiting the elevator to the squad room.

"I wouldn't know. I haven't talked to her." Olivia replied. Of course, Alex had left her a couple of messages in the days after their fight, but Olivia didn't call her back.

"At all?" Stabler was in disbelieve. He knew Alex had crossed the line, and they had all been angry with Cabot, but he also knew, or at least suspected, that Olivia's relationship with Alex was deeper.

"Elliot, she hasn't been at work, in case you didn't notice. When would I have talked to her?" Olivia was deflecting Elliot's questions, trying to pretend like Alex was never anything more than a colleague to her.

"I know. I just thought...I don't know. I thought maybe you would have checked on her."

"I'm sure the Ice Princess is fine."

Just then Cragen came out informing them they had a case. Olivia was thankful she could finally get away from Elliot's questions about Alex.

* * *

Alex wasn't fine. As much as she was also trying to get over Olivia, and pretend like it didn't matter, she found herself constantly remembering their fight. She knew she was mostly to blame, but instead of accepting it, she lashed out at Olivia. She was hurt, though. In her mind, Olivia had chosen Elliot over her, in her mind. She should have expected it. They hadn't been dating that long, and no one even knew they were dating. Olivia had to keep up their appearances, but what she realized afterward is that she wanted more all along.

But, Olivia had made no effort to contact her since then. Alex even left her a couple of messages, but the lack of response told Alex everything she needed to know - Olivia had moved on and Alex wasn't as important to Olivia as she had hoped.

* * *

Stabler knew something was off with his partner. It had been two weeks since the Cavanaugh case, and it had taken a toll on everyone. However, part of the job was moving on to the next case. Olivia hadn't been herself since then, however. She seemed sad and closed off, even more than normal.

He suspected it had to do with Alex Cabot, and even though he only suspected the two women were dating, he didn't have any proof of it. He had tried over the past month or so to drop hints to Olivia, hoping to make her feel more comfortable about sharing that part of her life with him.

All the same, he couldn't take seeing Olivia like this and decided he was going to get to the bottom of it. He knew his partner could be stubborn, and the fact that she hadn't reached out to their ADA at all, relationship or not, concerned him.

After work, Stabler called Kathy and told her he would be home late. Kathy knew exactly what he meant; he had shared his suspicions and concerns with her. In fact, it was Kathy who even suggested to him that Olivia and Alex would be a good couple. He knew Kathy and his family cared as much for Olivia as he did.

By 6:30 pm, Elliot had found his way to Alex's apartment. He wasn't sure how upset she would be with him for just showing up, and he knew for certain Olivia would kill him if she knew what he was doing.

 _Knock. Knock. Knock._

Alex hadn't been expecting guests and when she looked through the eyehole and saw Elliot Stabler, she was surprised and immediately concerned for Olivia.

"Elliot? What's wrong? Is Olivia okay?" Alex asked. She couldn't think of any reason for Elliot just show up at her door.

Elliot smiled. Alex's response told him everything he needed to know.

"Everything is fine. Olivia is fine."

Alex breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, good."

Of course, now she had no idea why he was there.

"So, not to be rude, but why ARE you here?" Alex finally asked.

"I just wanted to check on you and see how you were doing with your time off."

"And you couldn't call?"

"I was in the neighborhood."

Alex wasn't buying it, but she figured she'd play along to find out why he was really here.

"I'm fine. I mean, the first few days were rough, but I was able to head upstate and visit my parents and do some reading that didn't involve legal cases."

"That's good," Elliot paused. "We miss you around the precinct."

Alex stared at him. She wasn't sure how to respond to that, so she decided to ignore it. She was certain that not everyone missed her.

"Actually, Elliot, I wanted to apologize to you for getting you and Olivia involved in that messy case. And of course for my breakdown in the squad room."

"Thank you, Alex, but it's forgotten. We all cross the lines sometimes."

"I know, but..."

"Alex, I forgive you. Cragen has, too. It'll be fine by the time you come back."

"Yeah, but what about Olivia?"

Finally, Alex had given Elliot his in.

"Olivia is...Olivia will be fine."

 _Was Olivia not fine_? Alex wondered.

"Listen, Alex. I don't know what happened between the two of you, and it's none of my business, but I know Olivia better than anyone. Trust me when I say she will be fine. It takes her some time, and sometimes needs a little prodding, but she's loyal and she will move past it."

"I don't know, Elliot. I'm afraid that..." Alex's voice trailed off. Elliot could see her fighting back tears.

"You love her, don't you?" Elliot asked, suddenly realizing that whatever had been going on between Olivia and Alex was real, and not just a fling.

"What?" Alex asked. Surprised by the question.

"You love her."

"Elliot, of course, I love her. I love all of you all. We work closely together." Alex was trying to lawyer her way out of this.

"Alex, you know damn well that's not what I'm asking."

Alex looked away.

"You're in love with her."

"Elliot, you don't know what you're talking about."

"Maybe so, but I have a feeling here. It all makes sense. I mean, I've suspected for a while that something was going on, I just didn't realize how serious it was."

"Elliot, I think you need to leave."

"So you're denying that you and Olivia are, or, at least, were, in a relationship?"

Alex didn't answer.

"Okay, Alex, if you can look me in the eye and tell me you aren't in loved with my partner, I'll walk out the door and never mention it again."

"I don't...," Alex started and paused. She knew lying wasn't going to work here. "I don't know, Elliot. I did. Or at least, I thought I did, and I thought maybe she did, too. But I don't know anymore."

Elliot moved toward Alex and gave her a gentle hug. They rarely touched, but right now, he felt like Alex needed it. Now, he just had to figure out how to get Olivia to open back up to Alex.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: You know this isn't going to end well.

* * *

Olivia would never admit it, not even to herself, but the past two weeks without Alex had been tough on her. She desperately missed Alex, but she was stubborn, and perhaps a little scared.

In her mind, she had been right. Things had been too good to be true, so she took the first opportunity she had to run away. It worked for her all these years; it could work for her now.

After her conversation with Elliott earlier in the day, she needed to get Alex off her mind. The best way to do that was to take advantage of the night off and go out. She didn't have many friends to call and ask to join her, so she decided instead to head to one of her favorite bars. She hadn't been there in a while, but it didn't matter, anytime she showed up, she was a VIP.

She showed up at 8 pm, before it got too crowded. She had always liked to get in earlier, find her seat, and scope the room out. The bartenders knew they could always count on her to notice nearly every person that walked in or out of the bar.

"Olivia! Long time, no see," Jason said. "The usual?"

Jason had worked there the better part of the last five years and had gotten to know Olivia fairly well, including her drink preference of bourbon with a splash of water.

"You know it," Olivia smiled. "It's been a busy few months."

"And here I thought maybe some lucky guy had found his way into your life."

"Well, you know, that's always complicated when you do what I do."

"I know," he said. "It's good to see you."

Olivia nodded and smiled.

All of a sudden, her phone started ringing. _Alex Cabot_. Olivia wasn't in the mood to talk to Alex. She knew she would eventually call her back, but not tonight. Alex was the reason she was here in the first place, and she was damn sure going to enjoy herself.

As she was finishing her first drink, a man walked up behind her.

"Care if I join you?" he asked.

"Only if you're buying the next round?" Olivia laughed, as she moved to allow him room to grab the seat at the bar next to her.

Matthew Michaels was someone she knew well. They went through the academy together, and though their paths rarely passed professionally, he was a regular here as well. They had a natural banter and chemistry, and while they had never dated (they were too much alike), they did enjoy the occasional roll in the hay.

"I haven't seen you around in a while," Matthew said. "New man in your life?"

She didn't care to explain her newfound love for women to him, so she just shook her head.

"Was. Not anymore."

"Sorry to hear that," he said with a grin.

"Yeah, I can see how sorry you are."

"What? I really am, but at the same time, anyone that would let you go is clearly not worthy of your love."

Olivia just nodded again and raised her glass.

"To being single and free." The two toasted their glasses and finished off their drink.

"I suppose I'm buying all your drinks tonight, huh?" he asked.

"Well, if you weren't such a cock-blocker, I'd get some other schmuck to buy them."

"Yeah, that's not going to happen," he said and ordered their next round of drinks.

Before she knew it, it was nearly midnight and she and Matthew had had way too much to drink.

"I should get going," Olivia said.

"Can I walk you home?" he asked.

Both he and Olivia knew exactly what he meant by that, and what was going to happen.

"Only if you plan on staying. I mean, you do owe me since you blocked all the hot men from talking to me tonight," she said, leaning closer and whispering in his ear.

"Oh, you can count on it."

* * *

 _Earlier that night._

After Elliot left Alex's apartment, she was determined that she needed to talk to Olivia. He had given her just the sliver of hope that she needed.

She tried calling a couple of times, but it went straight to voicemail. She then decided that she would go to Olivia's apartment and force her to talk.

When she arrived it was about 10 pm. It was late enough that Olivia would surely be home, but hopefully not asleep yet. She knocked on the door several times with no answer.

 _Maybe Olivia wasn't home._ She didn't hear any movement from inside, so she was fairly certain it wasn't Olivia just avoiding her. Instead of waiting, since she had no idea when Olivia would be home, she decided to leave a note. She didn't want to think about where Olivia might be and who she may be with.

She finished the note and slid it under the door.

* * *

 _Back at Olivia's apartment_

Olivia unlocked the door and let herself and Matthew in.

"Make yourself at home and I'll get us some water," she said.

Matthew nodded. Suddenly, something on the floor caught his eye. It was the note.

 _Olivia, I'd really like to talk to you. Just talk. I miss you. - Alex_

"Hey, Liv," he called out to the kitchen.

Olivia returned with two water bottles.

"Who's Alex?" he asked. He could see the confusion in her eyes. "Is that your ex?"

He handed her the note.

"Um, yeah." She read it and tossed it aside.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked. Despite the fact that he was there for sex, he really did care about Olivia's well-being.

"No. I'd rather not. In fact, I think we're doing too much talking as it is," she said as she leaned in and kissed him.

Matthew obliged and kissed her back, pushing her gently onto the couch.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Yes, they will work their way back to each other, but it will take a little more time.

* * *

The next morning Olivia woke up with Matthew in her bed. It wasn't like him to spend the night, and Olivia usually forbid it, but this particular morning, she didn't seem to mind. It felt nice waking up in someone's arms.

"Good morning, beautiful," Matthew said. "You didn't kick me out last night."

"Don't feel too special," Olivia smiled back.

"Don't worry, Benson. I get it," he said. "So, last night was great, but I have to ask about that note you got from Alex."

Olivia looked away.

"Are you going to call him back?"

 _Him_. She didn't know why she couldn't tell Matthew that Alex was a woman, but she mostly didn't want him to imagine it. She knew him too well.

"I don't know."

"Listen, Liv. I know it's none of my business, and I'm certainly not complaining about last night, but you're obviously still hung up on this guy...and he's obviously still hung up on you."

Olivia was avoiding eye contact.

"Call Alex."

"I'll think about it," Olivia finally said. "And by the way, this is the weirdest morning after conversation I've ever had."

The two laughed, as Olivia hopped out of bed.

"I hate to run, but I have to get to work. I know how you like to sleep in, so please stay. Just make sure you lock up. The spare key is by the door."

"Sure thing," he said. "Can I see you tonight? Platonically?"

"Matt..."

"I'll bring dinner and wine and have it here when you get home. Please, let someone take care of you," Matthew said. "And call this Alex."

"Fine, but no promises about Alex. I'll call you later and let you know what time I'll be home."

Olivia left for work and left Matthew in bed.

* * *

At the precinct, Elliott was already in the middle of paperwork when Olivia arrived with coffee and donuts.

"To what do I owe this surprise?" Elliott asked.

"What? I can't bring coffee and donuts for my partner?" Olivia asked smiling.

Elliot smiled to himself. Perhaps his visit to Alex had paid off.

"You're in a good mood today," Elliott teased. "Get laid last night?"

Olivia gave him a sideways smile before quipping, "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Elliott went back to his paperwork, feeling pretty smug. Obviously, Alex had reached out to Olivia and things had gone well.

Olivia was feeling good today. She had thought about what Matthew said, and decided it was time to start ignoring Alex. She wasn't sure what would become of it, or what she even wanted, but she figured it would be a good idea to smooth things over before Alex came back to work.

Olivia picked up her phone and called Alex. _Voicemail_.

 _"Hey, Alex. It's me. Um, Olivia. I got your note last night. We should talk soon. I, uh, I hope you're doing well."_

* * *

Alex came out of the bookstore on the way home when she noticed she had a voicemail from Olivia. Her heart jumped a beat.

She listened to the message and looked at the time. Olivia should be home from work by now, surely.

Alex decided rather than returning the call, she would just stop Olivia's apartment. She really wanted to see the detective.

When she arrived at Olivia's apartment, she heard music playing. She knocked on the door.

"Why are you knocking? Did you lose your key?" Alex heard a male voice coming through the door right before it opened.

When Matthew opened Olivia's door, he saw Alex standing in the doorway. Alex opened her mouth in surprise. Alex immediately noticed the wine on the table and flowers. This was a date. She had interrupted Olivia's date.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were Liv."

 _Liv? Did He call her Liv?_

"Oh, I'm sorry," Alex said. "Is, uh, Beth home?" Alex was embarrassed, so she lied about what she was doing. She had no idea what she was doing.

"I think you may have the wrong apartment"

"I'm so sorry. I apologize for bothering you."

"No problem."

By the time his words came out, Alex was halfway down the hall. She wanted to get away from there as quick as possible.

She couldn't believe Olivia had moved on so quickly. And not just had a date, but this guy called her Liv and was in her apartment while Olivia was working. It was obviously someone Olivia had a connection with. Maybe Alex was never as important to her as she thought if she could just move on that quickly.

* * *

Olivia got home to dinner than Matthew had cooked.

"Matthew, this is wonderful," Olivia said. "You didn't have to do this."

"I know, but you seemed down earlier last night, so I just wanted to cheer you up."

"Thank you."

The two finished dinner and their wine.

"I guess I should go now," Matthew said.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea. We shouldn't make this a habit, I suppose."

"Did you call Alex today."

"Yeah, I did. I left a message. So we'll see."

"Good for you. I hope it works out," Matthew said, as he turned to leave.

Olivia plopped down on the couch, debating whether to try to call Alex back. Her phone rang. It was Stabler, and she didn't feel like talking to him right now.

* * *

When Alex got home, she was almost in tears. _How could she be so stupid? Why had she let Elliott talk her into this?_

As if on command, her phone rang. It was Stabler.

"What?"

"Cabot. What's wrong? I just wanted to say I was glad you talked to Liv."

"What's wrong? You practically pushed me into calling Olivia."

"And you didn't?"

"Oh, I called her alright. I even stopped by her apartment last night."

"Alex, what is going on? Did you talk? It must have gone well. She was in a good mood this morning."

"Yeah, I'll be she was."

"What do you mean?"

"I went to her apartment last night and no one was home, so I left a note under the door. She called today and left a message, so I decided to stop by. When I got there, some guy opened the door. He was cooking Olivia dinner, in her apartment, by himself. It was obviously a date."

"Alex, I had no idea she was even seeing anyone."

"Yeah, well, do me a favor, Stabler. Stay out of it from now on." Cabot closed her phone and threw it on the couch. Suddenly she was wishing she had more than two more weeks off work.

* * *

Olivia decided to call Alex after all.

When Alex heard her phone ring, she assumed it was Stabler calling back. It was Olivia. She wasn't expecting that.

"Cabot."

"Hey Alex, it's Liv."

"Hi," Alex said coolly.

"I got your note last night. I, uh, got home late."

"Yeah, that was a mistake. I should have called first."

"No, Alex. It's okay. It's good to talk to you," Olivia said. "It would probably be good if we talked."

"Yeah, about that. Maybe it's not such a good idea."

"I don't understand, Alex. I thought you wanted to talk?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay, and that things would be okay when I came back to work."

"Oh," Olivia said, disappointed. "Yeah, Alex. Of course. Listen, it would be good to see you."

"I don't know, Olivia."

"Please, Alex. Just lunch this weekend."

"Okay, I'll call you tomorrow and we'll find a place."


	9. Chapter 9

Olivia and Alex met for lunch on Saturday. Olivia was nervous because it had been so long since she had seen the blonde.

Olivia was already sitting in the diner when Alex arrived.

"Alex, hi," Olivia said softly.

Alex smiled softly and scooted into the booth.

"Hi," Alex said.

"It's really good to see you," Olivia said.

Alex just smiled and nodded. "So, you wanted to talk?"

"How are you, Alex?"

"I'm fine."

"You've been through a lot, Alex. It would be okay if you weren't."

"It's part of our job, Olivia. I'm fine, and I'll be fine by the time I return to work."

Olivia sensed that Alex was shutting her out for some reason. It was different that the Alex who had left the note and who had left voicemails over the past couple of weeks.

Olivia just nodded, indicating she was ready to drop it. "So, how have you enjoyed your time off?"

"It's been nice. I visited my parents. Made several trips to the bookstore."

Olivia smiled. She knew how much Alex loved to read in the rare case she ever had free time.

"What about us?" Olivia asked carefully.

Alex opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. It was rare for the ADA.

"Alex, I'm sorry about before. I should have supported you better."

"It's okay, Olivia. I forgive you. And I'm sorry, too," Alex said before looking away. "What's done is done."

"So, we're done?" Olivia asked.

"Aren't we?" Alex asked back with a bitter tone. She couldn't believe Olivia was even asking considering she had already moved on.

"Um, well. I mean, I guess I just thought we would talk about things."

"What's there to talk about, Olivia?"

"I was hoping we could talk about us, Alex," Olivia said, her voice raising. "I mean, I just thought we had something special, worth fighting for."

"Well, maybe we did, but obviously, we don't anymore," Alex snapped back, sighing. "Listen, I don't want to fight with you. I just want things to get back to normal when I return to work. Before Cavanaugh. Before..."

"Before us?"

"Before us," Alex answered her. She stood up, grabbed her purse, and walked away. Again.

* * *

Olivia couldn't believe things with Alex went so poorly. In hindsight, she probably shouldn't have been surprised, she thought. After all, Alex was the one that walked out on her. And she had been angry with Alex, but mostly because she felt Alex didn't trust her. She didn't like Alex endangering the SVU squad or Alex's job. But mostly, she had been hurt. And she knew she didn't handle it well. In fact, she should haven't waited so long to reach out to Alex. She knew that now. She just assumed things would eventually get back to normal.

But maybe what she had imagined they had had was all in her head. If Alex could give up on them that easily, then maybe their relationship hadn't been that important to Alex after all.

At any rate, she decided she couldn't do anymore in the time being than just accepting Alex's decision. If Alex didn't want her, then she was going to let it go and move on.

* * *

Alex went home in tears. She really wanted nothing more than the make-up with Olivia. To hold her in her arms again. To kiss her. But she couldn't bear being hurt by Olivia again. She was hurt when Olivia sided with SVU over her. She understood why, and she knew she had been out of line, but for once, she wanted her and Olivia to drop the facade, even if only at home. She hadn't wanted a lecture from Olivia or a fight. She just wanted Olivia to hold her that night and tell her things would be alright.

And then when she went to Olivia, to tell her these things, **he** was there. A man that Olivia was comfortable enough to leave in her apartment. That called her Liv. That had keys. That hurt, and it made her wonder how long Olivia had been seeing him. Two weeks seemed quick for Olivia. At least, the Olivia she thought she knew.

No. As much as today hurt, she knew this was for the best. It would protect her from getting hurt, and both of their jobs. It was the right thing to do.

* * *

Since having lunch with Alex, SVU had had a surprisingly low caseload. It was a good thing. Fewer rapes and sexual assaults in Manhattan was nothing to complain about. But it also meant Olivia had a bit more free time. More free time to think about Alex, that is.

The closer it got to be time for Alex to return, the more on edge Olivia had been.

It was Saturday night and unless a bad case came up, Olivia knew she would have the night off. Alex was returning on Monday morning, so Olivia planned to meet some friends out for drinks.

After a few hours, everyone was ready to head home. Everyone except Olivia, that was. She said goodbye and found herself a spot up at the bar near a friendly face.

"Olivia. It's been a few days since I heard from you," Matt asked. "How did things go with Alex."

"Eh, I'd rather not talk about it."

"That badly, huh?"

Olivia nodded.

"What kind of asshole gives up on Olivia Benson? If you'd like, I could go punch him in the face for you."

Olivia smiled at the thought of Matt trying to punch Alex, and then her having him arrested for assaulting an officer of the court. Of course, if Matt knew Alex was a woman, he'd have never even suggested it in the first place.

"It's fine, Matt. I've moved on. And besides, you owe me a drink."

"Is that so?" He asked as he flagged down Jason, the bartender.

Both Olivia and Matt knew they wouldn't be going home alone that night.

* * *

Monday came and went without Olivia and Elliot having to see their ADA. Olivia supposed that Alex was probably busy in Donnelly's office most of the day, and getting up to speed on any new cases that were going to be landing on her desk this week.

By Tuesday however, the detectives had a new case. A teenage girl was found beaten before dying in the ER. Olivia and Elliott spent all day running around town trying to ID the young lady.

By early afternoon, they had their answer - Patricia Stevens - the daughter of Judge Thornburg.

When Alex walked into the squad room, she had already heard the rumors.

"So it's true?" She asked. None of them had any time for formalities.

"It's already hit the courthouse grapevine?" Olivia asked.

"This is huge. My boss is going to want to know where you are on this every minute."

Olivia turned and rolled her eyes before turning to leave. Olivia and Elliott planned to make the notification, but Cragen insisted he be the one to go since he had a history with the judge.

 _Of course_ , Olivia thought. Of course, they would get a case this big as soon as Alex returned.

As more evidence turned up, Olivia offered for her and Elliott to go check with Alex to get the information they needed. Again, Cragen stepped in and said he would do it. Olivia would be lying if she wasn't slightly relieved, however, she knew she was going to have to get things back to normal with Alex as soon as possible.

Alex was also relieved when Cragen showed up to her office instead of the detectives. She knew it was because the Judge was a friend of his, and not because he was trying to deflect any issues between her and Olivia since he didn't know, but she was grateful for the reprieve all the same.

Pretty soon, evidence started to point to Judge Thornburg having sexually abused his stepdaughter and fathering a child with her. Cragen and Alex nearly hit the roof. Olivia and Elliott were crazy if they thought one of the toughest judges in New York could have done what they were suggesting.

Elliot and Olivia were convincing though and determined they were right. Alex, in a moment of uncertainty, and perhaps old habits turned to Olivia for her thoughts.

"Liv?" Was all Alex said, and it startled Olivia to hear her call her Liv. But she did appreciate the trust that Alex was willing to place in her and Elliott.

When they laid out their plan, Alex knew it was a risk, but she still felt like she owed them.

"You guys had better be right." Alex knew she was going to have a fight ahead of her with Donnelly to get permission to request the warrant for DNA.

* * *

Donnelly hesitantly agreed by saying, "I wouldn't want to be you if he's not the father."

Alex knew it was the right move, even if she knew she was risking her standing in the court so soon after her return.

By the end of the case, they detectives had made their case in proving Judge Thornburg sexually abused his stepdaughter, and proved she was killed by her mother. It was not the outcome that any of them wanted, but Olivia was glad for Alex's sake that they were right.

* * *

She knew Alex had stuck her neck out for them, and she knew that part of it was done out of guilt. She was fairly certain that Alex didn't want to see her outside of work, but she still found herself in front of Alex's door that night.

 _Knock. Knock. Knock._

Alex checked to see who was there, not entirely surprised to see Olivia.

"Hey, Alex."

"Olivia. Come in."

Olivia came through the door but didn't move much farther or take her jacket off. She planned to thank Alex and then go.

"Can I get you something to drink? Wine?" Alex asked. "Seeing as how your day was as tough as mine, I'm sure you could use it."

Olivia took the peace offering as a good sign and gladly accepted. She took her jacket off and laid it on the side of the couch before sitting down.

"Alex, I didn't want to interrupt your night. I really just wanted to thank you for sticking your neck out for us and trusting us on this case."

Alex just nodded.

"It's good to have you back."

"Thanks, Olivia. It's actually good to be back."

The two women sit in silence for a few moments sipping their wine. Finally, Alex spoke.

"Are we going to be able to do this?"

"I hope so, Alex. I mean, we knew when we began our relationship that ending it could cause complications," Olivia said and then took another sip. "I guess I just didn't expect it to end like this."

"Me either, Liv."

More silence. Olivia spoke first this time.

"Alex, you know, it doesn't have to. We could try...I mean, if you want to. I've honestly been miserable without you."

Alex was afraid, but she did want to hear what Olivia was saying. She wanted the same things, but she wasn't sure.

Olivia had turned and taken Alex's hands by this point.

"Liv, you know how I feel about you. Of course I want the same things, I just, I don't know. I guess I'm scared. We both love our careers, and if anyone found out. Then there is the matter of problems in our relationship carrying over into work..."

Olivia cut her off. She knew the list would keep going. After all, there were a million reasons this was a bad idea.

"Alex, stop. I know where you are going. And yes, things could be, and probably will be, complicated. But Alex, I don't care about all the reasons this is a bad idea. I only care about the one reason that it isn't: I love you, Alex."

Alex couldn't hold back anymore. The tears began to pour down. "I love you too, Olivia," Alex said before she leaned in and kissed her.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about Matt, and neither has Alex. Our girls will get to solving their issues. This is a short update just because some of you were concerned about them getting back together so easily, so I wanted to go ahead and post part of what is coming.

Also, thank you to everyone for the reviews. Glad you enjoy it.

* * *

Alex laid in bed the next morning, eye wide open, and knowing that Olivia, on the other side of the bed, was doing the same thing.

And she was.

Both women knew last night had been a mistake. Of course, they did love each other, but they also had a lot of issues to work through before they should have been hopping back in bed together.

Alex's mind kept going back to _him_ , the man that opened Olivia's door. She knew she should say something, but thinking about it just made her sick. Then, of course, she kept rehashing their fight after Cavanaugh. As much as she wanted to forgive Olivia, she was still hurt and angry.

She knew they should have talked about it first, before this. But last night, after the stressful case they had, she just wanted to be held. It had been so long since she felt Olivia's touch - or anyone's for that matter. Unlike Olivia, she couldn't just run out and find someone for a quick fuck. But she just wanted someone to hold her last night. To make her feel good again. And even if it was a bad idea, she decided to give into her desires for Olivia.

Olivia was having many of the same thoughts. Her and Alex had only been apart for a month, and she had run out and jumped in bed with someone else. Even if it didn't mean anything to her, and even if she and Alex were broken up, Olivia still felt guilt about it.

But Olivia also knew that's how she had learned to cope with her feelings and emotions. Rather than talk things out, she needed to feel. She needed to be physical. _Why didn't I just go running or to the gym instead,_ she wondered. _Oh right, because it's not as fun._

Of course, part of her was still hurt and angry about Alex shutting her out. She couldn't stand when Alex reverted to the Ice Princess persona. One minute Alex was apologizing, the next she was yelling at her. She's calling, leaving voicemails, and notes on her doorstep, and then the next she's telling Olivia that they are over. Olivia wasn't sure how much of Alex's hot and cold she could take.

But here they both were. In bed. Naked. And wondering just what the hell they were going to do now. _How were they going to salvage their relationship?_

* * *

Alex's alarm went off at 6:00 am, startling both women from their thoughts.

"Ugh," Alex groaned. "I'm going to start some coffee if you want to get in the shower first."

"Thanks, but, I should probably run home. I don't have any clothes for work."

"Oh, okay. I, uh, think you may have a few things in the drawer still."

 _Alex kept her things in the drawer, still?_ Olivia thought.

"Oh, um, okay then. I'll get in the shower and wear whatever is here."

Alex left the bedroom and headed toward the kitchen. She was surprisingly grateful that Olivia seemed as awkward this morning as she was feeling.

About 20 minutes later, Olivia came out into the kitchen.

Alex was reading the paper when Olivia came in. Alex got up and poured her a cup of coffee. She also instinctively added the cream and sugar just the way Olivia liked it. _Old habits die hard, I suppose,_ she thought.

"Thanks, Alex," Olivia said as she took the coffee.

"I'm going to hop in the shower now," Alex said. "I'll see you at the precinct?"

"Yeah," Olivia smiled and leaned forward to place a kiss on Alex's cheek.

The tension in the room was palpable, both afraid to speak up, and both knowing it wasn't the right time.

 _When would be the right time, though?_


	11. Chapter 11

Olivia walked into the 1-6 ready to bury herself in work for the day. She knew her and Alex needed to talk, but right now, she just needed a distraction.

"We've got a case," Cragen said walking out of his office in a hurry. "Police were called when they heard a woman screaming during an apparent rape. The suspect fled, but not before shooting and killing the woman."

"We're on it, Cap."

"Wait, you two. There is something else you need to know," Cragen paused as Benson and Stable focused in on him. "An off-duty officer was shot at the scene. He should be okay. He heard the screams while visiting his mother. When he went over, the perp shot him while he was fleeing the scene. Make sure to do this one by the book. This guy raped and killed a woman and shot a fellow officer, make sure you get him."

Benson and Stabler turned to leave.

"Cabot will be joining you at the scene."

* * *

Benson and Stabler arrived at the crime scene.

"Any leads on the suspect?" Stabler asked.

"Not yet," the officer at the scene replied.

"How's the officer who was shot?" Benson asked.

"Michaels? Oh, they say he'll be okay. He lost a lot of blood, but he's going to make it."

"Wait, Matthew Michaels?" Olivia asked suddenly feeling sick. She remembered Matthew mentioning his family lived in this area of town.

"Yeah, you know him?" The officer asked.

Stabler looked at his partner. He had no idea who Officer Michaels was, but he could see the look of concern in his partner's eyes.

"Uh, yeah. We just um, went through the academy together. He's a good cop," Olivia said, trying not to let her emotions through, but Elliot could tell this was bothering her.

"Yes, he is."

Stabler spoke up. "Thank you for your help, officer. Let us know when CS is done processing the scene, and let us know if you need anything in the meantime."

"You're welcome. We're glad you're here, and we want to get this guy as much as you do. We're at your disposal."

Benson and Stabler headed for the car.

"I'll call Cabot and tell her we're headed to the hospital instead. Maybe we can get something out of Officer Michaels."

Olivia just nodded.

"So, you going to tell me what happened back there?" Stabler said.

"What are you talking about, Elliot?"

"You were obviously shaken up over Michaels. I get the feeling he's not just someone you know from the academy."

Olivia didn't feel like fighting with him over this, so she just sighed.

"We have a history."

* * *

Benson and Stabler arrived at the hospital. They were hopeful this officer could give them a description of the suspect and they could find him soon. One PP didn't take well to a cop-shooter, especially a murdering rapist. The sooner they got him off the street, the better.

The nurses confirmed that it was okay if they went in and talked to Officer Michaels.

"Elliot, let me go in and talk to Matthew, er, Officer Michaels first."

"Okay, Liv," Elliot said. "I'll wait out here and see if they got anything at the scene."

Olivia entered Matthew's room.

"Hey Matt, how are you feeling?"

Matt looked up.

"Olivia, to what do I owe the pleasure? I don't think the hospital is the time or the place for what we normally do," he joked.

Olivia smiled.

"Actually, I understand your dumbass didn't wait for backup and got yourself shot during a rape."

"What can I say? I was trying to be a knight in shining armor. I guess I didn't do so well," he looked away, suddenly remembering the victim had died.

"Matthew, don't do that. You gave her the only chance she had." Olivia sighed. "Okay, seriously though Matt, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I should be out of here by tomorrow. He missed any major organs."

"You're lucky."

"I know."

"So, Michaels," Olivia returned to her professional tone. "What can you tell me about the suspect?"

"Shorter than me, maybe 6 foot. White, mid-30s. Blonde hair. Clean shaven."

"Any tattoos or other noticeable features?"

"None," he looked away. "I'm sorry, Liv. He looked like the average all-American guy."

Outside the hospital room, Alex had arrived.

"Stabler, how's it going?"

"So far, we've got nothing from the scene," he said. "Olivia is in there now with the cop who got shot. She's trying to get a description of the suspect. Apparently they went to the academy together."

Stabler wasn't sure where Olivia and Alex were with their relationship, but Alex knowing that Olivia had a history with the victim in the room certainly wouldn't help anything.

Back in the hospital room, Olivia was jotting down any other details Matt could give her when he reached out and took her hand.

"Get this guy, Olivia. You didn't hear her screaming."

"We will, Matt. We will," she gripped his hand tighter, pulled it to her and kissed it.

Behind her, someone cleared their throat. She turned around and saw Elliott and Alex in the doorway. She immediately removed her hand from Matthew's hand.

"Officer Michaels," Olivia stood up to make introductions. "This is my partner, Detective Elliot Stabler, and ADA Alexandra Cabot."

As Alex stuck out her hand to greet Matthew, she made eye contact with him and immediately recognized him as the man from Olivia's apartment.

Matthew also recognized her as the women who came to Olivia's door looking for someone else. It seemed strange that Olivia's ADA randomly showed up at her apartment by mistake. _He wondered..._

"Nice to meet you, Ms. Cabot."

"Likewise, Officer Michaels," Alex said before turning to Elliot. "If you don't need me, I'm going back to the office."

She didn't wait for a response before she walked out the room. Alex knew if she wasn't out of there soon, she was going to be sick. Matthew Michaels was the man in Olivia's apartment. And based on what she saw when she walked in, Olivia holding and kissing his hand, she could tell they had a connection. _How could she be so stupid? She just let Olivia back into her bed, just like that, without even confronting her about it._

"We should probably get going," Olivia said. "I'll stop by tonight to check on you. Call if you need anything."

Matthew nodded. "By the way, Benson. ADA Cabot, does she go by Alex?"

Olivia's mouth dropped open. Matthew knew by her response that this was the Alex she had been pining over.

Matthew just smiled, as Olivia just looked at him.

"Yeah, she does," Olivia finally answered before turning to leave.

Elliott watched the interaction with a confused look on his face, not sure what just happened.

"Wait, Olivia," Matthew said before she left. "Cabot. Alex. She came to your apartment."

"Elliot, can you wait outside for a moment?" Olivia asked him.

"Sure thing, Liv."

Turning back to Matthew, "What do you mean she came to my apartment? Why didn't you tell me?"

"She didn't tell me who she was. When I answered the door she asked for someone named Beth. I didn't think it was important."

"Beth?"

"Yeah, something like that. She did seem surprised when I answered the door, though."

"When was this?"

"Right after we, um, well, the night I cooked dinner for you."

 _The day I finally decided to call Alex back,_ Olivia realized.

"Thanks, Matthew. Get well."

 _Shit. Alex had come to her apartment while Matthew was there. That's why she didn't want to talk to her. And then today, who knows what she was thinking._ Olivia knew this had been a bad idea from the beginning, but now, there was no way Alex was going to forgive her.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Don't worry, the next chapter (13) is what you've all been waiting on. The epic fight where they all get it out. I'll get it up soon. Thanks for the reviews!

* * *

Alex couldn't believe what a fool she had been. I mean, Olivia couldn't even wait two weeks before sleeping with someone, and a man at that! So much for this not being an experiment. Sure, they had broken up, but deep down, Alex never thought the break up would be, or even wanted it to be permanent. Just a break.

Of course, Olivia never called her after their fight after the Cavanaugh case. Maybe this really was just a fling for Olivia. Maybe when Olivia said, "I love you" last night, it was just a ploy to get her into bed.

Alex didn't want to believe these things, but what else what she supposed to think? Olivia Benson had ripped her heart out and stomped all over it before they even had a chance to find out what they could have been. Alex wasn't about to let that happen again.

* * *

Olivia was freaking out. She knew she had hurt Alex. She couldn't believe how foolish she had been. She should have never let Alex walk awake from her. She should have never accepted their "break up" without a fight. She sure as hell should never have slept with Matt.

* * *

"Olivia," Elliott said, hanging up the phone in the squad room. "The security cameras got this guy and the super recognized him as a former tenant. Guy named Jack Hoffman. We got an address."

Elliot and Olivia jumped from their desks and headed to the suspect's apartment.

He wasn't home when they arrived, so they decided to wait him out while patrols were looking for him. They hoped to God he didn't already have another victim.

At 3 am Olivia tapped Elliott on the shoulder. "El, he's back."

Elliot radioed for backup as they jumped out of the squad car and ran inside the building.

"Hoffman!" Elliott yelled. "We have you. Turn yourself in!"

Hoffman took off running into his apartment. Elliott kicked in the door and both partners had guns drawn when they entered. Hoffman got the jump on Olivia and punched her in the face, knocking her to the floor.

Elliott immediately tackled Hoffman and they struggled for control around the apartment. Hoffman got in a good punch on Elliott and got on top of him, reaching for Elliott's gun.

Olivia made her way up off the ground, drew her gun and put it to the back of Hoffman's head.

She cocked the gun before she spoke.

"Hoffman! Take your hands off my partner before I put a bullet in your head."

Hoffman raised his hands and got off Elliott, who promptly got up and cuffed him. As they walked him out, backup had arrived and took Hoffman as they walked out of the building.

* * *

Back at the precinct, Captain Cragen thanked Benson and Stabler for their hard work and told them to go home and get some sleep. Just then, Alex walked in.

"You two went in without waiting for backup and put a gun to the back of his head, Olivia?"

"You're welcome, Counselor," Elliott said with a smirk.

"Are you kidding me, Alex? He was going for Elliott's gun!" Olivia yelled.

"It was a good bust, Alex," Cragen broke in. "They couldn't risk losing him again."

"Fine," Alex sighed.

Just then, Olivia's phone rang.

"Benson," she answered and walked a few feet away. "Already? Yeah, tell him I'll be right there to take him home."

Turning to Cragen and speaking quietly, "Cap, I'm going to pick up Officer Michaels from the hospital and get him home."

"Okay, and I don't want to see you or Stabler for the next two days after that," Cragen replied.

Alex just stared at Olivia. "Seriously, Olivia? Office Michaels?"

The three others just looked at Alex.

"You know he'll be a witness for the prosecution. I hardly think him having a _personal relationship_ with the lead detective is a good idea. The defense will have a hay day with it."

"Who's side are you on, Alex?" Olivia yelled back.

"I'm on the side of justice," she yelled.

"Alex, she's just giving him a ride from the hospital. It's professional courtesy," Elliott stepped in.

"Yeah, so that's what you're calling it these days," Alex said, rolling her eyes.

"Screw you, Alex!" Olivia said.

Cragen had had enough. "My office, now!"

Alex, Olivia, and Elliott all walked toward Cragen's office.

"Not you, Stabler. Go home," Cragen said, stepping in front of Elliott and ushering the women inside his office.

"Sit down," he said. They both kept standing. "I said, sit down!"

They both did as he asked this time.

"Now, listen to me. You two are both really good at your jobs and an asset to SVU, but I've had enough of whatever is going on between the two of you. I won't tolerate any more of this," he said. "And if it continues, I'll have you both transferred."

"With all due respect, Don, um Captain Cragen, I work for the DA's office, I don't think...," Alex said trying to lawyer her way out of trouble before she was cut off.

"Test me, Alex. I dare you," he replied. "Whatever you two need to do to be able to work together again, do it. Now, I don't want to see either of you for the next couple of days."

The two women looked at each other before getting up and leaving Cragen's office.

* * *

Olivia made her way to the hospital to pick up Matthew. On the way to his apartment, she told him what had happened with Alex. He felt responsible for what had happened to his friend and knew he needed to try and do something about it.

Olivia dropped him off and drove home. She didn't plan on leaving her apartment for the next couple of days.

* * *

Later that evening, Alex had a knock on her door. She sighed, knowing it was probably Olivia and she certainly didn't have the energy for another fight today. She didn't even look out the eyehole before opening the door.

"Olivia! I don't want to see you!" she said as she opened the door.

Matthew Michaels was at her door.

"Officer Michaels. What the hell are you doing here, and how did you know where I lived?"

"I just wanted to talk. And I'm a cop, I have ways of finding out where you live. Can I come in?"

"Whatever," Alex said as she motioned for him to walk by her.

Once she shut the door, she didn't even give him a chance to speak.

"I don't really care to hear anything you, or Olivia, may have to say."

"This isn't Olivia's fault, Alex. I've known her forever. We went to the academy together and have been friends ever since."

Alex walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass, not bothering to offer any to Matthew.

"Listen, she was pretty broken up about you when I bumped into her. Heck, I didn't even know Alex was a woman."

"Yeah, I'm sure she was reaaaal broken up."

"There is nothing between Olivia and me. And if you can't see how much she loves you, maybe you don't deserve her."

"Oh, let me guess, you do?"

"Me? Hell, no. She's way out of my league," he laughed. "All I'm saying is that you're a damn fool if you don't fight for her."

"You done?" she asked flatly.

"You know, maybe you don't deserve her," he said.

"Get out of my apartment, Officer Michaels," Alex said.


	13. Chapter 13

After dropping off Matthew, Olivia went straight home, changed into sweats and a t-shirt, and took a nap. She couldn't remember the last time she actually napped, but quickly drifted off to sleep.

 _Bang. Bang. Bang._ Olivia woke to someone banging loudly on her door. She looked outside and noticed it was dark. _How long have I been asleep?_ she wondered.

 _Bang. Bang. Bang._ "Olivia, open up, I know you're home!" Olivia heard Alex shouting from the hall.

She rushed to get to the door before her neighbors started complaining.

"Geez, Alex! Are you trying to disturb the entire floor," Olivia said as she opened the door.

Alex pushed her way inside.

"Yes, please, come in," Olivia said in a sarcastic tone.

"You have a lot of nerve Olivia Benson!" Alex was yelling.

"Alex, what could I have possibly done now? I've been napping all afternoon," Olivia said far more calmly than Alex had. She was still trying to wake up.

Alex was pacing around Olivia's living room, running her hands through her hair.

"You sent your boyfriend to my apartment to talk to me?!" Alex yelled.

"Alex, what are you talking about?"

"Oh, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't play dumb."

"Matthew came to your apartment?" Olivia was confused. _Why would he do that?_ "Alex, I had no idea, I promise."

"So, you admit at least he is your boyfriend?"

"Jesus Christ, Alex! How many times do I have to tell you there is nothing between Matthew and me." Olivia was beginning to raise her voice back now.

"Yeah, he said as much as well," Alex said.

"Well, then it seems you have your answer. Alex, I swear to you, Matthew is just a friend. We went to the academy together and have been friends ever since. We hang out at the same bar, so we bump into each other from time to time. That's it."

Alex just stared at Olivia, trying to figure out what she believed.

"Listen, Alex, he told me you came here. He didn't know who you were or he would have told me. I called you that day, earlier."

"Why was he in your apartment, Olivia? I mean, you weren't home. He was cooking. There was wine and flowers. It sure as hell looked like a date to me. He seemed very comfortable."

"We bumped into each other the night before. He thought I needed a friend and offered to cook dinner." Olivia said. Of course, she was nervous saying it, knowing good and well she was leaving out a big chunk of that story.

"So," Alex said shortly. "You're telling me that you never slept with him?"

"Alex, it's not like that. Yes, we've slept together in the past. I trust him, but there has never been anything."

"You know what I'm asking, Olivia. Did. You. Sleep. With. Him. While. We. Were. Broken. Up?"

Olivia sighed. She knew she couldn't evade the question anymore. "Yes. We slept together the night before you saw him here cooking dinner."

"I knew it. I fucking knew it!" Alex yelled. "And since?"

Olivia just looked away.

"When?"

"Alex..." Olivia started.

Alex cut her off. "WHEN!"

"Last weekend. Saturday."

"You mean, three days before we slept together?"

"Yes." Olivia just hung her head.

"I'd say 'Fuck you' but it seems everyone else has already done that this week."

Alex turned, looking like she was getting ready to leave when there was a knock on the door.

 _Who could it possibly be now?_ Olivia thought. She was already pissed Matthew had gone to Alex's apartment, even if for good reason, but he if he was here now, she was going to kill him.

It was Olivia's super.

"Oh, hi," said said softly. She assumed he was there because of all the yelling.

"Olivia, I just wanted to give you a heads up that this building, and well, the neighboring ones, are on lockdown, and the power is getting ready to be cut."

"What? Why?" both Alex and Olivia said in unison.

"I'm not sure. Something is going on in the neighborhood and the police didn't want anyone to enter or exit the buildings until the problem is solved."

"What if I leave now?" Alex asked.

"Sorry, Alex, it's too late," he said. _He still remembered her name._ He shut the door and made his way down the hall to the next door.

"Well, it's that just great," Alex said dripping in sarcasm.

"I'll call Cragen and see if he knows what's going on. Maybe they need some help," Olivia said.

"Yes, Olivia. Just run away. You're good at that."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Don't forget, Alex. You're the one that left ME!" Olivia screamed back before grabbing her phone and storming off to the bedroom.

About 5 minutes later, Olivia returned.

Cragen says it's nothing major. We're not in danger, but there was some sort of mystery substance in a neighboring building. Until they make sure what it is, and that there isn't anymore, we're stuck here.

"How long?" Alex asked with an eye roll.

"Probably all night at this point." Olivia sighed.

"And the power?" Alex asked.

"Just a precaution, in case whatever is in any electrical lines."

The two women sat back - Olivia on the couch, Alex in the chair. They sat in silence for about 10 minutes before Alex spoke.

"Do you have anything to drink?" Alex asked.

"Yeah. Water or wine mostly. Maybe some milk, but I wouldn't trust it."

"Wine is fine," Alex said. Olivia started to get up. "Sit, Olivia. I'll get it."

Alex got up and made her way to the kitchen. She grabbed the corkscrew from the drawer as if he was her own place. She reached for the bottle of unopened red wine on the countertop. _It was her favorite wine._ Alex opened the bottle.

"Do you want some, too?" She called out from the kitchen.

"Sure," Olivia responded.

Alex returned to the living room with two glasses and the opened bottle of wine.

"I figured we'd need the whole thing before the night was over," she simply said. Olivia smiled.

Just then, the power went out.

Olivia got up to grab some candles while Alex poured the wine. Olivia returned and sat a few candles around the apartment. Several weeks ago, it would have been the perfect setting; her and Alex with a bottle of wine, in the dark and surrounded by candles. They both sat on the floor in front of the couch, defeated by the week they had. They were into their second glass of wine before anyone spoke again.

"Did I ever matter to you, Olivia?" Alex asked quietly.

"How could you ask that? I told you I loved you, Alex. I meant it."

"Then explain to me, why you never returned my calls? And the first chance you got you ran right back to a man. I mean, was that it? I wasn't enough for you?"

"Alex, no. That's not it at all," Olivia said and finished off her glass of wine. She then got up and went to the kitchen to retrieve another bottle of wine, as the one they were drinking was almost gone.

"Then what, Olivia? Don't you owe me that me?"

"I owe you? Alex, I didn't call you because I was pissed! You had jeopardized your job, my job, my partner's job, the integrity of SVU. You didn't trust me enough to talk to me about the Cavanaugh case..."

"I was trying to protect you..." Alex started.

"No, you're going to listen to me now," Olivia stopped her before continuing. "You didn't trust us. You didn't trust me, your own girlfriend. And then, to make matters worse, you came over here with a half-assed apology that ended with you accusing me of sleeping with Elliott before walking out on me!"

She took another drink and continued. "So, I didn't call you because I was angry and hurt, Alex. I didn't know what to do with those emotions. I didn't choose to run back to a man because you weren't enough. God, Alex, you made me feel things I've never felt before, both emotionally and physically. I ran to Matthew because he was there, he was a friend, and I trusted him. I knew it would be uncomplicated...or at least, I thought it was going to be. I needed to feel something, anything, Alex, because I spent those first two weeks numb."

They were both crying at this point.

Finally, Alex spoke. "Maybe you're right, Olivia. I screwed up. But at least, I reached out to you. I TRIED to save our relationship. You couldn't even lift a finger for a phone call. And the Cavanaugh case, Olivia? You sat there and let Elliott talk to me like I was a perp. And even if you say you were doing it to keep our secret at work, the least you could have done was give me a hug when I came to you seeking comfort. You know, that's what most people in a relationship do," she was starting to get angry again.

"But no, you made it all about work, as if you couldn't allow yourself to focus on work and me at the same time. Olivia, that boy basically ended his life because of me!"

"Alex, we tried to help..."

"No, it's my turn now, Olivia. I felt responsible for Sam and I wanted to fix it; to get justice against that creep Barnett. And all I needed from you was to hold me. To let me cry in your arms, and tell me it was going to be okay. Even if I wouldn't let you, I wanted you to fight for me, Olivia. To fight for us! But you couldn't. Olivia Benson, my girlfriend, shut off, and Detective Benson, the pain in my ass, took over."

"What was I supposed to do, Alex? I mean, not that it matters today, because I think you outed us to the entire 16th Precinct today, but I was trying to protect us. To protect our relationship from what would happen if people knew. I was doing it for you, Alex!"

"Me? You were doing it for me without even asking what I may have wanted? Sure, I wasn't ready to get on the bullhorn and shout it down the hallways, but do you honestly think you get to sit there and say you were protecting me?"

"Alex, you know if anyone knew, one of us would be transferred, and I couldn't let either of us do that."

"You could have talked to me about it, let me decide for myself."

"Well, I guess I was also afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"Afraid that if anyone else knew, it would be real."

"So, what we had wasn't real, Detective?" Alex asked, voice rising yet again.

"Don't put words in my mouth, Counselor," Olivia bit back. "What I meant was if this, between us, is, or was, real, then it could hurt me...and I was afraid of that."

"I was afraid, too," Alex said much softer and quieter than they had been in a while. "But I was willing to fight for it."

The two women sat in silence and finished off the second bottle of wine.

* * *

A/N: Yes, there will be more, and a good resolution to this. They've started the process, at least.

Also, that was really draining and emotional to write.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: This is part two of lockdown, and Alex is on the warpath.

* * *

"I'm going to change into something more comfortable since I'm stuck here, with you, all night," Alex said, the bitterness dripping from her tone. She got up and walked to the kitchen to put her wine glass away.

Olivia had calmed down and spoke with a careful tone. "There are some clean clothes in the laundry basket on the bed. Your favorite..." she trailed off, remembering her old NYPD t-shirt may not be Alex's favorite anymore. "You can take the bed tonight. I'll stay on the couch."

Alex didn't respond or even look at her. She just walked back to the bedroom.

Olivia's phone rang. Alex heard it go off and Olivia answer. She was whispering and Alex wondered if it was Matthew. To keep herself from getting angrier, she went into Olivia's bathroom and sat down. She put her head in her hands and started to cry. She needed to be alone, and away from Olivia, for a few minutes.

Back in the living room, Olivia answered her cell phone. It was Stabler.

"Benson."

"Hey, Liv. I heard your building is on lockdown. I just wanted to check in on you," Elliott said.

"Yeah, all night supposedly."

"That sucks. Do you need anything? Not that I can get in, but I figured I'd ask."

"Yeah, to go back in time about a month?"

"What?" Elliott wasn't sure he followed where Olivia was going.

"Alex was here when they locked the building down. She's still here."

"Oh, wow," he said. "I guess luck was not on your side tonight."

"You could say that."

"I don't know, Liv. Maybe it's a good thing. Cap did tell you guys to figure things out."

"You heard that, huh?"

"Everybody heard that."

Olivia laughed half-heartedly.

"So, how angry is our ADA?" he asked.

"Well, neither of us have much of a voice left from yelling if that tells you anything."

"Liv, you're my partner and my best friend, but I gotta tell you, if you did what I think you did, then you screwed up."

"What do you think I did, Elliott?" Olivia's tone had changed to defensive.

"Come on, Matthew? I know you better than you think, and I know how you like to cope with problems."

"And how would that be, Elliott," Olivia said bitterness in her tone.

"You like to be physical, like me. You go to the gym and beat the shit out of the punching bag. You get a little rougher with a perp. You go to the bar and pick someone up, only for us to never hear from him again."

Olivia didn't say anything; she knew he was right.

"Fine. Yes, Matt and I slept together. We're old friends and Alex and I were broken up."

"Were you though?"

"Were we broken up? Yeah, I'd say so. She walked out of my apartment after the Cavanaugh case, left her key to my apartment, and said goodbye. Seems pretty clear to me."

"Liv, do you know how many times Kathy and I have done that kind of thing."

"It's different, El. You're married. You have kids."

"Yes, but part of being in a relationship is working through the bad...at least if it's someone worth fighting for."

Olivia sat quietly listening. She hated with Elliott was right. She hated it even more when he tried to give her relationship advice, even if she did admire his and Kathy's love in a less than perfect situation.

"I'm just saying Olivia. Maybe she did leave, but you said yourself that she called you. Maybe she realized she had made a mistake, and you just shut her out and then went out and slept with someone else," Elliott paused to make sure Olivia was still listening to him.

"I mean, Liv, how would you feel if Alex had ran straight into the arms of that leggy brunette from the Clerk's Office," he knew this would get a rise out of his partner.

"Who are you talking about, Elliott?" Olivia lied. She knew exactly who he was talking about.

"Oh, you know exactly who I'm talking about. I see the way she looks at Alex, and I see the way you look at her when she's looking at Alex."

"You've made your point, Elliott."

"I hope so because it's obvious to anyone with eyes how long you and Alex have been in love. I'd hate to see it end because you're too damn stubborn to admit that you share a lot of the blame here," he paused again. "Talk to her. Don't yell. And apologize. Trust me, chicks like that."

Olivia smiled, "Thanks, El."

Olivia knew he was right. And she finally realized just how wrong she had been.

* * *

Alex finished crying and washed her face before coming back out into the bedroom. It sounded like Olivia was off the phone now.

She walked over to the bed to the laundry basket. She instinctively picked up Olivia's old NYPD t-shirt and pulled it into her face to smell. She did love that shirt. As she began searching for a pair of sweats to put on, she found a pair of men's boxer briefs and any sense of calmness she had managed to find was gone.

She threw them on the bed, quickly and angrily changed clothes and picked them back up again before stomping back out into the living room.

Olivia looked up when she heard the blonde coming.

"Alex, I wanted to say..."

"Save it, Olivia!" Alex yelled before throwing the boxer's at Olivia. "I'll sleep out here tonight because I sure as hell am not sleeping in your bed!"

It took Olivia a minute to process what was happening and what article of clothing she had in her hands.

 _Matthew's boxers. Shit._

"Alex, calm down. I already told you about Matthew. Why are you so angry again?"

"Because maybe I just pictured you and him and your bed together, and that's the LAST place I want to sleep tonight!"

Olivia moved toward Alex to calm her. She put her hands on the side of Alex's arms.

"Don't you dare touch me!" Alex screamed back.

Olivia immediately removed her hands. "Okay, Alex, I'm sorry. I won't touch you. Now, please, sit down and let's talk."

"Oh, you want to talk still? How about we talk about how you went and fucked someone else while I was at home crying over you, trying desperately to get you to talk to me. You didn't seem to want to talk then!"

Alex continued.

"Or, let's talk about how this is all my fault for walking out on you; for being unreasonable in my anger and not being allowed to make mistakes. I mean, you said yourself, that you were the angry one. That's why you didn't call me. Well, guess what, I was angry in that moment and when I realized what I had done...what I had given up, I tried to make it up to you almost immediately. You're the one who hangs on to her anger, Olivia."

"How about how it's not okay for me to berate your SVU team at work, over things that only matter there, but you feel like it's perfectly fine for you to berate me at home over the same things!"

Olivia knew this was only going to get worse. ADA Cabot had finally showed up and Olivia was pretty sure she was the one on trial right now.

"Alex..."

"No! I'm. Not. Done," Alex said. "You say you love me, but the last time I checked, love requires a level of forgiveness and faithfulness. And let me tell you, Olivia Benson, holding your grudge against me, not calling me back, and then going out and fucking someone else...in the bed that we used to make love in, at that, doesn't scream love, faithfulness, and forgiveness. In fact, I'd say it screams just the opposite."

"Sure, you say it didn't mean anything to you, but then again, how would you like it if I had run out and jumped in bed with that hot brunette in the clerk's office. You know the one I'm talking about. The one I used to flirt with to make you jealous before we were dating."

Olivia burst out in laughter.

"What's so funny, Olivia?"

"Nothing. I mean, Elliott just said something like that."

"You were talking to Elliott about us?!"

"No, Alex. He called while you were changing to see how the lockdown was going."

"So what did he say that's so funny?" Alex said flatly.

"He asked the same question you just did. How would I feel if you had gone out and hooked up with the girl from the clerk's office? Apparently he's also noticed my jealousy at her checking you out."

Alex just looked at her. "And? What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything, Alex, because I didn't want to think about it. It made me sick to even consider it. And I realized that's how you must have felt with Matthew. Elliott made me realize that what you're saying is true...I was the stupid one. I was the one at fault here, and I'm the one who should be apologizing."

"Go on."

"Alex, you're right. I handled things terribly and set a different standard for you and me. I was so afraid, and I spent my time walking around waiting for the shoe drop because my life could not be this perfect, with the perfect woman. Deep down, I knew you were going to leave me, and I knew I would probably deserve it, so I let you go because I never thought I deserved you."

"Olivia, you know that's not true," Alex said having calmed down and listening intently.

"Yes, Alex, it is. Please don't make excuses for me. I hurt you because I was hurt, and that's not what adults who love each other do. I'm not even sure I know how to love."

Olivia and Alex were both crying.

"I'm not saying that I didn't love you, Alex. I did. I do. So much. But I'm not sure I know how to show it, to be in a relationship."

Alex wasn't sure what to say. She was glad Olivia was finally being honest and letting her guard down, but she was still hurt and didn't know how much she could trust Olivia.

The two women just sighed as they sat beside each other on the couch. Alex reached out and gently placed her hand on top of Olivia's hand, giving her a soft smile.

"I want to trust you, Olivia. I want to work this out, but I'm not sure if I can."

"I know," Olivia said as she squeezed Alex's hand.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, I was out of town. This chapter is a little less exciting compared to the last few, but Olivia and Alex need to figure a few things out.**

* * *

Olivia and Alex sat on the couch quietly and not speaking for a long time, both nodding off to sleep. When Olivia woke up, she realized Alex had fallen asleep on her shoulder. She missed the touch from Alex, and as much as she enjoyed it, she knew they needed more time.

She eased off the couch, and gently laid Alex down with a pillow under her head. Olivia grabbed a blanket from the chair and covered Alex up. She was beautiful while she was sleeping.

Instead of going to bed, Olivia curled up on the chair in the living room, watching Alex sleep and thinking about how she would do anything to change what had happened to them, to make things right. Eventually, she dozed off.

Olivia felt like she had barely closed her eyes when she heard her phone buzzing. _Elliot._

"Hey, El," Olivia said whispering, so as to not wake Alex.

"Hey, Liv. I'm downstairs in your building, and I brought breakfast and coffee," he said.

"What? Why?"

"You're welcome," Elliot said with a chuckle. "If you must know, I heard the lockdown was lifted about an hour ago, and I figured after the night you and Alex likely had, you could probably use some food. I've seen your fridge, Liv."

"Fair enough. I'll be right down."

"I can come up unless you don't want me to."

"No, it's okay. Alex is still sleeping."

Olivia left a note for Alex in case she woke up.

 _Alex - Went downstairs to grab breakfast from Elliott. Be back soon. P.S. I turned the coffee on. - Liv_

Olivia made it downstairs to where Elliot was sitting on the steps. As she sat down beside him, he handed her a coffee and a bag.

"Bagel."

"Thanks, El," Olivia said before taking a drink of her coffee.

"So, you going to tell me about last night?" Elliot asked Olivia.

Olivia stared at the ground and took another drink of her coffee before speaking. She knew avoiding the question wouldn't do any good, and it felt good to talk to someone about it for once.

"We talked. We fought. We cried. Followed by more talking, fighting, and crying."

Olivia paused. Elliot didn't say anything. If he learned anything in living in a house full of women, it was that he needed to listen instead of trying to fix things. He wasn't good at it, but he knew this morning, it was what Olivia needed since she was finally talking to him.

"El, I don't know. I love her, but I fucked up really badly. I think she loves me, too, but I don't know if she can forgive me. I'm not sure I would."

Elliot continued to sit quietly.

"I guess I'm just not sure what I can do to fix it, or if it will ever be enough."

Elliot finally spoke up.

"Liv, I've known you a long time, and I know just how much you love Alex. I can see it. Yes, you screwed up, but I also know you did it because you were confused and hurt...and Alex probably knows that, too, deep down. It doesn't make it okay, but I have faith that our ADA has a bit more compassion and forgiveness in her than maybe we give her credit for...just don't tell her I said that," Elliott said with a smirk.

"Thanks, El," Olivia said. "But what do I do now?"

"Now, you go back upstairs with this bag of bagels," he said. "And be prepared to fight for her, no matter how long it takes."

Olivia smiled and got up, walking back upstairs to her apartment.

* * *

Alex woke to the smell of coffee. She wasn't sure where she was immediately, but it didn't take her long to figure out she was on Olivia's couch. _Oh, the lockdown._ Alex walked to Olivia's bedroom and went to the restroom. She noted that Olivia's bed was still made. She wondered where Olivia was before she saw the note on the coffee table when she came back in the living room.

Just as she was finished reading it, she heard the key in the lock turn and saw Olivia come in.

"Hi," Olivia said softly.

"Hi," Alex said.

"Elliot brought bagels. He correctly assumed I didn't have much food in the fridge and figured after last night, you know, the lockdown, that we'd need breakfast."

"That was nice of him."

"Coffee?" Olivia asked.

"Yes, thanks," Alex said as she got up and walked toward the dining room table.

Olivia walked into the kitchen and pour Alex's coffee in a mug, making it just the way she knew Alex liked it. She got the bagels and cream cheese out and put them on a platter before carrying it to the table.

"So, the lockdown is over?" Alex asked softly.

"Yeah, apparently it ended about an hour ago. I didn't know until Elliot called."

Alex just nodded as she sipped on her coffee.

"I was going to shower in a while, but if you need to get to work, you're welcome to it," Olivia said.

"Oh, I'm off the rest of the week, too," Alex said.

Olivia gave her a confused look.

Alex continued, "Apparently after we left Cragen's office, he called Donnelly."

"Oh," Olivia said with an understanding and guilty look. "Listen, Alex, I'm sorry this happened. It's all my fault."

"Olivia, we don't need to do this again. Not right now," Alex said.

Olivia's face turned disappointed. She didn't want to talk about it more, but she did want Alex to know just how sorry I am.

"I just mean, we stayed up late, and judging by the fact that your bed is still made, I'm assuming you didn't sleep much, if at all," Alex said, smiling.

Olivia was embarrassed. She didn't want to tell Alex that she was so taken by watching her sleep that she didn't want to leave.

"I got some sleep in the chair. It's pretty comfy. But yeah, you're right, we should take a breather," Olivia said.

Olivia and Alex sat in silence eating their bagels. Olivia was thinking about what Elliot said, but wasn't sure what was supposed to happen next. She was afraid if she asked too much of Alex that she would push her away. At the same time, she was worried if she didn't, that Alex never would.

"So," Olivia began slowly. "After I took a shower, I was thinking of going for a walk in Central Park today. It would be good actually to enjoy it, and not be there finding a body or chasing a perp."

Alex sat quietly, and Olivia continued.

"What I'm trying to ask is if whether you'd like to go with me? We don't have to talk about anything. Just get some fresh air and sunlight."

Alex hesitated for a moment and then said, "Yes. That sounds nice."


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Thanks for the continued reviews and messages. I'm enjoying this story and it will last quite a bit longer.

* * *

Olivia and Alex walked to the park and spent the good part of another hour walking around before they found a bench to sit on. They didn't talk about their situation while they had been walking; they just tried to enjoy each other's company. Alex told Olivia about all the books she had read while she was suspended, and Olivia filled Alex in on the temporary ADA filling in during her absence.

"I could go for some more coffee," Olivia said. "Can I get you some or anything else?"

"I'll take a coffee. Thanks."

Olivia took off toward a nearby coffee shop. On her way there she walked by a florist. She smiled as she looked at some beautiful white lilies. They were Alex's favorite and she couldn't pass up the chance to buy some, even if it was still early in their attempt at reconciliation.

When she returned to the bench she handed Alex her coffee, then the small bouquet of flowers.

"Olivia, what is this for?" Alex asked surprised by the gesture.

"Listen, Alex. I know you're tired of talking for the time being, but I just want to say this one thing. I love you, Alex. I really do. And I know we have a lot of things to work through, and I have a lot of issues to work on. But I want you to know I'm serious about this, about us. I know you're going to need time to trust me again, and I'm willing to give it to you. However, I plan to fight for you this time; to do everything in my power, it takes to show you how important you are to me."

Alex was surprised by Olivia. She wasn't sure she was ready for such a move toward them being back to good, but she wasn't going to turn it away.

"Olivia, I don't know what to say," Alex finally said.

"You don't need to say anything, Alex. Just give me a chance to win back your trust and love."

Alex smiled and nodded. Olivia was right. Alex wasn't ready to trust her again, but she wasn't ready to give up on her either. Something inside of her told her this was right, and as scared as she was, she decided to give Olivia that chance.

"I should probably get going home," Alex said after they arrived back at Olivia's apartment.

"Can I see you tonight?" Olivia said. She surprised even herself by being so forward with Alex during this vulnerable time.

"Liv, I don't know," Alex said. "I mean, today was good, but..."

"Just dinner out. I'll pick you up, we'll have dinner, and I'll drop you off at home," Olivia cut her off.

"Fine," Alex smiled. "But I'm picking the restaurant."

"Anything you want," Olivia said.

Olivia picked Alex up promptly at 7 pm. She was dressed in jeans and a button up shirt. It wasn't the night or attire Olivia had in mind when she suggested they go on a date, but it had been Alex's choice. Who knew she'd have picked a BBQ place?

When Alex opened the door, Olivia's mouth dropped open. Alex also had on jeans, but for the life of her, Olivia couldn't figure out how Alex had got them on all by herself as they were skin tight. She also had a V-neck top that hung rather low on the blonde. She looked amazing to Olivia.

"Wow, who knew our ADA had a cowgirl streak?" Olivia said with a wink.

"I know what you're thinking, Detective, and just remember, you promised to drop me off at home alone tonight," Alex smirked.

"You're right. I did. I just didn't expect, um, this," Olivia mumbled looking down at Alex's ass.

"Well, payback's a bitch, huh?" Alex laughed before grabbing her purse and closing the door behind them.

 _Alex was going to make her pay dearly_ , Olivia thought as they entered the elevator.

Dinner was fun and enjoyable for the women. Olivia didn't press the issue of "them" and Alex seemed to be relaxing a little bit. Olivia could still tell that Alex was keeping her a distance all the same, but that it was a struggle for the blonde. Heck, it was a struggle for both of them not to fall back so easily into their routine. But Olivia was being cautious not to take advantage of Alex's emotions.

After dinner, Olivia dropped Alex at home and parked in front of her building.

"Thanks for tonight, Liv," Alex said. "I had fun for the first time in weeks."

"Me, too, Alex," Olivia said as she put her hand on top of Alex's.

"Can I see you tomorrow? I mean, since we both have the day off, I just thought," Olivia started before Alex leaned in and gently kissed her on the lips.

Olivia just sat in silence, not sure what just happened.

"In case it wasn't clear, that was a yes," Alex said.

Olivia smiled. "So, brunch? Maybe we can go to that place with the good mimosas and waffles."

"Or," Alex started and then paused. "You could make me breakfast in bed tomorrow."

Alex leaned back in and kissed Olivia more deeply, this time, allowing Olivia to kiss her back.

Finally, Olivia pulled back.

"Alex, wait," Olivia said. Alex looked at her like she was crazy. "Listen, it's not that I don't want this because I do. Trust me, I really do." Olivia squeezed Alex's hand.

"It's just, I want us to do this right. I don't want us to use sex to try and fix this. Besides, there are plenty of other things we can use sex for. I just want to make sure that when we do this, you're really ready to trust me again, and I'm pretty sure you're not there yet."

Alex leaned back in her seat and sighed.

"You know, Olivia, I hate it when you're right," Alex said.

"I know, sweetie. But get used to it, because this time, I plan on doing everything right," Olivia said. "So, brunch tomorrow?"

"Fine," Alex said before opening her car door. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."


	17. Chapter 17

As Olivia drove home after leaving Alex, she had an idea, and a wicked grin came across her face, even though she knew getting up extra early was going to be in her future the next morning.

The next morning, Alex woke rested and feeling happy. The sun was coming through her bedroom window, and she stretched out, enjoying the peaceful moments. She rolled over to see what time it was.

 _10:12 am?! Shit! I was supposed to meet Olivia at 10:00...why didn't my alarm clock go off?_

She jumped out of bed to get ready and look for her phone to call Olivia. She knew she needed to hurry and change, but figured she should, at least, put the coffee on, because, well, priorities.

She stumbled out of her bedroom wearing nothing but her panties and a tank top that she had slept in.

"Shit!" Alex said as she stubbed her toe.

"Well, good morning to you, too," Olivia said from the kitchen with a huge grin.

Alex finally looked up and saw Olivia standing in her kitchen, cooking apparently.

"Liv?" Alex asked with a surprised look on her face.

"So, I'm sorry for just coming in. You never, well, I uh, I still had your key, and I just wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed. But I guess you're already out of bed," Olivia stammered. She was realizing finally that Alex may not have appreciated her just showing up and letting herself in.

"No, Liv. Thank you. It's perfect," Alex smiled.

"You're welcome," Olivia said. "Also, here's your coffee."

"Wow, you sure know how to please a lady, huh?" Alex teased before taking a sip of her coffee.

Olivia blushed.

"So, I have bacon, eggs, toast, stuff for mimosas, and well, coffee, of course," Olivia said.

"How on earth did you do all of this without me hearing? Also, did you take my phone and turn off my alarm clock?" Alex asked.

"Guilty," Olivia said. "And, I do remember that you sleep like a log after you've had wine...and you had plenty of that last night at dinner."

"Let me get this straight, you used my key to break into my apartment, came into my bedroom while I sleeping, stole my phone, turned off my alarm clock, and cooked me breakfast?" Alex asked. "I don't know whether to report you to the SVU squad for being a creepy stalker or just kiss you."

"Well, I'd certainly prefer the kiss, Counselor," Olivia said moving toward Alex.

Alex leaned in and kissed Olivia.

"Thank you, Olivia. This was really nice of you," Alex said smiling. She wasn't sure she had ever seen this side of Olivia, but she was certainly enjoying being wooed.

"I'm almost done here. If you want, the morning paper is on the table. Maybe you can get a head start on pouring us some mimosas," Olivia said. "I'll be right out with our plates."

The two finished their breakfast, as well as the bottle of champagne they use for the mimosas. Olivia started to get up to clear the plates when Alex put her hand out to stop her.

"Olivia, wait. There's no rush on that. You've done enough. Let's just enjoy this moment."

Olivia sat back down.

"Liv, you've been great the past couple of days. I mean, I can admit that it still may take me some time to not be so hurt, but I think...no, I KNOW, that we're going in the right direction," Alex said. "I also wanted to thank you for last night. I had a great time."

"So did I, Alex."

"But more importantly, I wanted to thank you for realizing that we both needed more time. I know you, and I know it could not have been easy for you to tell me no last night," Alex laughed.

"Ha! You're right. But cold showers work wonders sometimes," Olivia laughed. "But, I did mean it when I said I wanted us to do this right. No lies. No hiding. If we're going to do this, we have to be in it together, as partners. And I know when we go back to work, it will likely to cause some conflict at times, but at the end of the day, all I want to do is come home to my girlfriend...when she's ready for that."

"She's getting there," Alex said softly. "And you'll be the first to know."

Alex leaned in and kissed Olivia, again.

"Now, can I clean the plates away?" Olivia said as soon as Alex pulled back.

"Who knew you were such a clean freak?" Alex said and pushed her plate toward Olivia.

As Olivia was loading the dishwasher, Alex decided it was time to start making some of the efforts.

"What's your plans today, Olivia? You still have the whole day off, right?"

"Yeah. What did you have in mind?" Olivia replied.

Just then her phone started ringing. She sighed and answered when she saw it was Stabler.

"Benson."

"Hey, Liv. I know Cap told us to have the day off, but he needs us. 12-year-old girl raped by her step-brother. He needs us to meet her at the hospital and interview the family."

"Okay, I'll meet you there in 20."

Olivia hung up the phone and turned around to face Alex.

"I'm sorry, Alex," Olivia said. "12-year-old girl was raped."

"Don't apologize, Liv. She needs you. Go, and I'll finish up here."

"I'll call you later," Olivia said before heading out the door.

Olivia met Elliott at the hospital. They met with the victim and her family before heading to their apartment to look at the crime scene.

It was a pretty cut and dry case. The parents walked in on the rape taking place, and the father immediately restrained his older son while the mother called the police. Usually, family cases were more complicated with parents trying to protect their children, but on these rare days, they were happy to have cooperating witnesses. Munch and Fin had even gotten a confession out of the step-brother while he was at the precinct. There was never an ideal case, especially for the victim, but Olivia and Elliott would take a day like this to a lot of their other days.

They headed back to the precinct to fill out some paperwork. Despite being an open and shut case, it had still been a full day of interviews and collecting witness statements. Olivia was tired and wanted nothing more than to get home.

She called Alex and left her a message telling her about the case and when she thought she'd be leaving home. She told Alex if she wanted to do something to let her know and she would come over there. Alex didn't call her back, so Olivia figured Alex probably wanted some time to process the past few days. If Olivia was honest with herself, she probably needed it as well.

"Kathy pissed you had to come in today?" Olivia asked Elliott as they were finishing up their paperwork.

"No, actually she was taking the kids tonight over to see her sister to spend the night. It's someone's birthday," he replied.

"Well, if you're up for it, I have some beer in my apartment that I probably won't drink. You're welcome to come over if you want," she offered. Really, she wanted someone she trusted to talk to about Alex, and she suspected he knew that. But of course, she couldn't talk to him about it at the precinct.

"Sounds good, Liv. But let's pick up some pizza on the way there because if I'm right, there probably isn't much else in your fridge except beer and wine," Elliott laughed.

"You got me," she replied.

* * *

 **A/N: If you're thinking something bad, don't worry, it's probably not what you're thinking...but not promises that it won't be bad ;)**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: This chapter was really fun to write. Thanks again for the reviews. This is going to be a drawn out story, but I promise we're getting to some happy times for our ladies.**

* * *

That afternoon, with Olivia gone, Alex took some time to herself to reflect on the past few days and the past month. She had missed Olivia during their time apart. She also had been devastated by the thought of Olivia moving on from her so quickly. Her mind and heart were all over the place. She wanted to completely forgive Olivia, to jump back fully into their relationship, and move on. But she also knew she was still healing and that Olivia probably was, too. They had both said and done some hurtful things.

However, Alex did decide that, like Olivia, she was going to fight like hell for their relationship, even while allowing them to heal. A lot had happened in the past few days, she was had been perfectly fine with allowing Olivia to take the blame the other night, but she needed to start doing her part. She had planned to take Olivia out to dinner before she got called into work. Alex saw no reason they couldn't still have dinner, even if Olivia got home late. She began to formulate a plan to surprise Olivia with dinner like she has surprised Alex this morning.

Of course, there was just one problem: she had given Olivia her key back a month ago.

Never one to let small details stop her, she grabbed her purse and headed out the door for Olivia's place.

"Hey, Alex," Tom, Olivia's super said. "I'm sorry about the other night with the lockdown."

"Oh, it's okay, Tom. I actually came by to see if you could help me out with something," Alex said, flashing him her best smile. "Olivia is out stuck on a case, and I left my office and desk keys in her place. I really need to get them so I can get a file. Do you think you could help me?"

"Alex, you know I can't just do that. It's against policy. Besides, where are your keys to Olivia's place?"

"Inside with my office keys. I know it's not procedure, Tom. And I would call Olivia, but I don't want her to worry. It's just; it really is an emergency. I promise if Olivia gets mad, to take all the blame."

Tom thought about it for a moment. "Okay, Alex. Just this one. And I'm only doing this because I like you kids so much. Don't make me regret it." He handed her a key.

"Thanks, Tom. I'll be right back."

Alex smiled, satisfied that her plan had worked. She just hoped she could find Olivia's spare key so she could get back in later with dinner.

After hiking up the stairs and going inside the apartment, she walked over to the table near the apartment door. She vividly remembered leaving Olivia that night; walking out on her and leaving her key. _God, what was I thinking? No wonder Olivia thought it was over. That was so dramatic._

Alex opened the drawer to the table. The key, her key, was still there. She grabbed it, ensured it still worked and headed back downstairs to return the key to Olivia's super, thanking him on her way out.

She returned a couple of hours later with supplies for a nice romantic dinner and a movie. Shortly after that, she realized she had missed Olivia's call and voicemail. Alex decided not to ruin the surprise, so she didn't call her back. That way, Olivia was sure to come back to her own apartment and not Alex's.

Dinner was nearly done when Alex heard a knock on Olivia's door. _Olivia wouldn't be knocking_ , she thought. _Who could be there?_

She walked to the door to look through the peephole, the smile on her face suddenly dropping as she opened the door.

"Matt," Alex said coldly.

"Alex," Matt said surprised. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here." He walked into Olivia's and shut the door behind himself.

"Yeah, I'll bet you were counting on it," she said.

"What the fuck does that supposed to mean?" he snapped.

"Oh, you're going to tell me you weren't here for a booty call?" she yelled back. "Please tell me Olivia didn't know you were coming."

"She didn't, and I wasn't here for a booty call."

"Yeah, then was is your reason?"

"You know what, you don't even deserve to know why I'm here. What's your fucking problem with me anyway?"

Both Matt and Alex were yelling at each other by this point.

In the hallway, Olivia and Elliott were just reaching Olivia's apartment floor when they heard muffled screaming. They looked at each other trying to figure out where it was coming from.

"What's my problem with you?! You can't be serious!" Alex screamed. "My problem is you fucking my girlfriend!"

"EX-girlfriend!" Matt snapped back. "Or did you forget the part where you walked out on her?!"

Back in the hallway, Elliot looked at Olivia.

"Liv, I'm pretty sure that's coming from your apartment," he said as they both reached for their weapons.

Olivia walked slowly to the door, turning the handle and looking back at Elliot to make sure he had her covered.

As Olivia pushed the door open, she heard Alex scream.

"FUCK YOU, MATT!"

Quickly, Olivia and Elliot realized who the voices were and put their guns away. Olivia walked through the door.

"What the hell is going on in here?!" she yelled.

Both Alex and Matt were surprised to see Olivia and Elliott standing in the door.

"Nothing," Alex said. "I was just leaving. Dinner is in the oven."

Alex turned to leave when Olivia stepped in front of her.

"Not this time, Alex. You're not leaving until we talk about what just happened here."

Elliott stepped to block the door as a way of showing support to his partner. He was also eyeing Matt to get a read on just why he was here. Alex, he understood. But not, Matt. He knew how happy Olivia had been with the outcome of the last couple of days, and he couldn't imagine that Olivia had invited Matt there, especially since she knew Elliott was coming over.

"Well, I was here to surprise you with dinner. You'll have to ask Matt why he showed up. Unless of course you already knew he was coming," Alex said. She immediately knew she shouldn't have added the last part, but her wound had just been re-opened.

Olivia didn't say anything, just looked at her with a hurt look.

"Alex," Elliott said in a warning tone.

Alex looked down, acknowledging she knew she was wrong.

Finally, Matt spoke up.

"Olivia, I'm sorry. I honestly just came by to apologize for the trouble I caused you and Alex, and for going to Alex's apartment," Matt said.

"You went to Alex's apartment?!" Elliott laughed. "Man, you really do have a death wish."

Alex and Olivia both shot him a look that said: "shut the hell up."

"Obviously, I have the worst timing in the world because showing up here tonight, not knowing Alex was here, made things that much worse," Matt finished.

Alex just rolled her eyes. She wasn't sure she believed a word of what he was saying.

"Matt," Olivia started. "Um, you probably should go. We can talk later."

Alex then shot Olivia a look, and then toward Matt. If her eyes could burn a hole through someone, Matt would be dead.

"Okay, Liv. I'll talk to you later," Matt said as he exited Olivia's apartment.

"Well, ladies. This truly has been fun, but I think I'm going to head home to my quiet house now," Elliott said.

"You don't have to leave Elliott, there's enough food for all of us," Alex said. She really didn't want Elliott to leave, as she was slightly afraid of what Olivia was going to say to her once they were alone.

"Oh no, I see enough cat fights in my own house. Just do me a favor and remember you all love each other, please. It makes work so much easier for me," he said with a grin.

The two women laughed at his attempt the lighten the mood.

"Thanks, Elliott. I'm sorry," Olivia said.

"Don't worry about it. I'll talk to you tomorrow," he said before leaving. "Oh, and I'm taking the pizza since you obviously have dinner here now."

"So, I guess I owe you an apology," Alex said slowly.

"Well, perhaps, but first, let's eat dinner because it smells great, Alex," Olivia said. She was a lot more calm than Alex expected her to be. "Regardless of what just happened, this was sweet of you."

She leaned in a placed a small kiss on Alex's cheek.

"Really?" Alex asked.

"Yes, really, Alex. I am starving, and we definitely do need to talk about what happened here tonight and why it got so out of hand, and we will after dinner, but right now, I just want to eat."

"Oh, and perhaps you can also explain how the heck you got into my apartment?" Olivia teased. "Am I going to need to complain to the super?"

Alex laughed, "No, please don't. I'll explain it all later."

They sat down to enjoy dinner as Alex poured them both some wine. Olivia was upset with Alex, but she figured dinner would give her enough time to process and calm down instead of launching into another fight.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Wow. You guys really dislike Matt and are super defensive of Alex. I love it! But hopefully, this chapter will give a tad bit more background on Matt and Olivia's prior relationship.**

* * *

After dinner, Olivia and Alex moved to the living room.

"Come sit by me," Olivia asked of Alex.

Alex walked over and sat down. Olivia immediately put her arms around her and pulled her in for a hug and a kiss.

"Well, that wasn't what I was expecting," Alex said after Olivia pulled away.

"I'm not mad, Alex. I mean, yes, it was a little unsettling to come home to find two unexpected guests arguing in my apartment," Olivia laughed. "But I get it, you don't like Matt. I understand, and I know that it's my fault that you don't like him."

"Well, that or the fact that he's a smart ass that keeps showing up," Alex quipped.

"You don't really believe I knew he was coming, do you?" Olivia asked.

"No, Liv. I know you didn't. I was just being foolish and was angry. I'm sorry," Alex said.

"It's okay, but trust me when I tell you that, whatever Matt was, is over. I know that. He knows that. And I hope you can trust me enough to believe that."

"Why does he keep showing up here, then?"

Olivia sighed. She never really had a chance to explain her relationship with Matt to Alex, and she wasn't sure how much good it would do.

"Alex, he really is a friend, and he cares about me, _as a friend_ ," Olivia said. "Yes, he and I have blurred the lines over the years, but Alex, when we were in the academy together, he was there for me through some rough patches. He's honestly seen me at my very worst. The days when I wanted to quit. They days when I wanted to run away. The days I wanted to kill my mother. He stuck with me and helped me through that."

"So, he's not just a booty call for you?"

"No, Alex. He's not. And he's not a bad guy," Olivia said.

Alex just looked away. She believed what Olivia was telling her, and she was grateful to understand more of their relationship, but she still didn't plan on liking him.

"That said, Alex. If you want me to cut off all contact with Matt, I will do that," Olivia offered.

"Liv, I don't know. I mean, I don't want to be **that** girlfriend who is jealous of everything and everyone. But, just knowing that he's been in your bed. That he's touched you in places I've touched you. It's just hard," Alex said.

"I get it, Alex. And trust me when I say that Matt won't be a problem for us again."

Olivia leaned in and kissed Alex.

"Thank you, Olivia," Alex said. "You've had a long day, and I should probably get some rest as well since I have to work tomorrow."

"Cragen gave us the morning off, but I'll be in later tomorrow as well. I guess I'll see you then hopefully," Olivia said. They walked toward the door before sharing a goodbye kiss.

Once Alex was gone, Olivia knew that she still had to deal with Matt. She grabbed her apartment keys and headed out the door.

* * *

Olivia walked into the bar and grabbed a familiar seat next to Matt, who was drinking a beer.

"Hey," she said. She then nodded toward the bartender indicating she'd have what Matt was drinking.

"I screwed things up for you, didn't I?" Matt asked, never looking her way.

"Well, they've been better," she said. "Thank you." Olivia nodded toward the bartender who had just left her beer.

"I swear to God, Olivia. I honestly just came to apologize and wish you and Alex the best. Clearly, I have the worst timing in the world," he said.

"Yeah, you could say that. What are the chances?"

The two of them laughed.

"So, how did it go with Alex?" Matt continued.

"It went okay. I think she was embarrassed more than anything. We're okay."

"She's a feisty one. I can see why you're a good match."

"That she is," Olivia agreed.

"I mean, she's got a bit of a jealous streak. And you know how protective I am of you, so I probably made it worse," Matt said.

Olivia just laughed again. She wasn't sure how she was going to tell Matt she couldn't see him anymore.

"Listen, Matt, we do need to talk about something," Olivia said hesitantly.

"Olivia, I get it. You need space. You need to not see me so that Alex can trust you," Matt said.

Olivia just nodded. "It's not that I don't want you around..."

"I know that, Liv. But you love her," Matt cut her off.

"I do."

"Then I am more than happy to give you all the space you need, for as long as you need it."

"Thanks, Matt. You really are a good friend. Under different circumstances, I think even Alex would like you."

Matt laughed.

"Yeah, I doubt that will ever happen! But seriously, though, Olivia, if she hurts you again..."

"I know, you'll go big brother on her."

"Well, I wouldn't exactly go around calling you my sister...I mean, I have seen you naked, and liked it."

They both laughed again.

"True enough."

"So, I guess this is goodbye?"

"Well, I'm sure we'll still see each other. Besides, I heard you just got promoted to detective in Vice. I forgot to congratulate you."

"Yeah, I start on Monday."

"Well, I think another round of celebratory drinks won't hurt anyone," Olivia smiled.

She did love Alex, and would do anything for her, but she was going to miss Matt's friendship.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Again, thank you all for the reviews. We're moving into a happy period right now for a bit.**

* * *

After one more drink with Matt, Olivia went home; alone this time. She was hoping now that she had talked to both Alex and Matt that she could put all of this behind her and move on. For the first time in weeks, she was finally feeling a sense of relief. It's true, she was sad to lose a friend, but she was glad at least Alex had heard her out, even if she knew Alex and Matt would never be friendly.

Olivia also knew that Alex probably needed to know the whole story to why Matt and Olivia were close friends, and why he was so protective of her. However, as well as she knew Alex, and trusted her, she just wasn't ready to open up that part of her life just yet. Heck, even Elliot didn't know. All in due time, she thought.

* * *

The next day at work was business as usual, aside from being able to come in late. Olivia was feeling good to have cleared a hurdle with Alex and was rested for the first time in a while.

"You're in a good mood today," Elliot commented. "I take it you and Alex worked on whatever was going on at your place?"

"Yeah, we talked through it. We're okay."

"And Matt? Did you talk to him?"

"I did. I went and met him at the bar after Alex left and we also talked."

"You went and met him at a bar?"

"Save it, El. Yes, I knew he would be there. I figured if I was going to tell him to stay away, I owed it to him to do it in person at the very least."

"I don't know, Liv. It seems like he's been nothing but trouble since he popped up recently."

"It's not like that, Elliot."

"Then tell me how it is. Why do you **owe** him anything?"

"I told you; we're friends from academy."

"No, there's more to it than that. I have a lot of friends from academy that I couldn't give a rats ass about."

"That's you."

"No. I know you, Olivia. There's something else you're not telling me. And more importantly, something that you're not telling Alex."

"Elliott, the point here is that Matt isn't coming around anymore. He understood. In fact, I didn't even have to ask, he offered. Anything else is in the past."

Shortly before the end of the day, Alex made her way down to the 1-6.

"Alex, hey," Olivia said smiling and happy to see Alex.

"Hey you."

"What brings you all the way down here at this time of the day?"

"Just checking on on my favorite squad's DD5s," Alex said before moving closer to Olivia and lowering her voice. "And, I was hoping I could get a do-over on making you dinner since last night's was kind of ruined."

"Sounds like a plan, Counselor."

* * *

After dinner, Olivia and Alex settled on Alex's couch.

Olivia turned toward Alex.

"So, I wanted to talk to you about Matt," Olivia said.

"And here I thought we were having a nice, Matt-free night," Alex joked.

"I know, Alex. I just wanted you to know that I saw him last night after you left and we talked."

"Wait? You saw him?" Alex snapped and pulled away from Olivia quickly.

"Calm down, Alex. I knew he would be at the bar, and I thought I owed it to him to talk to him face to face."

Alex calmed and hesitantly replied.

"Okay, so, what happened?"

"He apologized. He said he knew he has screwed things up. He felt guilty about yelling at you like that," Olivia said.

"And what did you say?"

"I told him he was right, he had screwed things up," Olivia answered. "He also asked if I loved you. I told him I did, and he told me he wouldn't come around or call anymore."

"He said that? It was his idea?"

"Yes, Alex. I mean, I was going to tell him anyway, but he's not a bad guy Alex. He's impassioned, and he and I have obviously made some bad decisions together at times, but he really does look out for me. I trust him with my life, Alex."

"I guess I just don't understand your relationship with him. What is it about him?"

"It's a long story, Alex. I told you, he was there for me during a rough time, but you're right, there is more to it. There were some things that happened that Matt literally saved me from. I honestly owe my life and career to him."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Honestly, Alex, it's still very painful, and I'm exhausted from the week we've had. We will talk about it, soon. Just not now."

"Okay, I understand. And so long as I never have to see him again, it's okay," Alex said with a smile.

"You know, Alex. He is an NYPD officer. There is a chance your paths with cross again. In fact, he was just promoted to Detective in Vice."

"I'm sure professionally, I'll be fine," Alex said. "Now, can we please stop talking about Matt and move on to more important things."

"And just what would that be?" Olivia said, taking Alex in her arms.

"I think you owe me a kiss, Detective."

Olivia pressed her lips to Alex's and began kissing her passionately, and Alex returned with just as much passion. They both missed the intimacy between them but also knew they needed to take things slow.

Olivia moved her mouth down to the side of Alex's neck, slowing kissing her neck and behind her ear while Alex let out a soft moan. Alex's hands moved to Olivia's chest, feeling how hard Olivia's nipples were. Olivia knew things needed to stop soon, but she wasn't sure she had the willpower tonight. When Alex squeezed her nipple, it sent a jolt through Olivia.

She pushed Alex down on the couch and moved on top of her, never breaking contact with her mouth. Her knee found a spot between Alex's legs as Olivia was kissing further down Alex's neck and her hands were moving under Alex's shirt.

Alex was breathing heavy between moans and pulled Olivia into closer contact with her. She wanted Olivia so much tonight, and Olivia's knee nearly sent her over the top when she pressed harder into her core.

"Oh, God, Liv," Alex moaned as Olivia began to unbutton her pants.

"No, wait, stop," Alex finally muttered. Olivia froze, and she raised up. If anything, Alex always knew Olivia would stop on a dime anytime she heard the word stop or no.

"What's wrong, Alex? Did I hurt you?"

"No, Liv. Not at all. I just think we need to stop," Alex said and moved to sit up as Olivia moved off the top of her. "I'm sorry, it's just..."

"Don't apologize, Alex. It's okay. You're right. We're moving too fast. I mean, it's only been a handful of days."

"You're not mad?" Alex asked.

"Mad? Of course, not Alex. I would never want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with. I mean, I may need to sit in a tub of ice when I get home, but never mad," Olivia said and kissed Alex on the cheek.

"Actually, I know this might sound crazy, seeing as how I just told you to stop, but I was hoping you would stay tonight," Alex said.

Olivia gave her a confused look.

"I just want you to hold me, Liv. I miss that; waking up next to you. I miss you," Alex said.

"Oh, um, okay," Olivia said. _God, this was going to be hard._

"I know it's asking a lot, and I understand if you don't want to, or feel like you can't."

"No, Alex. I'd love to," Olivia said. "But I'm going to need that cold shower first."

The two women laughed and headed for the bedroom. After Olivia got out of the shower, she settled in the bed next to Alex and took her in her arms. She, too, had missed this. Alex was beautiful when she slept, but it felt even better to know when she woke up in the morning, Alex's face would be the first thing she would see.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: You guys deserve some good stuff (as do our ladies). This chapter is all goodness, love, smut, and is Matt-Free! Enjoy!**

* * *

For the next two weeks, Alex and Olivia had settled into a nice routine. Most evenings they would have dinner at Alex's apartment and more often than not, Olivia found herself staying over, even though they still weren't having sex again. Of course, they both wanted to, but fortunately, one or the other would put on the brakes when things were moving too fast.

Olivia was ready to move forward, but she was going to wait until Alex was ready and she hoped that it was a decision they would make when they weren't in the heat of the moment.

"Good morning," Alex said.

Olivia had just opened her eyes and looked over at the beautiful blonde laying on her side, staring at her with a smile.

"Good morning, to you, too," Olivia smiled back. She was pretty sure she could never live without that sound and sight again.

"You know, you're so beautiful and peaceful when you're sleeping. It's a different side of Olivia Benson. A side that I'm glad I'm the only one that gets to see," Alex said as she leaned forward to kiss Olivia.

"Were you watching me sleep, Cabot?" Olivia teased.

"Cabot? Is that what you call the woman who's bed you've woke up in almost every morning for the past two weeks?" Alex joked. "And, yes, I was watching you sleep. You're beautiful."

"Well, the view from over here isn't so bad either," Olivia winked.

Alex rolled toward Olivia and put her arm around her.

"I'm ready, Olivia," Alex said.

"Ready for?" Olivia asked. Sure, it was early, but she had no idea what Alex was talking about.

"For us. I love you, and I want to be with you Olivia, in every way," Alex said.

"Oh!" Olivia suddenly realized what Alex was talking about while she simultaneously had a jolt of energy run down to her core. "Wait? Right now?"

Alex smiled then laughed.

"Well, while I'd never turn down morning sex with you, I didn't mean right this moment," Alex said. "I mean, I not really into scheduling sex, but I was thinking that if you don't come straight home tonight and take me to bed, my body may just explode."

"Yeah, well, mine's about to explode now. Jesus, Alex, you sure know how to get me riled up before work," Olivia laughed.

"Just don't go and take that energy out on any perps. I already have enough to deal with when your partner gets a little too rough. Maybe he should be getting laid more," Alex joked.

"With four kids already, there's not a chance I'm suggesting that to him!" Olivia laughed. "So, tonight then?"

"I'll see you then, Detective, if not before," Alex kissed Olivia before they both got out of bed to get ready for work.

#

The day couldn't move fast enough for Olivia. She wanted to make tonight special. Even though her and Alex had slept together plenty of times before, this was different; they were different. Olivia felt like they had cleared some major hurdles and she truly felt closer to Alex than she ever had before.

#

Alex was neck deep in paperwork in her office, and normally she wouldn't mind that, but today, her mind kept wandering and thinking about to the night she had planned with Olivia. They were in a good place, and she was honestly the happiest she ever remembered being.

Suddenly there was a knock on her door that jerked her out of her thoughts.

"The flower delivery guy just dropped this off for you, Ms. Cabot," Alex's office assistant said.

Alex looked up and saw a large bouquet of flowers. She smiled.

"Thanks, Jen," Alex said as she got up to take the flowers.

"Someone must think you're pretty special," Jen said as she walked out the door.

 _I think she's pretty special, too,_ Alex thought but didn't say out loud.

She sat the bouquet of wildflowers on her desk and pulled the card out.

 _Alex, I love you today and every day. XOXO_

Alex put the card back and smiled. Yes, they had something special happening.

#

That night, when Alex got home, she lit some candles and put on some soft music. Olivia had told her she would pick up dinner, but Alex really couldn't even think about food. All she wanted tonight was Olivia.

Alex heard the lock in the door turn and her heart stopped for a moment. She couldn't believe how nervous she was, especially since they had literally done this a hundred times.

Olivia came through the door with take-out Italian and a bottle of chilled champagne.

"Oh, so we're celebrating tonight, huh?" Alex said.

"Yes, we are definitely celebrating tonight," Olivia sat down the food and drinks and took Alex in her arms for a kiss. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get dinner out of the way."

She motioned toward the dinner table.

"Actually, I do mind," Alex grinned. "I was thinking we could have dessert first tonight."

Alex barely got the words out of her mouth before Olivia took her in her arms and passionately kissed her. Olivia began walking Alex backwards to the bedroom, the two of them never breaking from their kiss.

When they reach the door, Alex pulled away.

"I take it that's a yes?" she asked then winked. She turned around to walk into the bedroom while pulling her blouse off. Olivia was standing there in awe.

"You coming?" Alex asked as she tossed her bra at Olivia.

"As you wish," Olivia smiled as she shut the door and moved to join Alex on the bed.

Alex made quick work of getting Olivia's clothes off, as well as the remainder of her own. When they were both naked, Alex pulled Olivia down on top of her, allowing her hands to explore Olivia's naked body for the first time in what seemed liked forever.

Olivia moved her mouth down to Alex's collarbone, caressing her breast with one hand, and running the other up and down Alex's thigh.

Alex laid back and allowed her body to enjoy every one of Olivia's touches. Her hands pulled Olivia closer to her, allowing their naked skin to touch.

"Mmmm, Olivia. I've missed your touch so much."

Olivia moved her mouth up to Alex's, kissing her deeply as she moved her own core over Alex's leg seeking friction.

"I've missed you, too, Alex. I love you so much." Olivia was staring straight into Alex's eyes.

"I love you, too." Alex smiled and gave a slight nod giving Olivia the permission she was seeking.

She moved her hand to Alex's inner thigh and scooted her body down, kissing Alex's breast, stomach, and pelvic bone slowly.

"Please, Olivia, don't tease," was all Alex needed to say before Olivia placed her tongue over Alex's clit. She began kissing softly, allowing her tongue to slowly add more pressure.

"Oh, God, Olivia, yes, just like that."

That was all the encouragement Olivia needed to keep going; her tongue circling Alex's sensitive area more quickly and added a sucking motion.

She heard Alex whimper and decided to move her hand over Alex's core. She slowly rubbed her, feeling Alex's wetness.

"You're so wet, Alex," Olivia mumbled before plunging one finger inside of Alex. Alex whimpered louder this time and lifted her center to feel more of Olivia inside her.

"Yes, Olivia. God, yes."

Olivia took the signal and placed another finger inside of Alex, slowly thrusting in and out, while continuing to lick Alex's clit.

As Alex began to say indistinguishable words, Olivia moved faster inside of her. She knew Alex was getting close.

She removed her mouth from Alex's clit, and Alex whimpered. She moved farther up on Alex, never removing her fingers from inside of Alex. She wanted to look at Alex when she finally came.

Alex's breath became staggered. Olivia moved her fingers inside Alex to the front of Alex, making hard and direct contact with the spot that she knew would send Alex over the edge.

As she did that, watching Alex squirm, she placed her thumb right over Alex's clit and began rubbing it hard, putting pressure on both Alex's clit and G-Spot at the same time.

Alex screamed.

"Fuck! Oh, God, Olivia don't stop, please."

Olivia kept going, applying more pressure until she felt Alex's body completely lose control beneath her. Alex's orgasm was so violent that she nearly buck Olivia off the bed. Olivia held on to her, easing the touch on Alex's clit and slowing her thrusting motion inside until Alex's body relaxed.

Alex finally relaxed her body, but couldn't make a sound but heavy breathing. Olivia took her in her arms and snuggled in next to her.

"Christ, Olivia! That was...I don't even know."

"I've never seen you speechless, Alex."

"Well, if you keep doing... **that...** you better get used to it."

Olivia gave Alex a smug smile.

"Don't get too smug, Detective. Because after I catch my breath and eat some dinner to get some stamina back, you're mine!"

"Oh, I'm counting on it," Olivia laughed.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Just for reference, if you're following canon, we're somewhere around the end of Season 3, early Season 4. I say that because some stuff** **from a couple specific episodes will be coming up soon.**

 **Also, the comments from a few of you about the other shoe dropping are hilarious. So paranoid, huh? Well, consider the shoe starting to drop in this chapter :)**

* * *

CHAPTER 22

 _6 Months Later._

"Looks like we're going to get out of here at a decent hour tonight," Elliot said as he and Olivia were finishing up their paperwork from a case they just closed. "You and Cabot got any big plans tonight?"

"Nope," Olivia said.

"None? It's Friday night. Don't tell me the honeymoon is already over."

"El, can we not talk about this in the middle of the squad room?"

"Why? We're the only ones here Olivia. No one is going to be privy to your dirty little secret of sleeping with our ADA," Elliot laughed. "So, seriously, though, why no plans?"

"I don't know. We've just hit kind of a plateau. I mean, things are still good, they're just a little less exciting."

"It's not work is it? I noticed you all have been arguing a bit more lately at the office."

"No, no. We leave that stuff at home. Well, I do anyway."

Elliot gave her a confused look.

"It's just, Alex has been busy lately, that's all. In the evenings, all she does is review files or write motions and arguments for court. It's part of the job; I get it."

"So, go to your house and spend some time for yourself. I swear, if I had my own apartment, I'd be there all the time," Elliot laughed.

"She gets hurt when I go. I don't know why. I don't know if she doesn't trust me, or whatever, but she gets defensive when I want to leave."

"Why wouldn't she trust you? Have you talked to Matt lately?"

Olivia shook her head. "Not once. He hasn't called or come by. He's been true to his word."

"Look, El, you should know better than anyone. We're just in a lull; that's all. It's normal."

"Yeah, you're right. I just like it better when you and Alex are getting along."

"Why's that?"

"Because it makes it a hell of a lot easier for us to get our warrants," Elliot grinned. "Well, since you don't have plans, do you want to grab a drink?"

"Kathy not expecting you home?"

"Her sister is there. She wouldn't even notice if I was there or not. And trust me, I'd rather be out of the house when her sister is there anyway."

"Ah, the in-laws," Olivia laughed. "Sure, let's go. I'll just call Alex on the way and let her know I won't be over tonight."

"She really does have you whipped, huh?"

"Can it, Stabler."

#

"Cabot," Alex said answering her phone. She hadn't even looked up to see who it was.

"Hey, Alex, it's me," Olivia said.

"Oh, hey."

"Elliot and I are going to grab some drinks tonight. I'll probably just head to my place after."

"Uh huh," Alex said. She was in the middle of writing an opening argument for Monday morning.

"So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Huh?"

"I said, I'll see you tomorrow. Brunch maybe?"

"Yeah, sure, sounds good."

"Okay. See you then," Olivia said. "I love you, Alex."

"Yeah, okay, see you tomorrow," Alex said. She really hadn't heard much of anything Olivia said to her.

Olivia closed her phone and rolled her eyes a bit. She knew Alex wasn't listening to anything. It had been typical of her lately. But, Olivia was thankful for a night out, even if it meant spending even more time with Elliot.

"The little lady give you permission to go out?" Elliot joked.

"Shut up, Elliot," Olivia said and then smiled.

#

Back at her apartment, Alex was finishing up her work and realized it was nearly midnight. Where had the time gone and where was Olivia? Oh right, Liv called and said something about Stabler. Alex realized she must have told her she was going back to her apartment tonight.

#

Elliot and Olivia had a few beers and decided to head home. Olivia felt like it was the first time she had been in her apartment in forever, with the exception of grabbing clean clothes or doing laundry.

She did love Alex, even more than ever, but she had to admit that they were having a rough patch, and Olivia wasn't sure why. There wasn't anything big; it was just bickering. She felt stalled, and she hated having to hide their relationship, but she also knew it was the only way as long as they were both assigned to SVU. She figured that's all this was. Just a rough patch, and like any other couple, they would get through it.

#

The following morning, Olivia showed up at Alex's apartment around 10:30 to take her to brunch.

"Hey, Olivia. You're a nice surprise," Alex said. She was sitting on the couch, still in her pajamas and writing a brief.

"Uh, yeah. I thought we were going to brunch, Alex. Did you change your mind?"

"Brunch?"

"Yeah, last night when I called, I said I'd take you to brunch today?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Liv. That's right. I'm sorry, I forgot."

"You forgot, or you weren't listening?"

"Of course, I was listening, **Olivia** ," Alex said, added extra emphasis to Liv's name. "I was just busy working and forgot. It happens."

"Yeah, well, it seems like it's been happening a lot lately," Olivia replied.

"So, what? Am I supposed to drop everything to entertain you the moment you get home? I mean, that's what you do, right?" Alex's voice was raising. "Oh no, that's right. Sometimes you don't even come home because you're working."

"That's different, Alex, and you know it. That's my job."

"And this is mine," Alex said in a biting tone.

Olivia sighed. She knew Alex was right to some degree. Olivia's job was demanding, and there were probably a lot of times when the situation was reversed.

"You're right, Alex. I'm sorry. I know your job is just as demanding and important as mine."

"No, you're right, too. I know I've not been completely attentive after work. It's just, I'm trying really hard right now to be completely prepared, especially when I'm in Petrovsky's court."

Liv laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking about the day she held you in contempt and locked you up."

"Yeah, yeah, you and Elliot got a good laugh out of that one."

"Well, you were pretty hot behind bars," Olivia teased.

The two women relaxed. It was the first time they had laughed about anything together in weeks, it seemed.

"Hey, Lex, if you're busy today with work, I can leave. I probably need to do some laundry anyway."

"Nonsense. I promised you brunch, and even if I don't remember it, I'm going to keep my word. Just give me a few minutes to get changed."

#

After they had eaten, both women headed back to their own apartments with a promise to have dinner that evening. Olivia arrived with Italian take-out and a bottle of wine. She was hoping that tonight they could spend some quality time together. It had been a long time since they weren't so focused on work, or just simply not talking much to each other. It had also been a few weeks since they had been intimate, with the exception of one night. Olivia was pretty certain Alex only slept with her that night to make Olivia happy because as soon as they were done (and it didn't take long), Alex rolled back over and went back to writing a brief.

Yes, tonight, Olivia was hoping to get her girlfriend back, even if just for a few hours.

"Thanks for picking up dinner, Liv," Alex said as they were finishing up dinner and moving to the living room couch.

"Well, I figured you needed a proper meal," Olivia said as she stood behind Alex's couch and leaned down to kiss her girlfriend on the neck.

Just then, Olivia saw Alex reach for her glasses and a file folder. This was not what she had planned for tonight. She decided rather than say something to Alex she was intensify her attempts at seducing Alex.

Still behind Alex, she reached down with both hands and caressed Alex's arms, leaving small kisses on the back and side of Alex's neck. She then leaned in close to Alex's ear, kissing it and then whispering.

"Let me make love to you, Alex."

"Liv," Alex mumbled.

Olivia moved her hands over Alex's chest and kept kissing her neck, moving from the side to the front now.

"Olivia, please," Alex said.

"Please, what?" Olivia said in a low, sultry tone. She liked it when Alex told her exactly what she wanted her to do to her.

"Please, stop, Olivia," Alex said sounding exasperated.

Olivia froze.

"What?" Olivia didn't understand what the problem was.

"I said, stop. Not tonight. I need to finish this brief. You know, the one in my hands."

Olivia removed her hands from Alex and walked back around to the front of the couch, sitting on the edge of the chair in front of the couch.

"Unbelievable," was all Olivia could say.

"What is?"

"You. This. All I wanted was a nice, romantic night with my girlfriend, and you can't put down your work for a few hours. I mean, you have all day tomorrow."

"Olivia, we already talked about this today. You said yourself that you understood."

"Yes, and you promised to be more sensitive to our time together."

Alex just sighed.

"Alex, do you know how long it's been since we've made love? Almost three weeks. Three weeks!"

"Well, I wasn't keeping track of it, but I happen to know for a fact we did last week, Olivia. Maybe you're the forgetful one."

"Last week? You call that being intimate?"

"Well, what would you call it, if not?"

"I would call it a pity fuck, all ten minutes of it. You weren't even trying, and as soon as I came, you turned over and went back to work."

"Well, I'm sorry we can't have hours long love making sessions all the time anymore like we used to. That's just part of being in a relationship, Liv. It's not all honeymoon."

"Alex, I don't expect that. All I want is a couple of hours a week where I have your attention. I don't care if we have sex for 10 minutes or 10 hours. I just want to know it means something to you; that I mean something to you."

Alex just looked at her. She wasn't even sure what to say to Olivia right now.

"I mean, are you still happy, Alex? Is there something I've done to cause this?"

"Olivia, this isn't about you!"

"Then what? Is there someone else?" Olivia asked.

"How dare you question me about being faithful! You're the only one in this relationship who's strayed, Olivia," Alex yelled back.

"Really? This again? It's been 6 months, Alex! I haven't not even once talked to or seen Matt, or anyone else for that matter. All for you, Alex. All because you asked me, and I couldn't stand the way he was treating you," Olivia yelled. She was feeling pretty disgusted with Alex right now. "I've worked my ass off for us, to make this relationship work, to keep it a secret, to make **you** happy, and you throw up something from the past in my face the first chance you get? I don't deserve that, Alex."

"Yeah, well, maybe I don't deserve you then, Olivia. That's what you friend Matt told me when he came to my apartment that night. Perhaps you should go find him since you all obviously agree on that."

"That is not what I said, Alex. I didn't say that you didn't deserve me. I said I didn't deserve for you to treat me like this."

"Olivia, I have work to do. I think you should go," Alex finally said. "I don't want to fight about this anymore."

"You want me to leave?" Olivia asked, unsure of what exactly Alex meant by that.

"Just for now, Olivia. Come over tomorrow and we'll have lunch. I promise to put away my work so we can have a nice meal."

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief.

"Okay, goodnight," she said as she walked toward the door. "I love you, Alex."

"I love you, too, Liv. Goodnight."

Olivia walked downstairs and found a taxi home. Maybe their problems were deeper than she thought. Maybe this was more than a simple rough patch. Olivia wasn't sure for once, and she wasn't sure how to fix it.

###


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: To respond to a comment from the last chapter, no, I don't hate Alex. I just wanted to show that the relationship will have ups and downs and that they will both make mistakes. Olivia has screwed up, so we needed to see so missteps with Alex, too. This chapter is short, but I wanted to get it out.**

* * *

CHAPTER 23

Olivia showed up at Alex's place the next day not sure what to expect. She took some time the night before to reflect on their relationship and convinced herself that this was normal; every couple hit skids like this. She just needed to be more understanding of Alex. Of course, she couldn't help feeling that something else was going on with Alex, she just didn't know what it was.

"Hey! You're here," Alex said when Olivia came in. She walked over to her and gave her a long kiss. That was the Alex that Olivia had missed.

"Hey, yourself," Olivia said. She looked around and saw Alex had put a lot of work into their lunch. "Wow, Alex, I think you outdid yourself here. What is all of this?"

"Just your favorite soup and sandwiches. It's really not that much, Olivia," Alex said.

"Well, either way, it's perfect, and so are you," Olivia said before leaning in to kiss Alex again.

"So, today, all day, I'm yours. I still have a little work to do, but I can finish it up before court in the morning."

"Alex, you don't have to do this."

"No, Olivia. I do. I want you to know how important you are to me, and I clearly haven't been doing a good job of that lately."

"Thanks, Alex. And I could be more understanding. I guess, it's just you haven't talked to me about it, and I was afraid that something was wrong. That maybe we weren't working for you anymore."

"Olivia, I could never feel that way. I. Love. You. You're the most important thing in the world to me. And today, I'm going to show you just how much I mean that."

Olivia smiled. Suddenly all felt right in her world again.

They spent the entire day laughing, talking, and reconnecting, both physically and emotionally.

#

That evening, Olivia and Alex went out to dinner. Alex figured if she wasn't at home and anywhere near her work, she couldn't be tempted to do any of it.

"Alex, today was perfect. Thank you."

"Anything for you, Liv."

"So, do you want me to take you home? I know you have to get up early to finish up preparations for court tomorrow."

"Actually, Olivia, what I have is fine. I mean, I could re-write it thousands of times, and it wouldn't make any difference. I thought maybe we could go back to your place tonight. There's no temptation for me to do any work there."

"Oh, yeah, of course." Olivia was caught off guard. They had spent most of the past six months at Alex's apartment, and in fact, Alex hadn't stayed at Olivia's place since the Matt ordeal.

After they had got to Olivia's apartment, Liv went to the kitchen.

"Alex, if you want to change, I'll pour us some wine. Maybe we can watch a movie or something."

"Sounds good, Liv." Alex walked to Olivia's bedroom.

When she got there, she was surprised. She immediately noticed that Olivia rearranged everything, and purchased what appeared to be a new bed. She smirked to herself thinking of that last time she had been in Olivia's bedroom when she found Matt's underwear.

"Liv, did you get a new bed?" Alex asked after changing and returning to the living room.

"Um, yeah. A couple of months ago. I thought the bedroom needed a facelift."

Alex sat on the couch and put her arms around Olivia.

"Thank you," she leaned in and kissed her.

"For what?"

"You're telling me you just randomly decided to get not only a new mattress but a new bed frame as well?" Alex narrowed her eyes at Olivia, keeping the grin on her face.

"I just thought that with all the changes in my life the last six months, that I could use a fresh start in there," Olivia teased.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"That I got a new bed?" Olivia laughed.

"You know that's not what I mean."

"I just didn't want you to feel obligated. I wanted you to be here, with me, in my bed, when you were comfortable."

"You have no idea how much I love you right now, Olivia."

"Well, you could show me," Olivia teased. "I mean, I've barely slept in the new bed, much less 'broke it in'."

"Let's see what we can do about that," Alex said getting up off the couch and leading Olivia into the bedroom.

* * *

 **A/N: thanks to 'peterpeter' for the suggestion on the new bed for Olivia.**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N:** So, I thought the girls needed a fun chapter or two. So, I plan on this one and the next one being light and fun before moving into some more heavy stuff.

A few things to answer some questions and get you anxious for what is ahead: Yes, we'll find out what is going on with Alex and work...she has a reason that hasn't been revealed yet. Yes, people will start to put their relationship together. There is some turmoil coming up, but they are in an adult relationship...that is par for the course.

And yes, Matt will be making an interesting return. No, Olivia hasn't given the full backstory to Alex yet. It's coming. Someone's life is going to be in danger soon, and Alex and Olivia will have some decision to make about their future. It's going to be full speed ahead til the end after these fun chapters.

Keep leaving reviews, though, I love them, and sometimes they give me a different perspective and change things up a bit.

* * *

CHAPTER 24

"Hey, Liv, what would you think about going away this weekend? I mean, of course, if you don't get a case."

It had been a week since their fight, and Olivia had noticed that Alex was making an effort to spend more time with her.

"I think that would be a good idea. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, my family is having this, uh, thing. And I hate going alone."

"Oh," Olivia said. She was surprised because to her knowledge, Alex's family didn't know about their relationship. "What kind of _thing_?"

"Just an annual BBQ; kind of like a family reunion, but less formal."

"I've never heard of a formal family reunion," Olivia laughed. "Of course, I don't exactly have a lot of experience with them either."

"Oh trust me, no one has experience with the Cabot family reunions. You're not missing out."

"Well, okay. But I have to ask Alex..." Olivia started.

"They don't know," Alex cut her off. "You would just be my friend from the SVU. Is that okay?"

"Of course. I mean, truthfully if my mom were still alive, she probably wouldn't be at the top of my list of people to tell, at least right now when we have to be careful."

"Have you told anyone? I mean, besides Elliot."

Olivia shook her head. "No. Well, I know that Kathy knows."

"Kathy? Elliot's Kathy?"

"Yeah. Apparently she figured it out first, according to Elliot."

Alex gave Olivia a confused look.

"Women's intuition was all she would tell him," Olivia laughed. "What about you?"

"My brother, Adam, knows. He's the only person I really trust outside of you. And of course, Stabler, which sounds weird for me to even say."

Olivia laughed. "Yeah, I'd say he feels the same way."

Olivia continued. "So, what does one pack for a family BBQ at the Cabot family estate? Do I need to buy a new formal dress?" Olivia asked jokingly.

Alex swatted her on the arm.

"For a BBQ? Real funny, Olivia. Just for that, I'll make sure the butler sets you up in the crappy guest room?"

"Butler?!"

"Haha, I'm just kidding, Liv. Trust me, it's probably not anywhere near as intimidating as you're thinking."

"If you say so, but tell me more about this guest room? Will it be anywhere near your room?" Olivia said with a wink.

"I'm sure we can arrange something."

#

Alex has been right - the Cabot Family BBQ wasn't nearly as terrifying as Olivia had imagined. In fact, Olivia found that she enjoyed Alex's quite a bit, and they seemed to like her, too. Of course, if they knew about their real relationship, it may have been a different story.

Adam Cabot was a different story altogether. Olivia could see why he and Alex were so close. And seeing as how he was the only person in Alex's family that knew about them, he made sure to make them as uncomfortable as possible in front of everyone else.

"So, Alex, you've been pretty busy the last few months. Is there a new man in your life that you're keeping from us?"

 _Oh, Alex's family didn't just know about her, they didn't know she was gay,_ Olivia immediately realized.

"Wouldn't you like to know, Adam? No, there's no new man in my life," Alex said. She was such a lawyer seeing as how her statement was the truth.

"Well, that's too bad. You know, Olivia, I'm always offering to set her up with my friends. I mean, you wouldn't believe the host of guys that would befriend me when we were teenagers, just to try and have a shot with Alex. And the ones that knew they couldn't still came around trying to catch a glimpse of her by the pool," Adam laughed. "She was quite the tease."

"Adam!" Alex's mom cut in. "Be nice to your sister. You'd think they were still children."

"Have you noticed that about her?" Adam continued, ignoring his mother's request.

Olivia blushed a little before replying. "I, um, maybe have seen that side of her."

Alex shot Olivia a sideways glance. It was bad enough that Adam was torturing her, and he certainly didn't need any help from Olivia. Olivia knew she'd pay for that later, in fact, she was counting on it.

"What about you, Olivia? I mean, since my sister is so opposed to being set up with any of my friends or colleagues, maybe I could get a date for you."

"Haha, no thank you, I think I'll be fine," Olivia laughed.

"Oh, I get you. You're probably into dating other cops, huh? Or at least, people who work in the same field as you. I know how you people in the criminal justice system work."

Alex was seething and attempting to stare a hole straight through Adam.

"No, I try to make it a rule to keep work at work and personal stuff at home."

"Really? Hmm, that's probably a good policy. You know, Alex, that's probably good advice. I mean, it would have saved you from dating that Langdon guy for a bit."

"Adam!" Alex had had enough.

"Adam, why are you doing this to your sister?" Alex dad asked. Of course, he was laughing right along, too.

"Woah, wait?! You dated Trevor Langdon?" Olivia asked. She could barely contain her laughter.

"Oh, she didn't tell you? I wonder what else she's keeping from you?" Adam was still laughing. "Yeah, they dated shortly after law school. What was it, about six months, Alex?"

"I'm not participating in this conversation," Alex said, giving an evil eye to both Olivia and Adam now.

"Yeah, he was smitten with her. Hell, I'm surprised he didn't propose. He spent all of law school pining over her," Adam said.

"That's not true, Adam," Alex said.

"Oh, I thought you weren't participating in this conversation? Besides, Dad can back me up. He lived in fear every day Trevor was going to ask him permission to marry you."

"It's true," Alex's dad said. "But don't worry, I would have told him, no, and then probably had him killed." They all laughed, except Alex.

Alex just rolled her eyes. "Okay, one: I don't need anyone's permission to get married. And two: I would have **never ever** married Trevor!"

"Well, you might need _someone's_ permission," Adam said with a wink. Both Olivia and Alex's eyes widened as Adam was getting way more brazen.

"I mean, you think Dad's just going to let you marry anyone?" he said, as he realized Alex and Olivia both were about to kill him, and he knew Olivia probably had her gun with her.

"Well, that's in the past, so maybe we should just leave it there," Alex said, trying to change the subject.

"You're right, you're right. It would have never worked out anyone. I'm pretty sure he would have never been able to satisfy you in the sack," Adam got in one last zinger.

"Adam!" This time, it was all of them yelling at him.

"Okay, well, I think on that note, I'm going to bed. Liv, I can show you to your room if you want."

"Sure thing," Olivia said as she got up and followed Alex upstairs into the guest bedroom.

"I'm so sorry about that, Olivia. Adam is..."

"A typical brother from what I gather," Olivia laughed.

"Yeah, I think he's anything but typical," Alex sighed.

"So, there are clean towels and everything you'll need in the bathroom. My room is right across the hall."

"Your childhood room?" Olivia asked. She had a wicked look in her eye.

"Uh, yeah, and before you get any bright ideas, know that Adam's room is just down the hall."

"Oh, I'm not worried about Adam, I can shoot him; it's your parents I'm afraid of."

"Well, in that case, their bedroom is downstairs, on the other side of the house," Alex grinned. She gave Olivia a wink before leaving for her bedroom. She passed Adam in the hall and punched him in the arm.

Olivia came out into the hallway to head to the restroom and wash her face before bed.

"So, I overheard part of your conversation, and I understand you're planning on fucking my sister in her childhood bed tonight. Did I get that right? You've got more guts than Trevor ever did," Adam said. He was relentless.

"Overheard or eavesdropping?" Olivia joked. She knew Alex had enough of Adam tonight, but truthfully, it was fun for Olivia to see a different side of Alex.

"TomAto, TomAHto."

"Well, then you also probably heard my threat to shoot you," she teased. "And I know I pretty good attorney, so I'm bound to get off."

As soon as she said _get off_ she knew she had made a mistake. She heard it as soon as it came out of her mouth.

"Yeah, and I bet that attorney **is** going to help you get off tonight," Adam said.

Olivia blushed.

"Goodnight, Liv. And I promise to behave a little more tomorrow," he said. "You obviously make my sister happy, and that makes me happy. Just make sure you treat her well, because I have my share of guns too, and a large enough estate that no one would ever find a body on."

Adam laughed and headed down the hall to his room.

Olivia finished washing up and went into Alex's room.

"You know, this is pretty hot. Sneaking into your room," Olivia said as she joined Alex in bed.

"What were you and my brother talking about so long out there?" Alex asked.

"Oh, he just wanted to know if I was going to fuck his sister in her childhood bed?" Olivia said pulling Alex into her arms.

"And what did you tell him?" Alex teased.

"You'll just have to find out," Olivia teased back before rolling on top of Alex.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Super short chapter I decided to add and wanted to get it out before I go out tonight. That said, there will now be another chapter coming with Alex's family, as well as lighter one with the SVU squad. They just may be a little shorter until we get back into the deeper stuff. I needed to give Alex and Olivia a drama break for a bit.**

* * *

CHAPTER 25

The next morning, Olivia woke up still in Alex's bed. When she moved to try to get up, Alex woke up, too.

"Shit! What time is it?" Alex jumped up out of bed.

"It's 8:00, Alex. What's wrong?"

"What's wrong is that you're still here."

Olivia laughed.

"Uh, you're not 17 anymore, Alex, and sneaking your boyfriends into your bedroom."

"Girlfriends," Alex said.

"Huh?"

"I never snuck boyfriends in; only girlfriends."

Olivia laughed.

"I'm serious, Olivia! Can you, at least, make it **look** like you slept in the bed?"

"Sure, Alex, but I have to say, seeing you this afraid of your parents is pretty hilarious."

"Go!" That was the last think Olivia heard Alex say before a pillow came flying across the room and smacked her in the face.

#

Alex and Olivia finished getting ready and headed downstairs for breakfast.

"Where's Mom and Dad?" Alex asked Adam, who was sitting at the breakfast bar eating cereal.

"Store," he replied and went back to eating his cereal.

Alex and Olivia went into the kitchen to pour some coffee and fix some cereal.

"You know, I'm surprised the two of you had the energy to get out of bed this early after the night you had," Adam said sarcastically.

"Adam, don't start," Alex warned.

"What?" he laughed.

"So, Adam, do you think maybe you could take it easy on your sister today?" Olivia asked in a pleading tone.

"Well, you certainly didn't take it easy on her last night, now did you? Jesus, Alex, I didn't remember you being such a screamer. Or maybe that's just the effect Olivia has on you. I had to put my earphones in," Adam replied.

Alex stormed toward Adam.

"I swear to God, Adam!" she yelled.

Olivia grabbed Alex from behind and pulled her away from him, turning her around.

"Adam! Seriously, could you try not to make Alex miserable today, please?!" Olivia yelled at Adam.

Adam just smiled.

"Defending my sister's honor? Impressive, Detective Benson. I like that...and you. So yes, I've had my fun for the weekend and will stop," Adam said. He got up to rinse his bowl and put it in the dishwasher.

"Hey, Lex," Adam said. He had stopped at the door of the living room. "I like Olivia. She's a keeper."

Alex just stared at him.

"You ladies have a good day. I'm going out. Party starts at 5:00, which means Aunt Betsy will probably show up around 3:00."

Alex and Olivia sat down at the table with their coffee and food.

"I'm sorry about him, Liv. He's usually not this bad," Alex sighed.

Don't be. He was being an ass," Olivia smiled. "Don't get me wrong, I know he's your brother, and I really do like him, but I will kick his ass if you want me to, Alex."

"You know, it's pretty sexy when you go all badass detective to defend me," Alex said and leaned in for a long, soft kiss.

"Well, if that is my reward, I should do it more often!"

"What do you want to do today, Liv?" Alex asked.

"Well," Olivia said, turning toward Alex and putting her hands on her thighs. "I was hoping we could get into the pool so I can get a glimpse of that girl all your brother's friends used to oggle."

"Um, I'm pretty sure you've oggled way more of my body than they ever got a chance to see."

"Yeah, but it does give me an excuse to see you almost naked in front of your family and it not be inappropriate," Olivia grinned.

"You're incorrigible."

"You love it."

"Well, I love you," Alex said and leaned forward to kiss Olivia after glancing over her shoulder that they were still alone.

#


	26. Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26

Alex's family began to show up for the BBQ and Olivia was feeling a bit overwhelmed with the amount of people there and strangers talking to her. Alex had been cornered by an aunt who wanted to know all about her job and why on earth she was working in the sex crimes unit, so Olivia was on her own much of the night.

She wandered off with a glass of wine down to the pool to get away from the crowd.

"Hey, Liv, sneaking off from the family, I see." Olivia turned around to see Adam sitting on one of the pool chairs with a beer. "Come on over and sit."

"Yeah, I guess you caught me. Everyone seems to be really into Alex and what she's up to these days," Olivia commented as she sat down by Adam.

"Yeah, well, welcome to my world. Trust me, having a barely older than you sister who is perfect doesn't do much for your confidence as a young man," Adam smiled and took a drink of his beer.

"Yeah, I can imagine," Olivia commented, even though she really had no idea what it felt like since she didn't have any siblings (that she knew of anyway).

"So, what's the deal with you and my sister?" Adam asked. "I mean, I know you're dating, and that you work together, but is this serious?"

"That depends on if you're going to use that information to get a rise out of your sister later tonight," Olivia joked.

"Fair enough. You know, that's just how we've always been, Alex and me. I figure someone needs to give her a hard time about something, but most people just let her have her way," Adam said.

Olivia laughed, "Yeah, so you've noticed that, too."

"Except you, Olivia," he said, serious again. "I don't get the feeling you let her walk all over you, and knowing my sister, I'm sure she'd never let you walk all over her."

"Yeah, I'd say that's a pretty fair assessment," Olivia nodded. "I mean, it doesn't make it easy for us at times. Do you have any idea how stubborn she can be?"

"Right?! I've been trying to tell my parents that for years. Try growing up with her."

Olivia laughed.

"So, going back to my original question, are you serious about Alex? And no, I don't plan on using this to torment her later."

"Yeah, Adam, I am. I love her very much."

"So, you're not going to hurt her...again?"

Olivia looked at him to see exactly what he meant. She could tell by the look on his face that he knew about Matt.

"Ah, so she told you about that?"

"She tells me a lot, Olivia. I mean, yes, I give her hell about everything, but she really is my best friend."

"Well, then, no, I don't plan on hurting her ever again. I mean, I can't promise that it won't happen, but it certainly won't be like before."

"Good. I believe you," he said. "You know, I've never heard her talk about anyone the way she talks about you, Olivia."

Olivia blushed and smiled.

"I've also never seen anyone look at her and look out for her the way you do."

"Well, I plan on doing that for the rest of my life, Adam."

Just then, Alex walked up to where Olivia and Adam were sitting.

"There's my two favorite people. I was wondering where you all disappeared to," Alex said. "You're behaving, I hope, Adam."

"Scout's honor."

"Yeah. You know that would mean more if you were ever in Scouts," Alex laughed.

"Hey, I was just sitting here giving your girlfriend the third degree about and rules about dating my sister. The least you could do is give me a little credit."

"It's true, Alex. He threatened to get the shotgun out if I ever hurt you."

"Okay, okay, you two are funny. Now, Olivia, would you care to join me back at the party? Aunt Betsy is really curious about what an SVU Detective does all day. She's convinced you spend all day trolling porn sites and adult sex shops."

"Who's to say I don't?" Olivia winked at Alex.

"Yeah, well, you might want to keep that to yourself, please. Let's go," Alex said, grabbing Olivia's hand and leading her back to the party.

#

The following morning, Olivia woke up in the guest room. Alex had woke her up at 3:00 am and kicked her out of bed. It was amusing to Olivia now, but it certainly wasn't at 3:00. She wandered across the hall and knocked on Alex's door gently to see if she was awake.

"Come in," Alex said on the other side of the door.

"Good morning," Olivia said.

"Good morning."

"So, what's the plan for today?" Olivia asked.

"No plan other than probably eating breakfast with my parents in a bit. Why?" Alex asked.

"Oh, I had a voicemail from Elliot last night. They're having a BBQ tonight and invited the squad to come over. He asked if we'd come by if we're back in time."

"Sure, I don't see why not. We can get ready, have breakfast, and get on the road pretty soon this morning if you want."

Olivia sat down on the bed next to Alex.

"Well, we don't have to be in a huge hurry," she leaned in and kissed Alex on the neck.

"Olivia Benson, I am not having sex with you while my parents are at the bottom of the stairs!"

"Oh come on, Alex. You kicked me out at 3:00 this morning and I'm pretty sure I wasn't done with you," Olivia said, continuing her oral assault on Alex's neck.

"Not a chance, Detective. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to take a shower...alone!"

Olivia begrudgingly got up off the bed. "Fine, but when we get home tonight, you owe me."

Alex moved toward Olivia for a kiss.

"And I will gladly pay up," she said before pulling her shirt off and disappearing into the bathroom.

"Evil," was all Olivia could say before returning to the guest room.

#

After breakfast, Alex and Olivia said their goodbyes to Alex's parents and brother, with a promise to visit soon. They loaded up Alex's car with their bags and took off down the road.

"You know, they really do make a good couple," Alex's mom commented to Alex's dad and Adam while the three of them stood in the driveway.

Adam's head snapped over to look at his parents, mouth hanging open.

"What?" he said.

"Oh, come on, Adam. How dumb do you think your mother and I are?" his father said. "It was obvious from the moment they walked in as much as we've already heard about this Detective Benson."

"So, you've known all along?" he asked. "Why haven't you said anything to Alex?"

"She's a Cabot. She needs to grow a pair and just tell us," Alex's dad replied.

"Besides, if we didn't already know, I'm pretty sure the screaming you could hear throughout the house the first night they were here would have spilled the beans," her mother said. "I'm just sorry I got up for a glass of water that night."

Adam just chuckled to himself, feeling pretty smug that he knew something that Alex didn't know. He couldn't wait to see her and Olivia again.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: I'm glad you guys liked Adam so much. He'll be back to have some fun at their expense, but don't worry, he's a good brother and will only use his info to tease Alex and not out anyone.**

* * *

CHAPTER 27

Olivia and Alex opened the door to Olivia's apartment and sat their bags on the floor. They were both feeling relaxed and refreshed from their weekend away, but the looming thought of going back to work tomorrow as beginning to set in now that they were back in the city.

"What time is Stabler's party tonight?" Alex was grabbing two water bottles from the fridge.

"5 o'clock. Are you sure you want to go?" Olivia said from the couch in the living room.

"Yeah, it'll be fun. It's been awhile since I saw all the Stabler kids. How many are there now? 30?" Alex joked as she handed Olivia a water bottle and sat down next to her on the couch. She laid her head on Liv's shoulder.

"Still just the four," Olivia laughed.

They sat in silence for a few minutes as Olivia's face began to draw more serious.

"Do you ever think about that, Alex?"

"What? Elliot's kids?"

"No, I mean, kids in general; having them?"

"Oh," Alex said surprised and sat up to face Olivia. "I guess I've never thought that much about it."

Alex began to see a disappointment form on Olivia's face and continued.

"But, I also never thought about being in a relationship where it seemed possible." Alex put her hand on top of Olivia's and smiled.

"What about you?"

Olivia looked away and sighed heavily.

"Yeah, I've thought about it; a lot."

"Are you saying you want to have kids?"

"Someday. Not right now, but I would like to have kids and try to be a better mom than I had."

"Sweetie, I don't think you'll need to try too hard. You are one of the most loving and compassionate people I know. And Liv, I watch you with the kids we work with; you're a natural at it."

Olivia smiled. Their jobs were tough, but she was always amazed at the joy she could find in the children they worked with; children who had such horrible lives, yet still had a child-like wonder. She did want kids. In fact, she wanted kids with Alex but was afraid to say those words out loud to the blonde just yet.

Olivia moved and put her arms around Alex. She placed a light kiss on her lips.

"As much fun as I had with your family this weekend, Alex, I have to say, I did miss this; having this quiet time alone with you."

"Me, too, but nice try, Detective. You're still not getting out of going to Stabler's party."

Olivia chuckled at how well Alex could read her hidden motives.

#

A few hours later, Olivia pulled up outside of Elliot's house. There was already a crowd there. Olivia was always one for arriving fashionably late to these things.

"You ready?" she asked Alex as she opened her door to get out. Alex nodded, and they walked toward the door.

"Olivia! Alex!" Kathy said as she swung the door open and pulled Olivia in for a hug. "I'm glad you guys were able to make it. Elliot said you went out of town this weekend?"

Kathy took the wine Alex was carrying and ushered the two of them into the kitchen.

"Yeah, I went to see my family and somehow talked Olivia into coming along for the ride to keep me company," Alex said. She was trying to be casual about their trip, even know she knew Kathy already knew about them.

"How was it?" Kathy asked as she turned to Olivia.

"Well, I might get a few dates out of it as Alex's family was very generous in offering to set me up with their family friends," Olivia winked at Alex and Kathy chuckled.

"What's this I hear about you going on dates?" Olivia turned around to see John Munch coming in the kitchen behind them. "And Alex, why isn't your family trying to set me up on dates?"

"That would be impossible, John, as I'm pretty certain you've already married and divorced every available woman in New York City," Alex teased.

"Et Tu, Alex?" John put his hand over his heart.

Kathy was busy putting food on serving trays and Alex moved over to help.

"Is there something I can do to help, Kathy?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, can you check on Elliot at the grill, Liv? He's been grumpy today, and I don't want him burning the meat. Since his real wife can't calm him down, maybe his work wife can," Kathy said as the three women and John laughed.

"Sure thing, Kathy."

Olivia went out to the back patio where Elliot was in the middle of flipping the burgers.

"Hey, El, how's it going? I'm supposed to make sure you don't burn the meat and aren't a grumpy butt all night."

"Yeah, yeah. You try doing this job when everyone wants to tell you exactly how they want their burgers. And these tofu burgers? They just burn up. I don't even know why people bother."

Olivia smiled at her partner as he began putting a few of the burgers onto a plate and added some hotdogs.

"How was your weekend, Liv? First time meeting the parents?"

"It was fun and interesting," Olivia said slowly. "But it wasn't exactly meeting the parents."

"What do you mean?"

"They don't know."

"Oh? Alex hasn't told them yet?"

"Well, her brother knows, but her parents don't. They don't even know she's gay."

"Seriously?! That must have made for an awkward weekend for you then."

"Not really. I understand why she hasn't told them. I mean, aside from her brother, you and Kathy are the only other people that know."

Elliot nodded and pulled more of the burgers off the grill.

"So, did you get any action this weekend, or did mom and dad have you sleeping on separate ends of the house?"

Olivia blushed.

"Well, that tells me all I need to know," Elliot joked. He handed the plate of burgers to Olivia and asked her to take them to Kathy.

After everyone had something to eat, Olivia found a place to stand near the empty fireplace and looked around the room for Alex.

"Hey, you. Fancy meeting you here."

Olivia turned around to see that Alex had snuck up beside her. She gave her a big smile and felt herself nearly leaning in for a kiss before she remembered where they were.

"Having a good time, Alex?"

"Well, define 'good'. I mean, I've been hit on at least five times tonight."

"Oh really?" Olivia raised an eyebrow. "Get any numbers, Cabot?"

Alex leaned close to Olivia, knowing it would make her feel extremely uncomfortable. She put her mouth right next to Olivia's ear and began to whisper.

"There's only one number I need, Detective Benson. And I'm pretty sure I've got yours."

Olivia was officially turned on. That voice that Alex used when she was trying to seduce her drove her wild and Alex knew shew as in overdrive right now. But, that didn't mean she was going to let up.

Alex continued whispering, letting her tongue "accidentally" flick the bottom of Olivia's ear.

"Now, are you going to take me home, or do I need to find another volunteer?"

Olivia pushed herself off the wall and made a beeline for Elliot to tell him they were leaving.

Across the room near the kitchen, Munch and Kathy had both been watching Olivia's and Alex's conversation, even if they couldn't hear anything that was being said.

"Do they think they're fooling anyone?" Munch said without every looking away from Olivia and Alex.

Kathy's head jerked around to look at Munch, mouth dropping open slightly.

"Ah, so Stabler does know!" Munch chuckled. "Don't worry, Kathy. Their secret is safe with me."

With that, he winked at Kathy and walked away.


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Much longer chapter than normal, but I wanted to get it all in. I'm not really good at writing the case stuff/episode summary, so forgive that part it. I just wanted to give you a sense of what was going on, but still focus on the behind the scenes stuff more.**

 **Also, before anyone freaks out about what is going to happen, who is right, or who is wrong...just have faith in the story. A/O with no drama isn't quite as fun.**

* * *

CHAPTER 28

The day started much like any other day in the SVU, which unfortunately meant they had received a call about a rape victim that was brought to the hospital. However, when Olivia and Elliot arrived, they found their victim being arrested by the FBI and headed to Federal lockup.

It was a case that involved organized crime and federally protected witnesses in WitSec that it seemed the Feds were doing everything in their power to make go away.

Olivia went over to Alex's to have dinner since they hadn't seen each other after work since the case began.

"So what's your next move, Liv?" Alex asked after Olivia had filled her in on their latest theories and development of the case.

"Well, I think tomorrow we're going back to see Peter and see what he'll tell us. If not, we go back to the US Attorney's Office and try to reason with Assistant US Attorney Claudia Williams."

"Claudia Williams?" Alex asked surprised at the name.

"Yeah. You know her?"

"Uh, just her name. I don't think I've met her." Alex shifted her eyes away from Olivia and looked down.

"Anyway, Alex, this case is just a mess. But, I'm tired of talking about it. Can we go to bed?"

"Yeah, I'd like that."

#

The next morning, Olivia and Elliot realized that their suspect had been relocated, and they had no way of finding him, except by talking to Ms. Williams. Cragen told they to take Alex with them when they went to the US Attorney's Office. He was hoping Alex could use some legal maneuvering to make a case for his detectives.

The meeting wasn't as fruitful as they had hoped, but they were able to get a bit more information out of Claudia. On the way out, Williams nodded goodbye to her guests.

"Stabler. Benson." They turned and headed out the door.

"It's nice to see you again, Alex. Hopefully next time will be under better circumstances."

Olivia gave a confused look to Elliot, even though he didn't know why. Alex had just told her the night before she didn't remember ever meeting Claudia.

Alex nodded and followed Olivia and Elliot out of the building. The three had an intense discussion about what the Feds should be doing, with Alex was giving an understanding point of view of Williams and pointing out that she was just doing her job, and she had an obligation to protect her witness.

"And we have an obligation to protect innocent women. Who's side of the fence are you going to sit on?" Stabler said to Alex.

"You seem awful sure he's guilty," Alex replied.

"What are we supposed to think, Alex?" Olivia broke in. "It can't be easy losing your identity, starting over; these people cost him his past. They're threatening his survival."

Alex continued to make her argument, but it was falling on deaf ears.

"What you're saying then is organized crime take precedent over rape?" Olivia stopped and turned to face Alex, her voice rising by the minute.

"Arguments can be made for both," Alex said. Olivia shot her a look like she couldn't believe Alex had just said that.

"Alex, we don't have that luxury; we're working with a serial rapist here. The next woman, I'm telling you, he's gonna kill her," Stabler said.

Alex sighed.

"I will file a Habeas in the morning. If Claudia Williams can not produce the body, the judge is going to find her in contempt," she said before giving a look to Olivia that said 'you satisfied now?'.

The following morning, she got the judge to agree to require the feds to provide DNA and blood samples for their witness, however, with the understanding that it would be drawn at the federal labs, and not the NYPD.

Upon leaving their meeting, Claudia stopped Alex in the hallway.

"You know, I respect what you're doing Alex, and why you're doing it, but you're really sticking your neck out for your detectives in SVU," Claudia said to her.

"Are you implying I'm jeopardizing my career by doing my job?" Alex questioned.

"I'm not implying it, Alex. I'm saying it," Claudia said. "Like I said, I understand what you're doing and why. I admire you for that, but you know better than anyone that this is a game of politics. You have a bright career ahead of you, Alex. Don't throw it away on something that may be out of our control anyway."

Alex sighed.

"Just make sure that Benson and Stabler get their guy the right way, and you'll be fine," Claudia finished before turning to leave.

Alex had a bad feeling about this case from the beginning that it was going to bite her in the ass. Now, it was all proving to be true in more ways than one. Alex didn't know how right she was.

* * *

By the end of the day, Olivia and Elliot were in federal lock up after their operation went south. It had ended with Peter, the federal witness, and a US Marshall dead.

They were interrogated for hours and informed by Claudia that they were under investigation by the FBI over the events of the day. When they arrived back the 1-6, things didn't get any better for them after being informed IAB was also investigating them.

For Olivia though, the worst part of the equation of Alex. Alex was pissed and wasn't budging one bit on their actions. She hadn't come to Williams to defend them or attempted to get them out of the mess they were in. Alex let them know they were in deep trouble.

"But we did nothing wrong!" Olivia yelled.

"As law enforcement officials you were **well** aware of the risks, and you disregarded them for your own benefit," Alex snapped back.

Olivia looked away because she certainly couldn't bare to look at Alex at that moment.

"Claudia could argue that sensitive information was passed on to the criminal element," Alex continued.

"Why would we do that? What's our motive?" Elliot moved over to face Alex, glancing back Olivia, who he could tell, was pissed.

"They don't need to show a motive," Alex said, narrowing her eyes at him, voice rising. "In your zeal to show up federal officers, a witness, and a US Marshall are DEAD!"

Elliot walked away from her.

"That's all a jury needs to hear," she continued to his back.

Olivia and Elliot knew their only way to get out of this mess was to figure out who had the witness, Peter Sipes, killed. Their investigation led them to arrest the mob boss, and FBI target Sergey, however before they could even get him in the squad car, they found out that their rapist, Peter's son Gavin, and the only living witness against the mob boss in the murder of Peter and the US Marshall, had just been killed while be processed in Rikers.

At the end of the day, the case had started as a shitstorm and ended in a much worse one. Sure, their rapist was off the streets and dead, but they had derailed a federal investigation that had been going on for years into organized crime. Perhaps one rapist wasn't worth the other lives that would be affected and lost as a result.

#

When Olivia got home Sunday night, she had a voicemail from Alex.

"Hey, Liv. I heard about Gavin. Call me when you get home. We should talk."

Olivia called Alex back.

"Hey, Alex. I got your message."

"I'm sorry about Gavin."

"Yeah, well, we got a serial rapist off the street," Olivia said, but Alex could tell by her voice that it didn't mean much to her right now.

"Liv, I know you're mad, and I'm sorry, but my hands were tied."

"Alex, can we talk about this tomorrow? I really just want to take a shower and go to bed."

"Okay. Dinner at my place?"

"Why don't you come over here? I'll cook. Captain told El and me to take the day, so we didn't have so much overtime."

"Okay, I'll see you then. I love you, Olivia."

"Love you, too."

#

Alex went straight to Olivia's after work on Monday night.

"Hey, Liv. How was your day off?"

"Not that great. Dinner's ready, though," Olivia nodded toward the dining room.

"It smells good. Chicken parmesan?" Alex asked, and Olivia nodded. "Shall I pour us some wine?"

"You can have wine if you want; I already opened a beer."

After dinner, Alex cleared their plates and went to join Olivia in the living room.

"Liv, I know you're mad at me."

"It's just work, Alex. I'll get over it."

"It's not just work when we bring it home with us."

"I'm not mad, Alex. I'm confused by how you could defend a rapist and justify the feds trying to cover it up."

"Olivia, that's not what I was doing, and you know it. I also don't think that's what you're mad about."

"Tell me then, Alex, what am I mad about?"

"You're mad that I couldn't come down to the Fed lock-up and save yours and Elliot's skins."

"Well, why would you, anyway? I mean, it was just our 'zeal to show up federal officers' that put us there, right?" Olivia was echoing Alex's own words to Elliot. "I mean, it certainly didn't have anything to do with all the women who were brutally raped."

"God dammit, Olivia! You think I didn't want to be there?! I had no argument to be there. It drove me crazy knowing my girlfriend was being treated like a perp, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it!"

Olivia sighed. She knew Alex was right.

"You're right, Alex. I think I'm more hurt than angry at your accusations that we did this for our own benefit. I guess I just thought, as your girlfriend, I might get the benefit of the doubt."

It was Alex that sighed this time. She knew Olivia was right about that.

"I know. I was out of line. It's hard not being able to be your girlfriend at work sometimes."

"It won't always be this way, Alex. We'll get through it."

Alex looked off. It's true. She knew it wouldn't always be this way. It was unrealistic that she would be with SVU forever, as much as she enjoyed it. Of course, after this case, she was pretty sure she set back any hope of furthering her career outside of the DA's office on hold for a while.

"Alex, I was wondering about something," Olivia said. Alex gave her a look giving her permission to continue with her question.

"The other night, you said you had never met Claudia before, but when we were in her office the other day, she said it was good to see you again."

Alex's heart stopped, and she froze. This was not when or how she wanted to have this conversation with Olivia.

"I, um, I guess maybe we met somewhere, and I just forgot," Alex lied.

"Oh, okay. It just seemed like she knew you better than you had let on. But if you say so," Olivia said with a tone of voice that signified to Alex that she was letting it go completely. Olivia didn't suspect anything out of the ordinary and obviously trusted Alex.

Olivia got up to get another beer. "More wine, Alex?" Alex nodded.

"So, you mentioned your brother was coming to visit soon?" Olivia asked bringing the wine bottle out to pour more wine for Alex.

"Yeah, next week maybe. I'll have to talk to him to confirm."

Alex could tell that Olivia was starting to relax. She knew this case had been tough on all of them and had the potential to take a toll on their relationship, but Alex was impressed how easily Olivia let her off the hook, and how well they were able to communicate how they were feeling about it. She saw it as a positive sign in their relationship. She also knew that if she wanted them to continue to grow closer, that she needed to tell Olivia the truth about Claudia.

"Olivia, I lied," Alex blurted out quickly.

"What?"

"I lied about knowing Claudia Williams. I do know her."

"Okay," Olivia said, not sure where this conversation was going. "I'm not sure I understand. Is she an ex or something?" Sure, she seemed much older than Alex, but Olivia honestly had no idea why else Alex would hide something like that.

Alex laughed. "No, no. It's nothing like that."

"Then what is it, Alex. You're kind of freaking me out right now."

"I've been in discussion with the US Attorney's office about a potential position there as an Assistant US Attorney. That's how I know Claudia. And that's why I've been working so much more lately. I'm trying to make sure all of my bases are covered in case any of my cases gets reviewed as part of the process."

Everything was starting to make sense to Olivia now.

"Alex, that's great!"

Alex looked away and Olivia could tell something else was wrong, and suddenly it dawned on her.

"Wait, is this why you bent over backward to try and please the feds on this case?" Olivia asked, feeling a bit betrayed at the moment.

"Of course not, Liv. I mean, I certainly didn't help my case, but it didn't stop me from doing my job, even after Claudia told me as much that it could only hurt me to continue pursuing it."

"Let me get this straight. You had the nerve to accuse Elliot and me of looking out for our own self-interested and pride when you had a vested interested in keeping the US Attorney's Office happy?"

"It was wrong, I know, and I should have told you," Alex said.

"Yeah, you should have."

"But, Olivia, give me the same benefit of the doubt that I wouldn't do my job to the best of my abilities just to maybe get some job in the US Attorney's Office in Boston."

Olivia froze at the word Boston. So did Alex, because she had so far left that detail out. She didn't mean for it to come out just yet, not like that.

Alex could see the hurt and anger forming on Olivia's face.

"Liv..."

"Don't, Alex."

"I was going to tell you when the time was right."

Olivia jerked her head around to look Alex directly in her eyes at the sound of Alex's words.

"When the time was right? When exactly would be the right time to tell your girlfriend that you're not only thinking of moving to Boston but already discussing positions? What, they didn't have any in Chicago, LA, or some other place that could move you farther away?"

"Olivia, I was not thinking of moving to Boston. I was contacted by them, and I had initially hoped and thought there would be an available job in New York. But there aren't any for the foreseeable future. I thought, at least, Boston wasn't too far away and that if something came up, I could transfer back here."

Alex was nearly in tears by this point.

"How exactly would that work, Alex? What, we'd see each other on weekends? Of course, that would be when I wasn't stuck out on a case, or when your decidedly busier schedule didn't take you away. I mean, it's hard enough some weeks now to spend time together, and we live in the same city. Hell, we basically live together!"

Alex put her face in her hands. She was in full on crying mode now.

"Olivia, I was doing this for you; for us!"

"For us? You were doing this for us? Let me see, you've obviously known about this for months and didn't mention it even once. You took valuable time away from us so that you could work on your case files to make a good impression, again without telling me why you weren't interested in spending time with me. Then, you bend over for the US Attorney's Office while we're out trying to find a rapist, and don't bother having mine and Stabler's back when we needed you the most. Oh, right, but we're the ones with selfish ambitions and zeal to show up the feds. It certainly wasn't you that nearly sold out rape victims for your own selfish gain."

Olivia stood up and walked to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

Several minutes later, Olivia was ready for bed. She laid down on the bed and soon the tears were rolling down her face.

On the other side of the bedroom door, in the living room, Alex had curled up on the couch and was sobbing quietly into a pillow.


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: What are we thinking? Did Alex screw up? Is Olivia overreacting? I tried to write it in such a way that both women had good arguments for their case, despite the fact that Alex obviously should have told Olivia. They love each other, and I'm trying to mature the relationship throughout the story.**

* * *

CHAPTER 29

Olivia wasn't sure when she finally fell asleep the night before. She wasn't even sure she slept at all. She laid in bed staring at the ceiling until she saw the sunlight coming through her window. Her eyes were still red and puffy from crying all night, and she knew she was not in any shape to go to work. Normally, she would suck it up and go to work since it was usually a good distraction. However, in this case, everything about work screamed Alex, and Olivia also knew Elliot would be able to tell if something was off with her. She wasn't ready to think about it, much less discuss it with Elliot.

Alex was still on Olivia's couch. Like Olivia, Alex also hadn't slept much either. She kept rehashing everything in her mind. She knew she should have talked to Olivia beforehand. She knew when this case came up, and Olivia mentioned Claudia Williams, that everything would come out. Alex had just hoped she could control everything until she was ready; until she knew if she even was going to be offered a job. It wasn't that Alex wanted to keep it from Olivia; she just didn't want to give Olivia something to worry about if it was a dead end. Alex really believed she was doing this for them. She knew if she and Olivia had a future that one of them would have to leave the SVU, and she knew that it shouldn't be Olivia. Boston was never part of the plan. Of course, she could have always asked for a transfer from SVU instead of looking at the US Attorney's Office, but she thought a job that wasn't so closely related to Olivia's, would make everything easier for them both professionally and personally. She knew how big the rumor mill at the courthouse and 1PP could be, and while they were in NYC, homosexuality wasn't fully embraced yet by all of their colleagues yet. Sure, the SVU would be supportive, but other cops, ADAs, and judges may not be so unbiased.

Alex sighed because she truly wanted to believe she had done the right thing, and maybe she did, but at this moment, she wished she would have trusted Olivia and trusted their relationship enough to talk to her.

Just then, Alex heard Olivia on the phone on the other side of the bedroom door. She could only hear Olivia's said of the conversation.

" _Hey, Captain."_

" _Yeah, thanks for yesterday. I was hoping I could take a few more days. I have some personal time built up, and if you don't need me, I was going to get out of town for a few days."_

" _Thanks. No, everything is fine. I just thought I could use a break after our last case."_

" _I will, I always do. Thanks, again, and call if you all need anything. I won't be going far."_

Olivia closed her phone and laid back down on the bed. Olivia loved Alex; she thought Alex loved her, too. No, she knew Alex loved her. But that was also why she couldn't understand why Alex hadn't talked to her; how Alex could even consider leaving her for a job in Boston. Things had been going so well, lately. Even during their rough patch, things weren't that bad. They had finally begun to communicate with each other and deal with their struggles at work. Olivia had always wanted a future with Alex, but lately, she started to feel like that future was closer than ever. Now, she couldn't believe that she had to question that. She just wished, more than anything, that Alex had trusted her and their relationship enough to talk to her.

Olivia got up to go get some coffee. She was so tired that she walked right past Alex on the couch and didn't even see her. By the time she reached the kitchen, the coffee was brewed. _Thank God, for auto-timers on coffee makers_.

"Hi," Olivia heard a soft voice behind her in the kitchen. It startled her, and she spilled part of her coffee as she turned around and saw Alex.

"Shit, Alex! What are you doing here?" Olivia didn't mean it the way it came out, she had just been startled. Olivia saw Alex's eyes fill with tears. It was then she saw that Alex's eyes were as red and puffy as hers were, and noticed the bed made up on the couch.

"I didn't mean it like that, Alex. I just...I was just startled. I didn't know you were still here," Olivia's voice softened. "Coffee?"

Alex nodded. She took the mug Olivia handed her and took a sip before speaking.

"Where are you going?"

"What?"

"I heard you on the phone with Cragen," Alex explained, and Olivia nodded with understanding.

"Alex..."

"Olivia, please don't run away from me, from us."

"You mean like you running away to Boston? That sounds a lot like running away from us, Alex." Olivia spat back.

Alex just put her head down. She knew Olivia was too hurt and angry to reason with at the moment.

Olivia softened her tone. "The shower is all yours if you need to get ready for work."

"I took the rest of the week off, too."

Olivia looked at her confused.

"After I heard you on the phone with Cragen, I emailed Donnelly. I was hoping we could talk about things, Olivia."

"Alex, the time to talk would have been months ago," Olivia said. She didn't say it with the bitter tone Alex was expecting. It was a hurt and almost defeated tone.

"I know, and I'm sorry," Alex said impassioned.

"Can you just go, Alex?"

Alex gave Olivia a hurt looked. She wasn't sure what Olivia meant by "go." Sure, she knew she wanted her to leave her apartment, but she wasn't sure what it meant for their relationship.

"Liv..."

"Just go. I promise we'll talk tomorrow. I'm not going anywhere; I just need some time to think about...this."

Alex knew she needed to give Olivia some space. She walked to the door and turned back to Olivia.

"I love you, Liv. And I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too." Alex knew those words weren't an apology.

#

True to her word, Alex let Olivia have her space. She didn't call, and she waited patiently for the next day to arrive when they could talk. At noon, Olivia still hadn't called. Alex noticed she had been pacing around the living room and decided to go for a run. At the very least, it would help her work out some of her nervous energy.

When Alex finished her run, she pulled out her cell phone and saw she had a voicemail from Olivia. _Of course, she called when I wasn't available. Just my luck._ Alex put the phone to her ear to listen, hopeful she would get to see Olivia soon.

 _"Hey, Alex, I know I said we would talk today, but I need a little more time. We'll talk soon, I promise...I love you."_

Alex smiled at the sound of Olivia's voice saying she loved her. She went home and decided she would call Elliot. She was worried about Olivia and understood her need for time, but she still wanted to know she was okay.

"Alex?" Elliot answered the phone. Alex rarely called him unless about work, and he knew she wasn't at work today.

"Hey, Stabler. I was calling to see if you had talked to Liv today," she asked.

Elliot told her to hang on and moved into an open interrogation room so he could have some privacy.

"I don't understand, Alex. I thought since you both took the week off, she was with you. Honestly, I figured you two went away somewhere and was probably in the middle of make-up sex after that Fed case we just worked," Elliot joked.

Alex was quiet.

"That bad, huh? Alex, you know Olivia will get over it. Our jobs just collide sometimes. She understands that." Alex listened to Elliot's words. It was obvious Olivia hadn't talked to Elliot because he seemed to think was all just about the case. She wasn't sure how much to say to him, after all, he was Olivia's friend and not really hers.

"It's...It's more complicated than that, Elliot," she explained.

"Oh. Well, whatever it is, you guys have gotten through worse, right? It'll be fine, Alex." He could tell by her silence and tone that she wasn't convinced. "If you need anything, you can call."

"Thanks, Elliot. And you'll call if you hear from her?"

"Of course."

"Thanks."

"Hey, Alex...Davis and 6th."

"Huh?" Alex didn't understand.

"Her pub. It's on Davis and 6th. If you don't hear from her by tonight, check there."

"Thanks, Elliot, but I don't want to intrude on her and make her think I don't trust her."

"Fair enough."

She hung up and grabbed a book from her coffee table. She knew she would need something else to pass the time until Olivia came home to her.

#

It was 8 o'clock that evening and Alex still hadn't heard from Olivia. She decided to call, but her phone was going straight to voicemail. Olivia was not allowed to do this to her. She was worried, and Olivia was running away. Regardless of how things turned out, Olivia owed it to her to talk to her, and Alex was tired of waiting around. She grabbed her purse and left to go to Olivia's apartment.

She knocked on Olivia's door, but no one answered. The apartment was quiet; she wasn't sure if anyone was there or not. She pulled out her key and unlocked the door.

She wasn't prepared for what she saw.

Olivia had certainly been there. At least a dozen beer bottles were sitting on the coffee table. Alex immediately wondered if Olivia had been alone, and then hated herself for even thinking what she was thinking. It had almost been two days since she saw Olivia, so it wasn't unreasonable to think the drinks could have all been Olivia's.

Alex wasn't planning on taking chances with their relationship, though. She left Olivia's apartment and recalled the address that Elliot had given her earlier. She knew it was nearby, even though she had never been there.

Alex entered the bar and scanned the room until she finally found the person she was looking for. She walked over to the bar.

"Where is she?"


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: So, I forgot to comment on something from Chapter 27 (where Olivia accused Alex of selling out a rape victim). If you remember, in Season 11 (I believe), Olivia actually said some version of those words to Alex. So yeah, it was harsh, but not completely out of character for Liv :)**

* * *

CHAPTER 30

"Where is she?"

Matt turned around, shocked to see Alex standing behind him. He turned back around to the bar, away from Alex.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Alex."

"Bullshit! Where. Is. She!?" Alex was standing right next to him now.

Matt was getting angry; he didn't appreciate being yelled at, and especially Alex causing a scene in his bar, but he figured he deserved it, even if he had no idea what Alex was talking about. He kept his cool and replied in a quiet voice.

"Sit down."

Alex stared at him, but took the seat anyway.

"Alex, I know you don't like me, and I understand why. But you have to believe me when I say, if you're looking for Olivia, you're asking the wrong person. I haven't talked to her in over six months, since that night."

"Why should I believe you? Why wouldn't I assume she's probably hiding out in your apartment?"

He pulled out his apartment keys and slid them to her.

"Don't believe me? Fine, go check yourself. But maybe instead of wasting your time here, maybe you should be figuring out why Olivia doesn't want to talk to you."

"I know why she doesn't want to talk to me. I'm just worried because she's not answering her phone and isn't at home. It's been two days."

"Wait, Olivia is missing?" Matt was beginning to realize the seriousness of the situation.

"Not missing, just avoiding me."

"Listen, Alex. Olivia is smart, and she's a good cop. You know that. I'm sure she's fine...but, give her another day. If not, there is a cabin in Red Bluff, not too far out of the city where she likes to get away."

Alex nodded. She wasn't about to tell him thanks, but she did want to acknowledge what he said. She got up to leave.

"Alex, she loves you. Don't let her run away."

She sighed and left the bar.

#

Instead of going home, Alex went back to Olivia's place in case she came home. She cleaned up the beer bottles and did a load of Olivia's laundry. Mostly, she was still just anxious and worried about Olivia but was hopeful she would return soon.

Alex finally laid down to sleep on the couch. She felt like she hadn't slept in days, so it was no surprise when she woke up the next morning, and it was 10 am. Alex got up and looked around the apartment. _Still no Olivia_.

She walked into the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee when she heard the door unlock.

"Olivia!" Olivia walked in the door.

"Alex," Olivia said quietly as she shut the door behind her. "I...I'm sorry I didn't call when I said I would."

"Where have you been?" Alex demanded.

"Alex, it's not what you think."

"You have no idea what I'm thinking."

"Alex, I haven't seen Matt, if that's what you're thinking."

"I know that."

"You know?"

"I saw him."

Olivia looked at Alex with a surprised look.

"I was worried sick about you, Olivia! So I went looking for you last night after you weren't at home and wasn't taking my calls."

Olivia was quiet.

"You promised, Olivia! You said we would talk; you promised we would talk, and you disappeared! I didn't know where you were. Elliot didn't know where you were! Matt didn't know where you were! You can be mad at me for not telling you about Boston, but you don't get to do this, Olivia Benson! You don't get to run away from me and make me worry about you!"

All of the fears Alex had been holding in had turned to anger when Olivia came home safe.

"Alex, do we have to do this now?" Olivia pleaded.

"Yes. We do have to do it now because we're going to talk about this. I'm not giving you another chance to push me away and avoid what is happening."

Olivia walked away toward the bedroom.

"Don't you dare walk away from me, Olivia. Not again!" Alex stormed after her.

Olivia turned around.

"Fine, let's talk! Tell me, Alex. Tell me how moving to Boston was supposed to be for us, because I've been walking around all night, and for the life of me, I can't understand how that was for US!"

Alex sat down on the bed. She was glad Olivia was finally talking to her, even if it meant Alex had to own up to her part in this. She sighed.

"I was wrong, Olivia. I should have talked to you. I honestly just wanted us to be able to be open in our relationship. As long as we're hiding us, we can't move forward. Getting out of SVU was part of that, as much as I love it. But even better for us, I thought, was to get out of the DA's Office."

Olivia sat beside Alex on the bed. She was quiet and listening. Alex continued.

"Boston was never part of the plan. I didn't want Boston. I never did. But I wanted us to be together, even if it meant making some temporary sacrifices."

"Why?" That was all Olivia could say.

"Why didn't I tell you?" Alex asked. Olivia nodded.

"I was afraid, Liv. Our jobs are so stressful, and things were going go well between us after a difficult start, that I just didn't want to risk losing you before we had a chance to see where this went."

"Alex, I love you. I would have understood. I would have supported you."

Alex looked away, tears building in her eyes.

"Why did you leave me, Olivia?"

It was Olivia's turn to look away. She knew she screwed up. Not even that she made a mistake, but she knew Alex would worry about her, and she left anyway. She bit her bottom lip to keep from crying.

"Alex, I'm sorry. I have no excuse except that, like you, I was afraid. I am afraid. I'm afraid if you move to Boston and weekends will turn into every other weekend, which will turn into once a month, and so on, until it doesn't make sense for us to...be an us, anymore."

Alex knew that Olivia's fears were justified. She had been having the same ones for months, ever since she found out about Boston. It was also part of the reason she hadn't talked to Olivia about it. If she avoided it as long as possible, it wouldn't have to be real for them.

"I was afraid, too, Liv. But listen, you, me, we're together, we're partners, and we have to start dealing with these things together. I screwed up, Olivia, but I was trying to do it to protect you. But you, you did this to hurt me."

Olivia turned away again. She knew Alex was right. She had left to hurt Alex, and she didn't know why.

The two women sat in silence for the next several minutes.

"You've really been walking around all night?" Alex asked.

Olivia nodded. "Most of the night. I found a diner with some good coffee early this morning."

"You must be exhausted. Do you want a bath, or do you want to sleep?"

"I think I need sleep."

Alex leaned over and hugged Olivia, and nodded her head for Olivia to lay down.

Olivia crawled up the bed. Alex crawled in behind her and put her arms around her as Olivia closed her eyes.

"Why are you doing this, Alex? I don't deserve for you to be so good to me right now."

"Of course, you do, Liv. And I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it for us."

Olivia sighed, eyes still closed.

"I'm doing this because this is what people who love each other do. I'm here, Liv, and I'm not leaving you. Ever."

* * *

 **A/N 2: I'm trying to move this story forward in some way with each chapter. We will definitely get to "Loss" soon, but from there, things will have to go off script a bit if we want them to be together. But it won't be that simple, because what fun would that be :)**


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: So, still have a clear plan in place for the remainder of this, and trying to answer any remaining questions in the story before the "end". It'll still take several more chapters, though. If you have more, feel free to ask in a review or send a message. I love hearing from you all.**

* * *

CHAPTER 31

A week or so later, Alex and Olivia were feeling better about their relationship. They had spent much of the past several nights talking about their future and what it looked like for them. They were both still feeling hurt but were both committed to sticking through this. Still, they were both overcompensating out of guilt, Olivia especially. She had been overwhelmed by how much Alex loved her. She had never been loved like that by anyone, and she was starting to believe it, to feel like maybe she did deserve love. She wanted to make sure Alex felt loved, too.

Near the end of the work day on Friday, Olivia got a phone call from Alex.

"Don't forget we're having dinner with Adam tonight. I'm picking up dinner so we don't have to be embarrassed by him out in public," Alex said.

Olivia laughed. "You've had a long week, babe. Why don't you let me pick up dinner? I was just getting finished up. I can go straight to your place," Olivia replied.

Olivia picked up dinner and flowers for Alex and began to get things ready for their guest. Alex had called on her way home and said she was running late and thanked Olivia for getting everything together for her.

"Oh, you can thank me later tonight," Olivia teased.

"Uh, you do remember Adam is spending the weekend, right?" Alex reminded her.

"Oh, I remember...and trust me, Adam better hope he packed those ear plugs," Olivia joked.

"You're terrible."

"Yeah, and you love it me for it."

"Well, you're right about that. I'll see you soon. Don't shoot my brother before I get home," Alex teased and hung up.

Fortunately for Olivia, Adam arrived there at the same time Alex arrived home. Olivia had dinner waiting for them on the table when they came in.

"Wow, Alex. You landed a hot detective who can protect you and handle wife duties? You catch every break in life, don't you?" Adam laughed.

"Well, I am a pretty lucky woman," Alex winked at Olivia.

Olivia decided to change the subject.

"So, what about you, Adam? Anyone special in your life?" she asked him.

"Oh you know, I usually have to keep the ladies away with a stick," Adam said.

Alex rolled her eyes, before jumping into the conversation. "What about Sarah?"

"Oh no, Alex. Sarah is off limits," Adam protested.

"Who's Sarah?" Olivia asked.

"His last girlfriend who was perfect for him. I mean, she was delusional enough to want to be with him, but otherwise, she was great," Alex explained. "And my brother here couldn't handle the commitment and drove her away. Although, I'm pretty sure he cries over her every night,"

Olivia laughed after seeing that Adam was chuckling as well.

"Anyway, let's talk about something else," Adam said.

"Oh, I see. You can dish it but you can't take it?" Alex said. She was enjoying turning the tables on him, even if just for a few minutes.

"So, did Mom and Dad tell you they'll be in town in a couple weekend? They mentioned something about staying with you?"

"What? No, they didn't! And why would they stay here. There are hundreds of perfectly nice hotels in downtown New York," Alex was beginning to panic.

"What's wrong, Alex? Don't want them staying in your love nest? Are you two living together yet?"

"No, we're not. And this isn't a love nest."

"Really? Because when I went to wash up for dinner, I noticed two toothbrushes in the bathroom, two make-up kits, and a bra hanging that was way too big for you," Adam grinned until a roll hit him square in the head.

Olivia had been sitting back watching Alex and Adam banter, and was laughing. She loved Alex so much.

"Really, Olivia? You're just going to sit there and laugh at this?" Alex turned to Olivia.

"Well, you told me I couldn't shoot him, so..." Olivia started. Before she could finish, a roll hit her in the face.

"Real, mature, Alex," Olivia laughed. She turned back to Adam. "So, are your folks really coming soon?"

"Yes, that part is true. Though I have no idea where they plan on staying," Adam said, finally serious.

Alex was still rolling her eyes at him.

"Actually, I did want to talk to you about that, Alex," Adam turned to her. "When do you plan on telling them?"

Olivia finished her glass of wine and immediately got up to get another bottle. She wanted to avoid this conversation.

"Adam, we've talked about this," Alex said.

"Yes, we have, but things are different for you now," he said. Alex shifted her eyes down. Adam's voice got quieter. "I mean, unless something has changed." Adam nodded toward the kitchen.

"No, no. It's good, it's just, right now is..." she trailed off.

"You never told her about Boston, did you?"

"She knows now, and we're working on it. Besides, I'm pretty sure Boston is not an option for me anymore. This has nothing to do with Olivia, though."

"Okay, so that's good. What's the holdup? Do you seriously think Mom and Dad would care?"

"Maybe. I don't know. I don't talk about my sex life with them like you do."

"Maybe you should. I mean, it's not like they don't know what sex is," Adam laughed.

"Stop, Adam."

"I will not. Ugh, you're not the one that walked in on them getting it on in the pool last summer."

"What?! Ew, you're joking."

"I wish I was. It would have saved me thousands in therapy bills," he laughed.

Alex just sighed.

"Just think about it, Alex. I mean, if you're as serious about Olivia as it seems you are, you're going to have to tell them eventually. Trust me when I say they're not going to care about any of it."

"I'll think about it."

Olivia had stayed hiding out in the kitchen while they were talking. When they finished, she came out with more wine and ice cream for dessert.

"Wow, you're really spoiling us tonight, Olivia," Adam said.

"Well, this is nothing compared to the spoiling I have planned for your sister later tonight," she winked. "Hope you brought your ear plugs."

Adam rolled his eyes and laughed. He loved his sister. He was beginning to love Olivia, too. He knew Alex and Olivia had their issues, but he had been impressed with how hard they worked for their relationship.

Of course now, he was going to have to make a trip to the market for some really good ear plugs.


	32. Chapter 32

CHAPTER 32

Olivia and Elliot were working a case about a pedophilia ring that was smuggling young boys into the country via a travel agency. They learned about it after finding a young boy in the luggage compartment of an airport shuttle bus.

Captain Cragen had sent them to track down Alex to get a search warrant for the travel agency.

"Where is Alex tonight?" Elliot asked.

"I'm not sure exactly. Some fancy party for the DA later. She's probably at dinner with colleagues now, but she's not answering."

"I'll get her assistant to get us the address," Elliot said.

They got the address and headed to the restaurant. Olivia's mouth dropped open when she saw Alex in her _fuck me red_ dress. A bit of jealousy came over her since she liked to be the one with Alex when she wore it. But, they were there to do a job and get a warrant. Besides, she figured she would just tease her about it later.

As Alex was questioning Olivia and Elliot about their basis for their warrant, Trevor Langdon walked up behind them. It was clear Trevor was Alex's dinner date when he joined in the conversation, much to Elliot and Olivia's surprise.

Olivia turned back to look at Alex.

"I think, uh, Alex is dining with the enemy," Olivia said before looking back at Elliot.

Elliot looked down. For once, he had nothing to say.

"Can you give us two minutes?" Alex said as she looked up at Trevor.

"Yeah, the game's on at the bar. Why don't I check that out," Trevor said before leaving their table.

Alex finished her argument for why she couldn't get a search warrant. Olivia couldn't even look at her. She knew she had no reason to be jealous of Trevor, but she couldn't help it. And well, there was _that dress._ Thinking of Trevor being able to see Alex in that dress all night drove Olivia crazy.

"Get me some hard evidence," Alex said to Olivia.

Olivia handed her an email with proof the travel agency was setting up these "special" trips before she and Elliot finished making their argument.

Alex sighed and gave Olivia a glimpse that said _I'm sorry_ before responding to their request.

"Let's catch him in the act," Alex said, knowing they needed more proof than an email.

Olivia and Elliot left to head back to the precinct and let the squad know they needed to go undercover.

The drive back was mostly quiet. Finally Elliot spoke up.

"So, what was that about?"

"What?"

"Oh, come on, you're telling me you didn't have a problem with Alex having dinner with Trevor, who also happens to be her ex-boyfriend?"

"No, I don't. I trust her."

"Yeah, well, you may trust her, but by the jealous look on your face, you don't trust him."

Olivia rolled her eyes at her partner.

"I mean, I don't blame you. If that was Kathy out with some other dude, _in a dress like that_ , I'd have a problem with it."

Olivia sighed. "It's fine, El. It's work."

"Then why didn't she tell you about it?" Elliot said. "I'm not trying to start anything, I'm just looking out for you. Like I said, I don't think it's Alex you have to worry about, but I don't trust Trevor any farther than I can throw him."

* * *

When Olivia home to her apartment that night, she was surprised to find Alex sitting on the couch still in her dress.

"I thought you had a function that went late tonight," she asked.

"I left early," Alex said. "Besides, my company wasn't nearly as interesting as you."

Alex smiled smugly at Olivia.

Olivia just sighed and hung up her jacket. She sat next to Alex on the couch who offered her a glass of wine. She wasn't worried about Trevor at all, and truthfully, she wasn't even mad at Alex for not telling her. All Olivia could think about was that dress.

"I'm sorry, Liv, I know I should have told you. But trust me, it was nothing," Alex started to make her case. "Trevor knew I was going to the DA thing and he tricked me into dinner beforehand."

"He tricked you into dinner? Did he also trick you into wearing that dress?" Olivia asked with a smirk on her face and laughed. Alex immediately started to relax once she realized Olivia wasn't mad at her.

"No, that was for my girlfriend in the clerk's office," Alex whispered in Olivia's ear.

"Oh really, now? Well, as long as I'm the only one who gets to take it off you, I guess I'm not too mad," Olivia kissed Alex.

"You know, you're incredibly sexy when you're jealous?" Alex teased.

"Is that right? Well, let me see if I can trick you _**out**_ of that dress and show you how jealous I can be," Olivia said as she pulled Alex off the couch and into the bedroom.

An hour and a half later, Alex rolled over to look at Olivia.

"So, you really weren't mad about tonight?" she asked.

"I can admit, I was a bit surprised to see you having dinner with Trevor since you hadn't mentioned it to me...especially considering your history with him," Olivia answered.

"Liv, you know that was forever ago and really didn't mean anything," Alex said.

"I know, Alex. I trust you, don't worry. I mean, I don't' trust Trevor, but that probably has more to do with the company he keeps," she joked. "I guess I just wish you would have told me, but I understand why you didn't."

"I should have told you. I'm sorry."

"I know, and I have forgiven you because I love you." She wrapped her arms around Alex.

"What did Elliot say?" Alex made a face when she asked.

"Oh, I think he was more pissed than I was. You may owe him coffee for a week or something. He hates Trevor," Olivia teased.

* * *

The following weekend, Alex was busy preparing for her parent's visit. It was 7 o'clock on a Saturday morning and she was already out of bed and cleaning the kitchen. Not very quietly, at that.

Olivia was woken up by the sounds and walked out of the bedroom to see what the commotion was.

"Alex, what are you doing?" she asked as she reached for the coffee pot.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm washing the dishes."

"Oh, I see. For some reason I didn't realize that required a construction crew and a jackhammer," Olivia teased.

"Benson, I'm not in the mood this morning," Alex shot her a look. Alex rarely called her Benson, and when she did, Olivia knew that she was usually in trouble.

"Okay, okay. How can I help?" Olivia asked. She knew Alex was stressed about her parents coming to visit.

"Well, for starters, you can get all of your stuff out of bathroom and hide it somewhere. Same thing with your clothes in my closet," Alex said.

"Woah, Alex. Are you serious? I mean, is your mom really going to be looking through your closet?"

"With my mom, you never know."

"So what if she does? What's the worst that could happen? I thought we planned to tell them about us today anyway."

"Yes, but they don't need to know we're practically living together. I mean, am I supposed to be all, _oh hey, mom and dad, I'm gay. By the way, Olivia is my lover, and oh yeah, we live together._ I mean, we may as well show up with a priest and a baby, too, Olivia."

Olivia couldn't help but laugh at the thought. "Settle down, Alex. Besides, I don't think we could find a priest to marry us in New York just yet."

Alex threw a dish towel across the kitchen at Olivia.

"Just do it, please!"

* * *

At noon, Alex's parents showed up right on time. Alex expected nothing less. Olivia greeted them at the door.

"Caroline. Jack. Nice to see you again," Olivia said as she gave Alex's parents a hug and took their jackets to hang them up. "Alex will be right out. I was just helping her move some things around this morning."

Caroline and Jack shared a knowing glance.

Alex retreated from the bedroom. She had spent no less than an hour changing her hair and outfit.

"So, what are you plans today, Mom?" Alex asked.

"Nothing actually. Today is all yours, although your father and I do need to go check into our hotel later since our daughter didn't offer up her place for us," Caroline Cabot said.

"I just assumed you would be more comfortable in a hotel, but if you want to stay here..." Alex started.

"No, no, honey. I get you don't want your parents sleeping next to you when you're all grown up," Caroline said. "Besides, the room we got has a large hot tub in it that your father and I can't wait to get in this weekend."

 _Ew_. That was the only thought in Alex's mind as she immediately thought about Adam telling her about them in the pool last summer.

"Well, how about we go out for lunch and wander around the city? Then we can have dinner here tonight," Alex suggested.

"Well, I should get going and let you all have your family time. Alex, I'll see you later?" Olivia said. She knew the plan wasn't to tell them until dinner.

"Nonsense," Jack said. "Why don't you join us? I mean, unless you have a date or something. We wouldn't want to keep you away from someone special."

Olivia and Alex were about to die on the inside. Olivia looked to Alex for approval. Alex nodded.

"Um, okay, I guess. I didn't have any specific plans," Olivia said.

"Then it's settled," Jack said. "Now let's eat. I'm starving because your mother wouldn't stop for breakfast on the way down this morning."

"I offered him an apple and toast," Caroline said. "You'd think he never got fed."

After lunch, the four of them spent the afternoon walking around Central Park and browsing the shopping district. Jack and Caroline then headed to their hotel to get checked in, while Alex and Olivia went home to rest up before preparing dinner.

"I don't know how we're going to do this, Olivia," Alex said once they were in her apartment.

"What do you mean ' _ **we**_ '? They're ' _ **your**_ ' parents, Alex." Olivia smiled.

"Oh no, Liv, you don't get to play innocent in this. This is your fault, anyway," Alex said.

"How is this my fault? If I remember correctly, you asked me out the first time," Olivia smiled, thinking of how nervous Alex was that first night.

"Yes, but you made me fall in love with you, so you're going to be right there when I tell them how much I'm in love with you. No sneaking off to the kitchen like you did with Adam the other night."

"Oh, so you noticed that."

"I'm a lawyer. I get paid to notice things," Alex smirked.

"Fine. I'll be right here beside you, and we'll get through this. I mean, do you honestly think they're going to have a problem with you being gay? Because, I'm pretty sure they love me as much as, if not more, than you and Adam, so it can't be about me," Olivia teased.

"Very funny, Liv," Alex said. "And no, when I think about it practically, I don't think they will care that I'm gay, or dating you for that matter. We have close family friends that are gay. It's just..." Alex stopped because she wasn't sure what she was trying to say.

"You've never introduced them to someone you were dating, have you? Well, I guess except Trevor."

"Actually, Trevor was a family friend. They already knew him, so that was different. And to answer your question, no, not really. I mean, not like this. They've obviously met people I went on dates with, but no one like you."

"So that explains why you're so nervous."

"What, you never got nervous introducing someone to your mom?"

"Well, my first serious boyfriend was one of her students, so that had its own set of issues."

"Right," Alex remembered.

"Otherwise, I guess I never introduced her to anyone serious."

"Okay, then, so spare me the lecture, Benson."

"That's the second time you've called me that today, Alex. I kind of like it. I mean, not as much as Detective, but..." she leaned in to kiss Alex.

Alex pulled away.

"None of that right now. We have dinner to make."

* * *

After dinner, Alex, Olivia, Caroline, and Jack all moved to the living room.

"We should probably get going soon," Jack said noting the late hour.

"Actually, Dad, there is something that I wanted to talk to you and Mom about," Alex said slowly. She felt sick in her stomach, but she knew it was now or never.

"Is everything okay, Alex? Are you sick?" Caroline asked. Both Caroline and Jack had assumed what she was going to say, but they certainly weren't going to make it easy for her.

"No, Mom, everything is fine. It's nothing like that."

"Is it a new job?" her Dad asked. They were going to draw this out as long as they could. Adam definitely got the family sense of humor from them.

"No. No."

"Are you pregnant?" her mom finally asked. She knew it was kind of evil, but she couldn't help it. They had actually been waiting on Alex to tell them for years.

"God, no, Mom! I'm gay! Okay, that's what I was going to tell you. I'm gay and Olivia and I are in love," Alex finally blurted out. Olivia looked at her and put her hand on top of Alex's to keep her calm.

"Oh, is that all?" he dad said.

"What?" Alex asked.

"It's about damn time you told us," her mom spoke up.

"Oh my God, you knew? Did Adam tell you? I'm going to kill him!"

"Adam? Ha! No, he didn't tell us. Alex, we've known you were gay since you were a teenager sneaking girls into your bedroom when we were away. We're your parents, not idiots," her dad said. "Adam was as shocked as you look right now when he found out we knew during your last visit."

Alex was speechless.

"And, we've also known about Olivia since that weekend, too. Well, I mean, we suspected it longer, as much as you went on and on about Detective Benson," her mom said. "But that weekend, it was obvious."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Alex asked.

"What? And miss this moment? Not a chance, honey," Alex's dad smiled. "Besides, you're a grown up. We figured you'd tell us when you finally found someone that made you happier than living in secret."

"Well, we actually still have to keep it a secret because of work," Olivia finally decided to speak up.

"Oh, don't worry, we're not going to be telling anyone, but the two of you probably need to figure out a way around that soon," Jack said.

"I cannot believe this," was all Alex could say.

"Well, it really is getting late, and we should get going," Jack said as everyone got up from the couch and moved toward the front door.

"You really are welcome to stay here if you don't want to try and find a taxi at this time of night," Alex said.

"Oh, no, I was teasing you earlier, sweetie," Caroline said. "Besides, I've heard the sounds you make when Olivia is in your bed."

She winked at the girls and her and Jack walked out of Alex's apartment.

Alex and Olivia just stood in front of the door with their mouths open and cheeks blood red.

"You," Alex growled at Olivia. "You are really in trouble now, Benson."

She smirked and winked at Olivia as she headed to the bedroom.

* * *

 **A/N: This has definitely been one of my favorite chapters to write so far. Hope you enjoyed Alex finally "coming out" to her parents.**

 **Let me know what you thought!**


	33. Chapter 33

CHAPTER 33

 _ **Four Months Later.**_

Olivia quietly tried to sneak out of Alex's bed. It didn't work, as she got tangled in the blanket and nearly fell out.

"Shit!" she said.

Alex opened her eyes, barely awake to see Olivia getting out of bed.

"Liv, honey, what are you doing? Come back to bed."

Alex tried to focus in on the alarm clock as Olivia walked into the bathroom.

"It's 5 am. It's too early. If you come back to bed, I'll make it worth your while," Alex said when Olivia came back out.

"Nice try, Alex, but you can barely keep your eyes open."

"I don't need my eyes to know my way around your body," Alex mumbled. Even half asleep she was adorable to Olivia.

Olivia leaned over her on the bed to kiss her.

"As tempting an offer that is, I don't think I should show up to work in yesterday's clothes. I need to go home and grab some clean ones, and probably do some laundry tonight."

"You know, it would be a lot easier if all of your stuff were already here."

Olivia stopped at Alex's statement. Sure, they had talked casually about moving in together at some point, and they were certainly at the point in their relationship where it made sense, but they hadn't had a serious conversation about it yet. It would certainly complicate things for them at work if they had the same address on record with the city.

Olivia was getting ready to say something to Alex, to tell her they could talk about it that night, but when she looked over, she saw Alex had already gone back to sleep.

 _Oh well, we'll save that conversation for another day,_ Olivia thought, a little relieved. It's not that she didn't want to move in with Alex. It would be more convenient, but she wanted to make sure it was right for both of them and not just a matter of convenience.

* * *

When Olivia arrived at work, Cragen pulled Elliot, Fin, Munch, and her together to go over the details of a new case.

"We have a man, presumably, who is killing couples. Third couple last night," Cragen explained.

"What does that have to do with us, Cap? Wouldn't this be a homicide case?" Elliot asked.

"Vice, actually. They think the killer is tied to a prostitution ring they've been working, as the victims have all been known to frequent the same club as their target. The female victims definitely had sex before they were killed, but we're not sure yet if it was rape or consensual with the partner. And, these couples had certain sexual habits that that we think gave a sexual element to the killings. Vice believes the killings are sexually motivated, and wants us to come in on the case to help work it and see if their theory is right."

"So, what do you need from us?" Finn asked.

"Well, right now, I need you to meet with Captain Davis," Cragen nodded his head as another man entered the squad room. "He'll give you more specifics on the actual murders and get you up to speed on their angle."

"Thanks, Don," Captain Davis said. "So, I know he just filled you in on the overview of the case. What we need is some fresh eyes from people with more experience with sex crimes than we have. We'll be working this case together, but if we see it's for sure sexually motivated, we want SVU to take the lead."

Davis turned to put some photographs on the table and continued talking.

"This is the man we believe to be the leader of the prostitution ring, and we believe it is being run out of Club 411. What we don't know is if he or one of his acquaintances is our killer. We currently have an undercover officer in there who has gained some trust, but with the connection to the murders now, we need to work even more quickly."

"Ah, murder trumps prostitution," Munch quipped.

"Unfortunately, yes," Davis said. "As you can see from the crime scene photos, these murders were especially brutal, particularly toward the women."

"I'm going to leave this here with your squad while I go back to check in with mine," Davis left the evidence box and left the precinct.

The team reviewed the evidence vice had collected. The crime scenes were brutal, and they definitely appeared to be sexually motivated. Olivia pulled the victim photos together and got up to pin them on the evidence board.

"Look at all the victims, guys," she said. "They men, they're all different. I mean, aside from all being white, they don't have much physical resemblance."

"But the women, all shorter dark hair, tan skin, athletic," Olivia continued until she was cut off.

"They all look like you, Liv," Finn said. "Or at least, resemble you."

"Exactly," she said.

"Oh, no, Liv. I know what you're thinking. Not a chance," Stabler said.

"Stabler. Think about it. We need a way inside to learn about how he picks his murder victims. Vice already has someone undercover, and none of them have seen or know anyone from SVU."

"What's going on?" Cragen came out of this office.

"Benson wants to go undercover," Stabler said.

"Cap, look. All the women have short dark hair, tan skin, athletic builds. Vice already has a UC in there. It makes sense that we could set a trap by sending in two people that fit his M.O."

Cragen looked at the rest of the squad for assurance. He knew Olivia was making a valid point, and this guy had left no evidence so far.

"Captain, Liv's right. It's our best chance of catching this guy," Finn said. Stabler shot him a look.

"I'm afraid they're right, Elliot, as much as I may not like it," Cragen finally said. "Let me call Davis and run it by him and their ADA."

"We don't need to bring Cabot in on this?" Elliot asked. This time, it was Olivia who shot a look toward Elliot.

"No. She's not the ADA on this case. As of now, it's still officially a Vice case," he said before pausing. "Although, it wouldn't be a bad idea to keep her in the loop in case that changes. I'll call her."

Stabler walked away up to the crib.

"What's your problem, Stabler?"

"I don't have a problem, Liv," he said slamming his locker.

"Then what was that about? I am fully capable of handling myself in the field, Elliot," she raised her voice to him. "I would appreciate it if my partner had my back."

"I know that you are capable, Liv. I'd just feel better if I was going in undercover with you," he said.

"So you can protect me?" she spat back.

"No. Because you're my partner and because we know we work well together. We have no idea how Vice runs their undercover operations, or even who the UC is at this point."

"Elliot, it will be fine. Besides, you all will be outside waiting to burst in if anything goes south."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. But, I still don't have to like it," Elliot said before finally smiling.

"Don't have to like what?" a voice said from behind them.

"Alex, where did you come from?"

"Cragen said he wanted to talk to me, but he's on the phone right now," Alex explained. "Now, are you going to tell me what you don't have to like, Stabler?"

"Liv's going undercover. Well, maybe. That's what Cragen is on the phone about, probably," Stabler said.

"What? I haven't heard about any undercover operation and any approval certainly didn't come through my office," Alex shot a look at Olivia.

"That's because it's a Vice case that we're helping on, Alex," Olivia said.

"So, SVU was just going to tell me after the fact?" Alex questioned, still never taking her eyes off Olivia. Alex had said SVU, but Olivia knew she meant her.

"I'm sure that's what Cragen called you over here for, Alex," Stabled jumped in to deflect the icy stare his partner was getting from Alex. "He's off the phone now. Why don't you go take this up with him?"

"Oh, you can bet I will." Alex walked away to Cragen's office.

"Alex, come in. Thanks for coming," he said when he saw Alex standing in his door. She walked in and shut the door behind her.

"What's this I hear about an undercover operation, Don?" Alex said before even giving Cragen a chance to speak.

"I see my detectives have already filled you in," he sighed.

"Isn't there another way than sending one of your officers in undercover?" she asked. Cragen knew she didn't care about him sending in 'one of his officers,' he suspected this had everything to do with the fact that the officer in question was Olivia.

"Alex, there's been six murders. Three couples, in the past three weeks. Vice already has someone undercover working a prostitution ring. They believe it's connected to our murders. I just got off the phone with Captain Davis in Vice, who also believes it's our best shot to get this guy off the street."

"Why not one of their officers?"

"Most of them are known to this crowd. And, well, Olivia has a strong resemblance to our female victims. We think they are the targets for the murders, not the men."

"So you want to use Detective Benson as bait?" Alex asked. Her blood was boiling, but she was trying to stay professional.

"Actually, it was her idea," Cragen said. Alex clenched her jaw together.

"And what if I say no? I'm not sure I can get my office to authorize this," she was bluffing on that part, and he knew it.

"With all due respect, Counselor, it's not your call. The ADA for Vice has already signed off on it," he said forcefully.

Alex took a deep breath. She did not like being told no.

"Fine. But, Stabler will be in there with her, too, right?"

"No. Vice's UC has established a relationship. Olivia will go in with him as his partner and see if they can find our target."

"Who's their undercover?"

"I just found out, actually. He's been in Vice about a little under a year. We've worked with him before. Olivia knows him," Cragen said and looked down at his notes. "Detective Matthew Michaels is his name."

Alex's teeth clamped together as the blood rushed to her head. She picked up bag, and without saying a word, stormed out of Cragen's office and slammed the door. She gave Oliva the icy stare as she walked past her.

The squad just look at each other.

"What the hell got into Cabot?" Finn asked.

Elliot and Olivia shrugged their shoulders.

"Looks like the Ice Princess has returneth," Munch smirked.

* * *

 **A/N: Before you freak out about Oliva and Matt going undercover together, just remember to trust the story. They've matured a lot since the beginning. :-)**


	34. Chapter 34

CHAPTER 34

Cragen came out of his office shortly after Alex stormed out.

"Everything is set for the UC operation. You'll go in tomorrow night, Olivia. This guy has been attacking couples on Saturdays, so hopefully you'll have one night to establish your cover and get his attention."

"What was up with Cabot?" Munch asked.

"Your guess is as good as mine, but I get a distinct feeling she doesn't care much for Detective Michaels from Vice," Cragen said and gave Olivia a look.

"Matthew Michaels?" Olivia asked. Both hers and Stabler's eyes opened wide.

"Yeah. He'll be your undercover partner," Cragen said.

"Fuck," Olivia said under her breath.

#

"No. Absolutely not!" Matt was sitting in a diner with his Captain, who had just told him about the operation, and that he'd be partnered with Detective Benson.

"It's already decided, Michaels. And you're smart enough to know this is the best plan we have. SVU is a good squad and will be providing backup."

"Can't we use a female from our department?"

"No one fits this guy's MO as well as Benson. Besides, Cragen said the two of you went to academy together. Sounds like a good fit to me. You already have an established relationship."

Matt sighed. He couldn't believe Olivia had willingly agreed to this.

Captain Davis left, and Matt took out his cell phone.

"We need to talk," he said.

"Yeah. 9:30?" Olivia said on the other end of the phone.

"See you then."

#

Olivia turned the key slowly to Alex's apartment door after work. She saw Alex sitting on the couch with her leg stretched out, a glass of wine, and a book. She didn't even look up when Olivia came in.

"Hey." Olivia's voice was soft.

Alex finally looked up and just nodded

"Have you had dinner?" Olivia knew Alex was upset, but she was trying to gauge just how upset she was.

"I'm not hungry." Alex looked back down at her book.

"Okay." Olivia went into the kitchen to make a sandwich. Quiet Alex usually meant really mad Alex. Olivia preferred Alex yelling at her to the silent treatment.

Olivia brought her plate and a bottle of water into the living room with her. She sat in the chair since Alex didn't make any offers to move her legs to make room for Olivia on the couch.

"Are we going to talk about this, Alex?"

"What's there to talk about? I mean, it's your job, right?" Alex's one was bitter and short.

"It is," Olivia said. Her voice still slow and quiet. "I didn't know, Alex. When we had the idea to go undercover, I didn't know."

Alex knew Olivia was referring to Matt.

"You; not we."

"What?" Olivia was confused.

"When _**you**_ had the idea to go undercover. It was _**your**_ idea, right?"

Olivia looked down. This was about Matt, but she also knew it was partly about Olivia putting herself in dangerous situations.

"Alex, six people have been murdered. You didn't see the photos of the bodies," Olivia paused. "What he's doing to them, those women especially, Alex, he has to be stopped."

Alex nodded, but it was more of an acknowledgement than an agreement.

"I found out after you did about Matt," Olivia continued.

Alex took a drink of her wine and gave a disbelieving chuckle.

"You don't believe me?" Olivia questioned.

Alex sighed. "Yes, I believe you," she admitted. "But seriously, Olivia, what the fuck? Just when I thought things were..." Alex's voice trailed off, and she took another drink of her wine.

"I know. I'm sorry." Olivia knew exactly what Alex had meant.

"Me, too," Alex said. Olivia knew it wasn't an apology.

Alex went back to reading her book and Olivia started her laundry. Before she realized it, it was 9:15 pm.

"Shoot." Olivia had almost forgotten about meeting Matt.

Alex looked up. Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but no words were coming out. She bit her bottom lip.

"Cat got your tongue?" Alex was, at least, making an attempt at humor.

Olivia looked away. "I have to go out for a bit."

Alex gave her a suspicious look.

Olivia sighed. "Matt and I need to talk about our cover."

"Tonight?" Alex's words stung as much as the look she was giving Olivia.

"Alex, you know there are a few other things that would be beneficial for Matt and me to discuss beforehand," Olivia said. Alex went back to not making eye contact with her.

"You can come, too. I'm not trying to keep anything from you, Alex."

Alex looked up again. "I've told you before, if I never see Matt again, it'll still be too soon," Alex smirked and gave a fake smile.

"Alex..." Olivia was pleaded for understanding.

"Olivia..." Alex replied, not giving in and starring Olivia down. "Don't you need to get going to see your 'undercover' boyfriend?" Alex's words were full of bitter and snark.

"I'll be back soon." Olivia turned and left.

#

Olivia walked into the pub where Matt was and took a seat at the bar next to him. He slid a beer over to her. They both picked up their beers and took a few drinks, sitting quietly for a minute.

"Why are you doing this?" Matt asked before taking another drink of his beer.

"The same reason you are. It's our job." Olivia quickly finished her beer and nodded for another.

"And Alex?" he asked.

"Alex understands the job," she said, trying to convince herself more than him.

He gave her a look that said he knew she was lying to him and probably herself.

She sighed. "I'll worry about Alex. You worry about not getting us killed."

"So, you understand we have to act like a couple? That means touching, possibly kissing. I mean, nothing sexual, but you need to know," Matt explained. "There can't be any room for error with these people. Whether our murderer is there or not, this prostitution ring is ruthless. If they smell a cop, we're both dead."

"I've been undercover before. I can handle it."

"I know that you can. I just need to know you can handle this assignment with me."

"It'll be fine, Matt. In fact, while not ideal, at least, we have a history and a level of comfort. That's hard to fake on these operations sometimes."

"This guy, he's into, um, somewhat kinky stuff. So, we have to be, too."

Olivia raised her eyebrows. She knew that was part of the MO, but she hadn't gotten specifics.

"Nothing too crazy. Handcuffs. Blindfolds. Rope. I mean, who knows what he's really into, but we just need to show him that we're open to, uh, exploring in the bedroom."

Both Olivia and Matt took a deep breath and Olivia blushed a little. _That part would at least be an easy sell for them_ , Olivia thought.

"See, that right there. That's good," Matt said.

Olivia wasn't following.

"You blushed. That's good. He's the dominant, and we want him to think he can push us a little out of our comfort zone. So a little hesitancy on your part is good."

Olivia nodded.

"Dress slutty, but not too slutty. Just enough to whet his appetite."

She nodded again.

"Do you still have that one black shirt? The one that shows off your stomach and is low cut?"

Olivia laughed. She remembered it well, and that Matt loved it. Alex loved it, too.

"Yeah, I still have it," she smiled. "I'll plan on wearing it tomorrow night."

"Liv, you're probably not going to have any place for a gun, besides your purse, so think small. I'll be able to have mine, though. They expect that most guest there are packing. But, you need to be careful and don't separate from me for any reason."

"So, we're looking at running this Friday and Saturday?"

"Yeah, unless we get lucky Friday night."

They both went back to sipping their beers.

"So, how bad is it with Alex, really?" Matt changed the subject.

"I don't know. Ask me when this is over." Olivia finished her second beer and started to put some money on the bar.

"No. I got it. I mean, I'm officially your boyfriend now. The least I could do is pay for your drinks," he winked.

Olivia laughed and left.

#

Olivia went back to Alex's apartment. Alex had already gone to bed but had left a lamp on in the living room. However, the message was clear. The bedroom door was shut, and Olivia's pillow, and a blanket had been tossed on the couch.

* * *

 **A/N: If you are thinking "something bad is happening in Oz" then you may be correct. More very soon. I love your ideas and reviews. Keep them coming :)**


	35. Chapter 35

CHAPTER 35

When Alex got up the next morning, Olivia was still sleeping on her couch. She had been awake and heard Olivia come home around 10:30 the night before, but she didn't have the energy to fight. She just wanted them to get through this weekend.

Alex was still mad about Matt even if she didn't know what Olivia could have done differently. Alex didn't like Matt; she was never going to like him or trust him around Olivia. She had just hoped that, for once, Olivia would have chosen Alex over her job.

As much as she was pissed about Matt, though, and as much as she knew her anger was reasonable, she was more worried about Olivia. She actually **had** seen the crime scene photos and the brutalized bodies. Every time she tried to close her eyes that night, she kept picturing Olivia's lifeless body laying there like the rest of those women.

It was just somehow easier for her to be mad about Matt than for her to admit the truth: she wasn't sure she could handle the danger Olivia's job put her in. She would never ask Olivia to give up her job, and she suspected Olivia never would offer. However, she wasn't sure she could build a life with someone when she lived in constant fear of a phone call that took them away from her forever.

#

Friday came sooner than Olivia had hoped. When she woke up, Alex was gone to work already. Olivia had the morning off since she had a late night ahead of her.

She went to her apartment to find something appropriate, or in this case, inappropriate enough, for her night ahead. She decided against the black shirt Matt had mentioned. She really didn't want to give him any mixed signals in an already precarious situation. She was starting to regret her decision to do this.

She settled on a shirt that was low enough to let the imagination wander, but that still would allow Olivia to be comfortable in public.

Alex hadn't called Olivia all day, even after she arrived at the precinct. Truthfully, Olivia was a bit relieved. Not because she didn't miss Alex; she did. But she and Matt were going into a potentially dangerous situation, and neither of them could afford to be distracted.

Before Olivia left the precinct, the team went over the plan for the night. Olivia and Matt would meet at a safe house nearby the club. They would both be wearing discrete microphones, and Matt would have a small camera attached. Finn would be in the club with eyes on Matt and Olivia and also wear a mic and camera.

Outside the club, Stabler and Cragen would keep watch in a surveillance van along with the Vice Captain. Additional plain clothes officers would be placed in the vicinity for backup, and Munch would be patrolling to make sure the van wasn't made. Matt and Olivia would go by their first names, so there was no chance of saying the wrong thing and blowing cover.

#

The squad got set up in the van well before Olivia and Matt were set to arrive, or anyone else for that matter. About 30 minutes before Matt and Olivia were set to hit the club, Alex showed up at the van.

"Cabot? What are you doing here?" Stabler asked. It was clear he was not happy about Alex's presence. He and Olivia, as well as Matt, had been under the impression Alex would not be there, or seeing what was happening in the club. Stabler did not want Alex's presence to screw anything up.

"I asked her to be here," Cragen said forcefully behind him. Stabler turned to look at Cragen. "SVU is running the show tonight, and I want Alex to make sure we get everything we need by the book. If you have a problem with that..." Cragen said before Stabler cut him off.

"Not at all, Captain." Stabler said, but he was still staring at Alex.

After a few minutes of Cragen giving everyone in the van, and listening on earpieces, a rundown of the night's activities, Elliot pulled Alex aside.

"Do you really think it's a good idea for you to be here, Counselor?" he said in a quiet voice, even though he was still fuming.

"I'm just here to do my job like you, Detective." Alex was not going to be intimidated by Stabler tonight.

"Yeah, well, just remember that's what we're all doing...a job." He walked away and sat back down in front of the monitors waiting for Matt and Olivia to arrive.

#

A few minutes later, Finn walked into the club, followed shortly by Olivia and Matt. Matt walked with his hand on the small of Olivia's back. They sat at the bar, figuring they would encounter more people that way than at a private table. Matt put his arm around the back of Olivia's chair.

The bartender walked over.

"Two Johnnie Walker's, neat, with a glass of water for the lady."

The bartender nodded and returned with their drinks, and Olivia's glass of water. Matt took the water and poured just a bit in each of their drinks. He knew that when ordering their whiskey with a splash of water, Olivia liked to control how much water went in and when. Alex knew that about Olivia, too, and swallowed hard in the van as she watched on, realized that not all of this was a show. Stabler was careful to watch Alex's facial expressions while not taking his eyes away from Olivia.

Matt handed his credit card to the bartender. "Keep it open. I have a feeling it will be a long night if I'm lucky," he winked at Olivia.

Olivia leaned into Matt's ear. "Tell me, Matt, are you trying to get me drunk tonight?" She was just loud enough that the bartender and anyone nearby could overhear, but not obviously loud. She moved her hand on his knee.

"Oh, I may have a few plans up my sleeve for you tonight for you tonight, Liv. But you're going to have to be a good girl before I let you in on them," Matt said, lightly grazing the side of Olivia's breast. They knew the bartender was watching them.

Stabler could see Alex's face flushed. Alex hated hearing him call her 'Liv' and watching him touch her.

"You're doing good, guys," he said through the microphone. "The bartender is buying it, and there is a guy at the end of the bar he keeps making eye contact with. He may be our guy. Play it up a little more."

He could feel Alex's eyes burning a hole through him as soon as the words came out of his mouth.

Olivia could see the man at the end of the bar get up like he was moving their way. She positioned herself so that her knees were between Matt's legs and she was facing him. She put her hands on this thighs.

"What if I'd rather be a bad girl?" She put a lot of emphasis on the word bad, right as their potential target was walking by to grab a spot two seats away from her.

He was definitely buying what they were selling.

"Oh, that's a tough choice for me," Matt said. He looked up at their guy. "I mean, what do think? Should I make her be the good girl or the bad girl?" He was asking their target who had been watching them.

"It depends on how bad she has it in her to be?" he chimed in. They had him hooked.

Olivia turned her focus to him. "What do you think?" She winked at him.

He turned to take a sip of his drink. "I think...I think you should tell me. Both of you. I'm Jackson, by the way."

 **"Matt. And this is Olivia."**

Olivia looked away as if she was blushing.

"Oh, Olivia, baby, why are you blushing now?" Matt said. "Maybe I should tell him about that time you cuffed me to the bed post and teased me for an hour."

Jackson raised his eyebrows when he heard the word handcuffs.

"This one, she keeps two pairs of these fuzzy purple handcuffs in her top dresser drawer. I wake up one morning after we had an especially long night, and she has me cuffed to her bed posts. She then proceeds to undress me, before undressing herself in front of me. But instead of coming to daddy to play, she saunters into the bathroom, right in my sight, leaves the door open and proceeds to make me watch her shower through the glass door."

Olivia's eyes widened at Matt was talking. She wasn't expecting him to tell a real story between them. Of course, that also made it believable because her blushing was real this time.

Inside the van, Alex nearly lost it when Matt started talking about the fuzzy handcuffs and Stabler could see her clenching her fists. He put his hand on her arm to calm her.

"Alex," he said quietly. "It's just the job."

Alex sighed. She was angry. Not because of what Matt was saying, but the fact that she knew every damn word of it was true. Olivia did have two pairs of the fuzzy purple cuffs that she kept in her dresser, and she had done the exact same thing to her when they had first started dating.

Of course, Matt had no way of knowing that, and he and Olivia were still clueless to the fact that Alex was even listening in.

Jackson finally responded to Matt's story. "My, my. You do seem to have a bad streak. The two of you seem to be very much in love. I mean, she can barely keep her hands off you."

Olivia leaned into Matt and gave him a small kiss on the cheek.

"You know, if the two of you wanted some privacy, there is a corner booth that can give you that."

They just looked at him before looking at each other like they were contemplating it.

"Go on. You two deserve it. If you play well, I may know of some other things you may be interested in this weekend."

Matt got up and led Olivia back to the corner booth. There was a curtain that blocked it from view. They knew the only way to get him on the hook Saturday was to give him a reason tonight.

Back in the van, the crew was watching carefully to see what Matt and Olivia did next.

"What are they doing, Don? UCs can't have sex!"

"Relax, Alex. They're not going to have sex, he just needs to think they are," Stabler said.

"Yeah, and how does that work?"

"He can't see them, Alex. He can only hear them. Matt and Vice already know where the cameras in the place are."

Alex sighed. Great. It's bad enough hearing about your girlfriend's sex life with someone else, but now she had to hear her actually pretending to have sex.

"I've lost eyes on them," Finn said into his mic.

"It's okay; stay close. We still have Matt's feed," Stabler responded.

Matt pulled Olivia in the booth forcefully. He was trying to make a show for Jackson. He put his mouth on her neck but didn't kiss it. Of course, on the cameras in the van, it was hard to tell the difference. He pushed Olivia down into the booth seat so that he was on top of her. It also allowed him to whisper into her ear.

"He can't see us. He can only hear us. We need to give him something to keep him interested," Matt whispered so that Olivia could hear him.

Olivia nodded and began to moan as she put her hands on his back. Matt was trying his best not to press too firmly against Olivia.

"Oh, yes, Matt." Olivia kept moaning. "God, yes."

On the camera in the van, Stabler, Cragen, and Alex could see the smirk on Olivia's face. She looked like she was about to laugh.

"Do you like that, Liv? Do you want more?"

The crew in the van, minus Alex, were laughing at how cheesy Matt and Olivia looked. It was almost like a bad porno. Of course, without the visual, they were being pretty convincing.

"Please, Matt. Ahhh, yes," Olivia made the mistake of accidently pulling Matt into her while she was trying to shuffle their bodies.

When she did, she immediately felt him grow hard against her center.

"Ah, Liv...?" Matt said. He was embarrassed.

Olivia's eyes widened when she felt him. Everyone watching the monitor saw her eyes widen too, and heard Matt quickly apologize. They knew exactly what had happened.

"I'm sorry," he said very quietly so no one outside of the booth could hear, except, of course, everyone in the van.

"It's okay, Matt. It's not like it hasn't happened before," Olivia snickered before she remembered that everyone else could hear her, too. "Do you want to finish this so that we can get out of here?"

"That depends on what you mean by finishing this?" he winked at her. Olivia knew he was joking and laughed, but when Alex heard it in the van, she almost lost it.

"I've heard enough. Call me tomorrow if you have something you can actually use besides two officers acting out a cheesy porn movie," Alex said bitterly and walked out of the van.

#

Matt and Olivia finished up their show for Jackson without making things any more awkward. True to his word, he invited them to come back the following night for "something special."

Back at the safe house, Elliot went to pick Olivia up and take her home.

"How did it go from the van?" Matt asked Elliot.

"Um, well, it was fine. I mean, you all put on quite a show for us. I definitely will need a few days away from Liv after this case, but I think got your hooks in him," Elliot said and smiled at Olivia.

"Liv, I'm really sorry about earlier," Matt said quietly as Olivia was about to leave with Elliot.

"It's fine, Matt. It happens. Let's just try not to let it happen tomorrow," she punched him before leaving.

Olivia got into the car with Elliot.

"Take you home?" he asked.

"No. I want to see Alex tonight. I'm hoping she'll maybe talk to me now that she's had a couple of days to cool off."

Elliot drove quietly, debating whether or not to tell his partner that Alex had heard everything that went on tonight. He definitely didn't want to upset her knowing that she had to go back in and do this all over again tomorrow night. Of course, if he sent her up to Alex's apartment, she was probably going to find out anyway...and not in the way she would want to find out.

"Maybe you should wait until this is over, Liv."

"No, El. I need to see her. I want her to know that no matter what, she's the one I want to always come home to," Olivia explained.

Elliot pulled up in front of Alex's building and put the car in park.

"Olivia, before you go upstairs, there's something I need to tell you."

"Okay?"

"Alex was there tonight in the van; she heard everything," he said.

"What do you mean, everything?"

"Everything, Liv."

Olivia sighed. Shit.

* * *

 **A/N: Yeahhhh, Liv is going to be in some trouble tonight. I'd say it gets better, and it does eventually, but not just yet.**


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: This chapter is a little shorter. The UC ones are bit more difficult to write. Next chapter will be the final UC night and then we'll have a follow-up chapter of the aftermath before moving out of this arch.**

* * *

CHAPTER 36

Olivia came into Alex's apartment quietly. It was late, and she had no idea if Alex would still be up.

"So, did you finish up with your boyfriend?" Alex's word came out ice cold.

"I can explain, Alex," Olivia said.

"I think your only excuse is that you didn't know I was listening, did you?"

Olivia put her head down. "Alex, please, it..."

"Don't you dare tell me it's your job. I'm pretty sure nowhere in the New York City Police Officer's job description does it mention getting or giving erections to other officers."

"Come on, Alex, you know those things can't be helped sometimes."

"Sure they can...if you're not sleeping with your partner."

"Alex, you shouldn't have been there."

"I was there because it was my job to be there. You know about that, don't you? But don't worry, I sure as hell won't be there tomorrow. I can only assume the next step in this little charade is for you and Matt to consummate your new relationship...if haven't already. Sorry, but I think I'll pass up on watching while my girlfriend fucks someone else."

"Dammit, Alex! Stop it. If you want to be mad at me, fine. If you want to leave me, do it. But don't you dare question my ability to do my job professionally. Was tonight hard and awkward? Yes. I hated every minute of it. Would I do it again? I don't know right now. Would I want to do everything in my power to make sure nothing happens to anyone else like those couples who were murdered? Yes, of course. That is always going to be my answer."

"Then I guess I have mine."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that just one time, could you even for a second, consider choosing me over your job?"

Olivia was silent.

"Did you even consider how I would feel about this before you agreed to do this?"

"Alex, I told you. I had no idea Matt was the undercover."

"Fuck, Matt. This isn't about him, Olivia. This is about you and me! If it weren't Matt, it would have been someone else you were in there with, and it's not the point. The result would have been the same; you would have been putting your life on the line. For what, Olivia?"

"For the victims! For justice!"

"Yeah, and where does my life fall into the things that matter to you?" Alex turned and walked back to the bedroom, shutting the door.

Olivia sat down on the couch and sighed before she heard the bedroom door open again.

"Oh, and fuck your fuzzy purple handcuffs!" Alex shouted as the purple fuzz went flying toward Olivia. _(A/N Sidebar: I'm realizing that Alex likes to throw things. Pillows, Rolls, Handcuffs)_

#

It was morning. Olivia slept on Alex's couch again. As long as Alex wasn't kicking her out, she planned to be there every single night. Olivia got up and fixed some coffee. By the time it was ready, she heard the bedroom door open.

"Oh, you're still here." Alex walked past Olivia in the dining room and into the kitchen to get coffee.

"I'll leave if you want me to, Alex."

Alex didn't answer her. She just sipped her coffee. Truthfully, Alex didn't know what she wanted.

The awkward silence was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Alex got up and looked to see who was there.

"It's Cragen," she whispered to Olivia. Even though Alex wasn't certain where she and Olivia stood, having Olivia's boss see her at Alex's place this early in the morning could not be good for either of them. "Go to the bedroom. Hurry."

Olivia did as she was told, and went to the bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

"Don?" Alex said as she opened the door. "This is a surprise. Is everything okay?"

"Can I come in, Alex?"

"Sure. Can I get you some coffee? Please, make yourself at home."

"Coffee would be great," he said and took a seat the dining table. He smirked when he noticed there were two mugs of coffee on Alex's table.

"Do you have company, Alex?" he said and nodded toward the two mugs as she came back with his coffee.

"Oh, that. No, I, actually funny story. I was so tired this morning that I poured my coffee and went to do something. When I came back, I had forgotten about it and poured another," Alex lied. _Good grief, Cabot, is that the best you can do?_ Alex thought.

"Uh huh," he said. "Anyway, Alex, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Don, I'm sorry about last night. The undercover operation went fine, I'm just, I guess I'm just not used to ones like that."

"Thank you, Alex, but that's not why I'm here."

Alex stared at him. She was out of ideas as to why he was there.

Cragen took a deep breath. "I want to tell you a story."

She nodded for him to continue.

"When I was a young officer and was married, there were some rough years. Marge, my late wife, didn't understand my work. She didn't understand the things I needed to do sometimes, or why I needed to do them. I did a lot of things I wasn't proud of, and often I blamed it on the job. But I needed the job to keep going."

Alex wasn't sure where he was going, but she nodded for him to continue.

"Marge was a Saint, Alex. Oh, don't get me wrong. She hated me and despised my work at times, especially when I had to go undercover and do questionable things for the 'sake of the job'. It put me in compromising situations and Marge wasn't sure she was cut out to be the wife of a cop. It's not for everyone, sometimes even when you understand the work we do."

Alex continued sitting quietly.

"What I'm trying to say, Alex, is you need to figure out now if that is a life for you."

Alex gave him a surprised look.

"I don't pretend to understand what is going on. I don't want to know, and I will deny we ever had this conversation. But Alex, if it's worth it, then it's worth it...and if it's not, well, then I would suggest you figure that out before anyone jeopardizes their careers. Hypothetically speaking, of course." He smiled.

"There is a reason a lot of cops' marriages end in divorce. Trust is a huge part of that, so is fear, and it's not always easy on or fair to our partners. Only you know what is true and what is not, and what you can handle, but just remember this: at the end of the day, we're all just trying to do our jobs to the best of our abilities. Most of us are doing it for the right reasons, even if we're misguided sometimes. This SVU squad, you included, are all some of the finest people I've had the pleasure of working with."

Alex had tears forming in her eyes.

"Thanks, Don."

Cragen got up to leave. "I think it would be best if you stayed home tonight, Alex."

Alex nodded.

"Oh, and you may want to pour Olivia another cup of coffee, Alex. I think this one is cold," he nodded toward the extra mug on the table and smiled. "Don't forget, I've been a cop for longer than you've been alive." He laughed and left Alex's apartment.

On the other side of the bedroom door, Olivia was sitting with her back to the door and eyes closed. She was fighting back the tears that were forming in her eyes.


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: Super short chapter, but I wanted to get it out and separate it from the rest.**

* * *

CHAPTER 37

 _ **The Following Night.**_

 _Cragen listens from inside the van. He lost video feed long ago, but can still hear the muffled sounds inside the club._

" _Take me instead!"_

" _No! What are you doing?!"_

" _Come on, this is about me, take me!"_

" _Stop it!"_

" _BOTH OF YOU, SHUT UP!"_

" _Don't you dare touch her!"_

" _It's fine, Matt!"_

" _I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF BOTH OF YOU TONIGHT!"_

" _Drop the weapon, Jackson, we have you!_

" _NOOOOOO!"_

 _Gunshots._

" _What did you do!"_

" _Shots fired. OFFICER DOWN. I repeat. OFFICER DOWN!"_

" _No, no, no, no, no! Stay with me here!"_

 _Sobbing._

" _Come on. He has this. You need to come with me. It'll be okay."_

 _#_

At 12:30 am, Elliot knocked on Alex's door.

"Oh my God, Elliot! What happened?" Alex was almost in tears. She knew there was a shootout, but had no other details. "Where's Olivia? Is she okay?"

Elliot turned around and faced the side of the door.

"She's right here, Alex. She's fine. But she needs you tonight."

Alex swallowed hard as he pulled Olivia through the door. She was covered in blood, and her face was pretty beaten up. She also appeared to be in shock.

Alex nodded as she took Olivia.

"I'll let her fill you in later, but she needs to sleep right now," Elliot said before leaving.

Alex led Olivia to the bathroom to help her get out of her bloody clothes. Alex could see as Olivia was undressing that she wasn't seriously hurt. She was relieved. Alex handed her a part of sweats and a t-shirt.

"Do you want to take a shower?"

Olivia nodded and closed the bathroom door while Alex sat on waiting in the bedroom.

Olivia came out, freshly showered and dressed about 20 minutes later and headed for the couch.

"Liv, why don't you sleep in the bed tonight? You need to sleep."

Olivia just looked at Alex and nodded. She laid down on her side of the bed, her back facing the middle of the bed, and Alex laid next to her. She gently put her arm around her waist. Olivia didn't say a word; she just drifted off to sleep.

Alex just laid there. She had no idea what went down at the club, but she had also spent the day thinking back to her conversation with Cragen. As Olivia laid there beside her, Alex wasn't sure that she could do this forever, and she realized she probably needed to tell Olivia that sooner, rather than later.

She woke up at 5:30 am that morning and realized Olivia was gone from the bed. She got up and walked into the living room to find Olivia lying on the couch. She wasn't asleep. She was just lying there.

"Good morning," Alex said as she took a spot on the chair.

Olivia sat up, "morning."

"Do you want coffee?" Alex asked.

Olivia just nodded, and Alex got up to make them some coffee, returning a few minutes later with two cups.

"Thanks, Alex."

"Did you get him? Jackson?"

Olivia nodded.

"Olivia, we need to talk. I know this probably isn't the ideal time, but there never is one."

"Is this about what Cragen said to you?" Olivia wasn't making much eye contact with Alex.

Alex just nodded.

"Liv, I love you, but I don't know if I can do this anymore. I don't know if I'll ever be prepared for Elliot to knock on my door like he did last night and you not be there. I mean, if it's not your job, it's my job. If it's not my job, it's Matt. I just don't know how this works anymore," Alex was finally honest. She was tired of fighting for something when she wasn't sure Olivia was willing to fight back.

Olivia sat quietly.

"Are you going to say anything, Liv?"

Olivia sighed.

"Matt's dead."

Alex's mouth dropped open, and she saw the tears begin to roll from Olivia's eyes.

* * *

 **A/N 2: If you're not happy with the rest, I know some of you will be happy with the end of this chapter. We're about to find out Olivia and Matt's full backstory.**


	38. Chapter 38

CHAPTER 38

" _Matt's dead."_

 _Alex's mouth dropped open, and she saw the tears begin to roll from Olivia's eyes._

"What?! Oh, God, Liv...I didn't know." Alex moved over to where Olivia was on the couch. "I'm sorry."

"I know."

"What happened?" Alex asked. She could see Olivia was fighting back tears.

Olivia sighed.

"We don't have to talk about it now, Olivia. I'm sorry. When you're ready, we'll talk."

"No, I need to talk about it."

Alex nodded for her to continue.

"Jackson took us to a back room. He said wanted to show me something. When he moved in on me to, uh, touch me, he found my wires. I'm pretty sure he already made us for cops because he knew exactly where to look for it. Matt rushed at him, and he pulled a gun out. He smacked me and made Matt give over his weapons. While he was holding a gun on me, he pistol whipped Matt. Then he tied my hands. He kept his gun on Matt while he groped me and made Matt listen to all the things he said he was going to do to me."

"Then he stopped and told Matt to come with him. That he had a different kind of plan for him. I knew he was planning to kill him. So I begged him to take me instead."

"Olivia!"

"Alex..." Olivia warned.

"I'm sorry, continue."

"Matt said no, and both of us were yelling at each other and Jackson. We were trying to distract him with the commotion and buy some time until backup could get in."

"Jackson came back over to me and pulled my shirt down. Matt yelled again for him not to touch me and struggled to get off the ground. In the meantime, Elliot came in behind Jackson and told him to drop the gun. He wasn't budging, though, and had a look in his eye; he knew he was going to die before it was over. He pointed the gun at me, and squeezed the trigger."

"Wait, he shot at you?!"

"Yeah, but before Jackson could squeeze the trigger, Matt got up and pushed me out of the way." Tears were streaming down Olivia's face. "Elliot shot Jackson as soon as he saw what he was going to do, but it was too late."

Alex put her arms around her.

"He saved your life, Olivia."

"He took a bullet for me."

Alex sighed. She knew that no amount of talking at the moment was going to ease Olivia's guilt, so she just sat quietly, arms around Olivia and let her cry.

Alex finally convinced Olivia to go back to bed and try to sleep more. When she came back to the living room she called the only person she could talk to that she knew would understand.

"Alex? How's Olivia?" Elliot asked when he answered Alex's call.

"She told me about Matt."

"Oh. Is she okay?"

"I don't know, Elliot. She feels guilty."

"She shouldn't. Matt made a choice, and as much of a dick as he could be to everyone else, he did care about Olivia."

Alex remained quiet.

"How are you, Alex?"

"Me? I'm fine."

"No, you're not, and I wouldn't expect you to be."

"Fine," she sighed. "I don't know how I am or what I'm feeling."

"You're feeling torn because you love Olivia, but you feel betrayed. I get it. Olivia has been an idiot lately."

"It's not just that..." she said.

"I know. You're in love with her, and you worry about her constantly, and when she chooses the job over you, it makes you crazy and angry."

"How..." she started.

"I've been married a long time, Alex. Do you know how many times Kathy and I have had the exact same fight? I don't know how she stays with me, and I know that one day I'll wake up, and she won't be there...at least if the job doesn't kill me first."

He continued.

"I know you know this, and I know it may not matter at this point, but Olivia does love you. You should also know, since you weren't there, that last night's performance from Olivia, and Matt, too, was more PG-13 than R rated. I know Matt is dead, and it doesn't matter now, but they really were trying hard to do their jobs without doing more harm to your relationship."

"Thanks, Elliot. It does matter."

"I know you have the benefit of understanding our work a little more than most people. I mean, you do it for the same reasons that we do, but I also know that it's a different side, and it's not for everyone. Just make sure, if you do this, you let her down easy."

"Okay," Alex sighed and hung up the phone. It was her turn to let the tears fall down her face.

#

Olivia got up a few hours later and went into the living room where Alex was.

"You're up! Can I make you some lunch, or I have leftover bagels if you want?"

"A bagel is fine. Thanks, Alex," Olivia walked toward the dining room.

"Go sit on the couch and relax. A few crumbs in the living room won't be the end of the world," Alex smiled. "I'll be right there with your food." She returned with a bagel and orange juice for Olivia.

"How are you feeling?"

"How do you think I'm feeling?" Olivia replied with a sigh.

Alex nodded in understanding.

"Tell me about him," Alex finally said.

"What?"

"Matt. Tell me about him."

"Alex, we really don't need..."

"Olivia, I sincerely want to know. You said you would tell me about your history with Matt at some point, and I haven't asked since because, well, you know."

Olivia just looked at Alex, not saying anything.

"Olivia, Matt was important enough to you to put our relationship in jeopardy over multiple times. And you were important enough to him that he died to protect you. I would like to know what it was that made your relationship with him matter so much. And, I think I deserve to know at this point."

Olivia nodded.

"We met at the academy. It was a difficult time for both of us, because we both joined the force to balance out the negative of our lives with the positive of being able to help people. I didn't like him at first. He was kind of a dickhead, in case you didn't notice," Olivia smiled.

"Really? Never would have guessed," Alex laughed.

"Anyway, we didn't hit it off at first. We were constantly arguing and competing. One night, we all went out to a bar and we both had a bit too much to drink."

"Okay, let me stop you there. I want to hear this story, but I've heard too much of yours and Matt's sex life lately, so can you please spare me those details?" Alex asked.

Olivia laughed. "That wasn't where I was going, but yes, I'll spare you any details. So, we had too much to drink and started talking about our childhood. He had a father who physically abused him and his mother. His dad was an alcoholic, so we both bonded over that with his dad and my mom. Of course, we bonded over whiskey, but all the same."

Olivia continued.

"We became good friends, and we continued to see each other regularly after academy. Not purposely, but we hung out at the same bar. We became kind of like those friends that you don't see all the time, but you know you can count on in a crisis."

"So, my mom was staying with me temporarily after she came out of yet another rehab program. I thought if I could watch her, she could be successful this time. But it wasn't working. Matt came back to my apartment with me one night to see if he could help me convince her to go back. She had a 'friend' over who had also been drinking with her, and when we got there, we could see that he had been rough with her. As much as I hated her at times, I couldn't stand the thought of another man hurting her like my father did, so I got into a fight with him. He got the drop on me and smacked me; I fell down. Matt pulled his gun and badge on him and demanded he left. On his way out, he told us we didn't know who we were messing with, and he promised to have Matt's badge."

"He was a cop?"

"Yeah, a Captain, at that. And while he didn't file any formal complaints, probably because he knew he would also get in trouble, he did do his best to destroy Matt's career. Little things. Nothing that could connect to him, or draw attention. Anonymous complaints and grievances. Matt spent a lot of time on patrol because of that man."

"And that's why he just made detective last year?" Things were falling into place for Alex.

"Yeah. And it was my fault. There's more, though. That same night, Matt stayed over, just as a friend. In the middle of the night, we heard a thud and went out to the living room to find my mom on the floor. She had taken some pills that proved to be a bad combination with all the alcohol in her system. I was hysterical. All of my training went out the door. Matt calmed me enough to call 911 while he performed CPR on my mom until paramedics arrived. They said she probably would have died if he hadn't started CPR when he did."

"Olivia, I had no idea. I mean, I knew your mom was an alcoholic, but..."

"It's okay, Alex. I've never told anyone that story. Anyway, a couple year later..."

Alex interrupted her, "There's more?!"

Olivia nodded. "A couple years later, we had stayed close friends, who occasionally slept together. But his mom called me one day."

"You met his parents, too?" Alex laughed.

"It wasn't like that, Alex. It was easier for him to take me to family functions than some random girlfriend who would read too much into it. His mom liked me even though she knew we were just friends. His dad, on the other hand, well, he didn't like anyone."

"So, his mom calls me one day and she's crying. Matt's dad had been beating her and had raped her. She didn't want to call Matt because she was embarrassed and because she knew it would lead to a fight between Matt and his dad, and she didn't want Matt to get into any more trouble at work. When I got there, Matt's dad had been drinking, of course. I told him I was taking Beth, Matt's mom, and that he was under arrest for assault and rape. He laughed at me and told me you couldn't rape your wife, and she had it coming."

Alex rolled her eyes.

"I had fortunately called my partner at the time for backup because his dad was a big guy. He stayed outside during most of the confrontation, but listened in and called for another squad car to come. He heard everything that Matt's dad had said, basically the confession to the assault and rape. We arrested him and I took his mom to a shelter until we knew his dad would be in jail for a while."

"What did Matt say?"

"He was upset that I didn't call him, but mostly because of what his father could have done to me. But he was happy and overwhelmed that his mom was finally safe. His dad got 7 years, mostly because he had some prior assault convictions. He ended up dying in prison from cancer. Go figure."

Suddenly, Olivia's face dropped.

"What is it?"

"I have to see Matt's mom. Not today, but I need to see her."

Alex nodded, and Olivia went back to her story.

"So, that's pretty much the whole thing, minus the parts you wanted to be left out."

"Why did you two keep sleeping together? I mean, why not just date?"

"Alex, it was more complicated than that. Matt and I would not have been a good fit, and we both knew it. I can't explain it except that, while I loved Matt and he loved me, we weren't in love."

"And the sex?"

Olivia hesitated. "The sex was a way for us to cope with life. We were comfortable with each other and trusted each other. I had never trusted anyone in the bedroom as much as I trusted Matt, until you that is, even with people I actually dated. Matt was safe. Neither of us had to worry about the other being jealous, or caring if someone stayed the night, or called the next day. Our relationship was uncomplicated...until I met you."

Alex hung her head. So did Olivia. Neither of them was sure what to say to the other at this point, or if they had already said everything.

"Why didn't you tell me from the beginning, Olivia?"

"I don't know. I mean, it's pretty painful stuff, for both him and me."

Alex nodded. She understood, but she was still hurt that Olivia couldn't trust her sooner.

"Alex, I'm sorry about all of it. Matt. The undercover stuff. Not talking to you about it. Not trusting you. The, uh, handcuffs." Alex rolled her eyes at that one before Olivia continued.

"If I could do it all over again, Alex, the whole thing, this whole relationship, I would and I would do it right."

Alex shifted her eyes to the floor.

"I remember our conversation earlier this morning; what you were saying before I told you about Matt. And, I understand if you still feel that way. We can't stay together because you feel sorry for me for losing Matt."

"What are you saying, Olivia?" Alex was scared. Yes, she is the one that basically told Olivia she couldn't be in this relationship anymore, but she still wasn't prepared for the end of it.

"I'm saying that, I am going to be here, with you, in this relationship until you tell me to leave. But you have to make sure it's what you want, Alex. I don't want to continue hurting you. I can't keep doing that."

"Honestly, Liv, I don't know how I'm feeling right now."

"Then I'm going to stay right here until you figure it out...unless you want me to leave."

Alex shook her head.

"Stay."

* * *

 **A/N: So, I'm winding down this particular story point and we'll see how Alex and Olivia deal with the aftermath of this, and we'll lead up to what you all know is coming in Loss. Love the reviews and how much you all loved to hate Matt. I know the backstory isn't going to change that for some of you. You're still going to hate him, but once I planned his death, I thought this was the best moment for Alex to finally hear the full story, to give her something to chew on.**


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: Thanks again for reading and reviewing. I'm still grieving Matt's character, just because he was so controversial, but the girls are in a stronger place going forward, and will be even more by the time we get to "Loss."**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 39**

It had been just over a week since Matt died. It had been a haze for Olivia. She saw Matt's mom and reconnected with her. She attended Matt's funeral. She went in for the first session of mandatory counseling 1PP ordered. She took the week off like Cragen had asked her though it was more an order. It was Sunday night, and she wasn't feeling great, but she was ready to go back to work on Monday.

She was still staying at Alex's apartment though she wasn't entirely sure if it was because Alex wanted her there, or because she was looking out for her. She and Alex had spent a lot of time talking over the past week, but they were still at a standstill in their relationship. It was clear they both wanted it to work, but Alex still wasn't sure they could. Olivia knew she wanted to be with Alex, but for the most part, was allowing Alex to control what happened going forward. She felt guilty for how things had played out.

Alex had worked that week. It was a good distraction for her, and she was throwing herself into it. Olivia was still at her apartment, and she did want her there, but she still was uncertain just how committed to the relationship Olivia was. Olivia had been walking on eggshells around her, and Alex understood why. She was still mad, and she knew that Olivia knew that. She was encouraged Olivia hadn't retreated out of guilt, but this 'unsure of herself' Olivia wasn't much better. Alex was hanging in there and would see how things were for them when Olivia returned to work on Monday.

Olivia had cooked dinner for Alex Sunday night. She had been doing a lot of cooking in her spare time this week, and Alex appreciated the gesture, but she still wanted more from Olivia.

After dinner, they watched a movie. Alex sat on the couch while Olivia curled up in the chair.

"I'm beat, Liv. Are you ready for bed? I'm sure you have a long day ahead of you." Alex stood up and turned off the TV. It was earlier than normal for them to go to bed, but Alex was hoping they could use the extra time to reconnect in the bedroom.

"Yeah, sure, Alex. Let me just grab my pillow." Olivia got up and went to the bedroom to grab a pillow and a blanket and brought it to the couch. She had slept on the couch every night for the past week, despite the fact that Alex offered the bed every night, and the fact that Alex had a guest room.

When Olivia returned, Alex had a disgusted look on her face.

"What?" Olivia wasn't sure what she had done wrong.

"Olivia, do you know how long it's been since we've been intimate?"

Olivia thought back. "Um, a week and a half or so?"

"11 days."

"A lot has happened since then, I just thought..." Olivia started.

"Stop thinking, Olivia." Alex ran her hands through her hair and started pacing the living room. "You've sat here every night for the past week telling me how much you love me; how much you want this to work; how much you want to be here with me."

"And I am here, Alex."

"No, Olivia. You're not. Your body is here, but aside from the words you've been saying, you've made no effort to connect with me, whether it be emotionally, physically, or intimately."

"I just don't see how us having sex is going to fix this, Alex. I'm really trying here to give you the time and space you need and to show you I'm not going anywhere this time."

" ** _What I need_ ** is my girlfriend." Alex sighed. "And if you can't tell the difference between me wanting to be intimate with you and _**sex**_ , then maybe you should be sleeping on the couch...or someplace else."

Alex turned and walked off to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

Olivia dropped her pillow and blanket on the couch and stood there for a few minutes before she knocked on Alex's bedroom door.

"Come in." Alex was curled up on the bed, and Olivia could tell she had been crying.

Olivia didn't say anything, she just slid into the bed behind Alex and wrapped her arms around her.

They were still in that same position when they woke up the next morning.

#

Olivia returned to work the following day. Elliot was spending most of the week in court, so Cragen had partnered her up with Fin when they got a call that afternoon.

Out in the field, Olivia was starting to feel like herself again. At least here, she could mostly control what how she was feeling. That night, she called Alex to tell her she would pick up dinner for them. She showed up with flowers, as well as their dinner, and gave a long kiss to Alex for the first time in 12 days.

"This is a nice surprise." Alex smiled.

"You said I should talk less, think less, and do more. So I'm trying to _**show**_ you how much I love you."

After dinner, Olivia led Alex to the bedroom, and the two of them made love. Alex could tell Olivia was still be careful and slow, and mostly taking Alex's lead, but, at least, Olivia was trying. Alex just hoped she could keep it up because Olivia was right about one thing - it was going to take more than sex to fix their broken relationship. But tonight was a start.


	40. Chapter 40

CHAPTER 40

The following few weeks, Olivia had been partnered with Fin more than normal, as Elliot was either in court or consulting with some other departments on cases. It was a nice change of pace for the squad.

This particular week, Olivia and Fin had spent most of their time tracking down leads on a case involved a child killer, interviewing witnesses, and interrogating suspects and persons of interest. Fin had noticed Olivia seemed to be overcompensating. Granted, he liked seeing the confident Benson back, but he was beginning to worry if she was too focused on the job at hand. Of course, Fin being Fin, decided to not say anything unless he needed to say something. He figured, like him, Olivia liked to work things out on her own, and he would let her.

On the home front, things were getting better with Olivia and Alex. Alex was feeling better about Olivia's commitment to their relationship as Olivia had been at her apartment every night. She was talking to her about the cases, how she was feeling, and was putting in real effort to making Alex feel loved. However, like Fin, she also saw that Olivia was overcompensating at work. Alex assumed it was her guilt over Matt being killed and Olivia not being able to do anything about it, and Alex understood, even though it wasn't something she had experienced. But when she asked Olivia about it, Olivia opened up to her about how she was feeling. The communication between them had never been better and Alex finally felt like a priority in Olivia's life.

#

Olivia and Fin had a break in their case and were instructed to go to a suspect's home to pick him up. When they got there, upon seeing Fin and Olivia, the suspect fled on foot and the two of them pursued him up on the roof.

"Liv! I'm calling for backup. Let him go, just keep watch. We'll get the building surrounded." Fin was yelling to Olivia, who was closer to the suspect that he was.

Just then the suspect jumped down on a fire escape near an open window. Olivia caught a glimpse of kids playing by the window as the man climbed in.

"Liv! We'll send SWAT into the building. Don't go in there!"

"I can't do that Fin! There are kids in there. We know what he's capable of doing to kids!" Olivia was already climbing down the fire escape after him.

Fin knew it was true. They may not have the time to wait on SWAT, but he also didn't want Olivia going in there alone.

"Hold on, I'll be right there!" Fin yelled.

"I can't. Just get back up here ASAP!" With that, Olivia made it to the fire escape and climbed in the window. As soon as she did, she felt a punch in the face. She fell to the floor, but was able to grab her gun and pull it on the suspect. He tried to run, but Olivia was able to run after him and get a good hit in on him, knocking him to the floor where she was able to cuff him.

She stayed with her gun drawn on him, while she instructed the kids in the apartment to run out and call 911 at a neighbors. Fin and the rest of her backup came in soon after.

"Well, looks like badass Benson is back," Fin smiled.

Olivia smirked as she picked up their suspect and gave him to the patrol officers for booking.

Outside the building, Olivia was attempting to get the paramedics to leave her alone.

"Hey," Fin called out to one of them. "I got her. I'll make sure she gets checked out and to the hospital if there are any problems."

The paramedic nodded.

They sat on the steps of the apartment building.

"Thanks, Fin. For that, and for having my back today."

"Always, Olivia," he paused. "Hey, you did good in there today. We got a kid killer off the streets."

"We did."

"But, I have to say, and I mean this with love, but you are an idiot, Olivia Benson."

Olivia gave him a confused and shocked face.

"Listen, I know you're just doing your job, but over the past six or so months, you've been taking a lot of risks."

Olivia looked at him like she didn't like where this was going.

"Look, I get it. You've been a cop a long time. You're good at it, and you're passionate about what we do. We see some of the worst of the worst in SVU. But this job, it's always going to be here. There will always be another perp no matter how many we take off the streets."

"Yes, and that's why we keep doing our job." Olivia still wasn't sure where he was going.

"Liv, you've been a single cop a long time. No family. It's a great life for a while. Hell, I'm a single cop, but I've also got an ex-wife and a strained relationship with my son to show for it. There are some things that are more important than this job. At some point, you have to decide if going that extra step, of chasing that perp without backup, of going on especially dangerous undercover missions, is worth it. Sure, sometimes you get to play the hero, but at what cost?"

"Okay, Fin, I hear what you're saying, I'm just not sure why," Olivia said. She knew why he should be saying it, but she didn't know if he knew why.

"You're gonna make me say it?" He paused. "Let me put it this way, I think you need to go talk to our ADA about your heroics today before she reads it in the report later."

Olivia snapped her head around. _Dammit, how many people knew about her and Alex?_

"I know. We all know. Come on, Liv. We see the looks, the sideways glances, the icy stares that you'd only get from someone you're extremely, uh, close with. Frankly, I thought if anyone got killed during your UC mission, it was going to Cabot killing you. That was brutal, Liv. I don't know how she did it."

"So, everyone knows, even Munch?"

"Unofficially, yes. We've known for a while. Was it the Plummer case?"

Olivia's eyes got really wide at that point.

"I'll take that as a yes. Don't worry, Liv. We're all family in SVU. We got your back. Just don't take her for granted, Olivia. She may not always be there."

"Don't I know it."

"She stuck with you through this whole Matt thing. That says something. And you didn't run away like you normally do."

Olivia laughed at him. For someone that wasn't her partner, he certainly knew her pretty well.

"Now, go see her. Figure this shit out, and remember that it's not just your life on the line anymore. If something were to happen to you, it would devastate her. She's not a cop like us. It's part of the job for us. Everyone else, girlfriends, husbands, whatever, they didn't sign up for this. We did."

Olivia got up, took Fin's hand and squeezed it. "Thank you, Fin."

#

Olivia left Fin and went straight to Alex's office. She called Alex's assistant on the way there to make sure she wasn't in court.

She knocked on Alex's door.

"Come in," Alex said.

Olivia walked in and closed and locked the door behind her.

"Liv, to what do I owe this surprise visit? Also, what the hell happened to your face?" Alex reached out for the bandaged cut on Olivia's eye and swollen cheek.

"This," Olivia put took Alex's hand and put it on her injury. "This is my reminder that I love you more than anything; including my job."

Alex had a very surprised look on her face.

"What happened? What did you do, Olivia?"

"You'll be getting a report. All you need to know right now is that it's fine, and our child killer is in jail. Everything else, I'll tell you tonight."

"I think I'd rather hear now," Alex said in a worried tone.

"I forgot that my life isn't the only one on the line when I go out in the field. We got the guy, but I should have waited for backup. He punched me when I came in a window, and knowing this guy, I should only be so lucky he didn't shoot me."

"Olivia!"

"I know, I know. It was stupid and while I can't promise that it won't ever happen again, I can promise that I will start making better decisions. And I promise that from now on, _**you**_ are my priority. You're my family, Alex. You're my reason for coming home at night. Yes, I do it for justice and the victims, but without you, Alex, none of it makes sense."

"Wow, all that from a punch to the face?" Alex teased.

"Well, that and a lecture from Fin," Olivia said. Alex gave her a worried and confused look. "Don't worry about it. I'll tell you about that tonight, too."

Olivia moved and took Alex in her arms. Alex was near tears. Olivia leaned in and gently kissed her lips.

"Move in with me, Alex."

"What?"

"Move in with me. I want us to move forward, and I want us to live together."

"Well, considering you practically live at my place..."

Olivia kissed her again.

"I don't care where we live, Alex. I just want to wake up next to you every morning and go to bed with you every night. And I know we already do that, but I want it to be official. I want to stop at the store to pick up the milk and the bread for us. I want to fight over who's stuff goes where. I don't want there to be yours and mine. I want it to be us and ours."

"Yes," Alex kissed Olivia. "And as my mom would say, 'it's about damn time,' Olivia Benson."

Olivia leaned in and kissed Alex again, longer this time. Alex pulled away, looking over Olivia's shoulders to make sure the blinds were closed.

"They're closed, and the door is locked," Olivia grinned.


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N: We deserve some fluff. Enjoy now, because you know what's coming.**

* * *

 **CHAPTER 41**

It was Saturday morning, and Olivia was lying in Alex's bed with a huge smile on her face. She rolled over to face Alex, propping herself up on her elbow.

"What?" Alex said when she noticed Olivia smiling at her.

"I love you," Olivia said.

"Phew, that's good. And here I thought you just asked anybody to move in with you," Alex quipped.

"Not a chance." Olivia leaned in and kissed Alex. "I still can't believe this is happening."

"Well, Liv, you do have about three months to change your mind before my lease is up," Alex said.

"Like I said, Counselor, not a chance." Olivia kissed Alex again. "Are you sure you want to move into my place, though? I mean we have been spending most of our time here."

"I am. It's closer to work for both of us, and I like it there. It's cozier," Alex said.

"You mean smaller," Olivia laughed.

"Think of it this way - it'll just force me to get rid of some of my shoes and clothes."

"Some? Alex, I think we could open a clothing store on 5th Avenue with what you'll need to get rid of to make it fit," Olivia joked, and Alex smacked her on the arm.

"I don't see you complaining about those skirts when I wear them around the office," Alex teased.

"Yeah, but I still prefer them when I'm taking them off you," Olivia winked. "You know, you could get rid of all of your clothes and save me a little time for when we get home."

"Oh, but then I wouldn't get to tease you at work and make you wonder what underwear I have on underneath...or if I have on any at all."

"You, Alex Cabot, will be the death of me. Now, why don't we get up and start cleaning out those closets of yours? I have a feeling we'll need every bit of the three months."

Before Olivia could move to get up, she was hit across the face with a pillow.

"Should I be concerned about my dishes, Alex, because I've noticed you like to throw things," Olivia laughed, right before she was hit in the face with another pillow.

#

Two hours later Olivia was carrying yet another box in the living room from the closet in the guest room.

"Geez, Alex, how many boxes of stuff do you have?"

"Well, if that is the last one from the closet in there, then we should only have my storage shed left," Alex stated.

Olivia's eyes widened. "Wait, you have a storage shed?!"

Alex was grinning from ear to ear. "You're too easy, Olivia."

"Well, only when it comes to blonde ADAs that work for the SVU," Olivia said.

"Well, I sure hope your next one isn't a blonde then," Alex said.

"Our next one? Is there something I don't know, Alex?"

"Well, seeing as how we're moving in together and it will be even harder for us to keep our relationship a secret, I've been planning to ask Branch for a transfer."

"Oh." Olivia knew that one of them would have to transfer, but it didn't mean she was ready for it to happen.

"Are you sure, Alex?"

"Olivia, you are the heart and soul of everything that SVU stands for; I would never ask you to give that up. I mean, as much as I love the squad and working in SVU, we both knew this would have to happen."

"I know. Thank you, Alex. But for what it's worth, I would give up SVU for you."

"I know that you would, Liv. But I would never let you." Alex gave a long kiss to Olivia.

Olivia opened the box in front of her and pulled out a picture album.

"Oh, wow. What do we have here?" Olivia had an amused look on her face. "Is this Alex Cabot's prom photos?"

Alex looked up.

"Give me that!" Alex said and tried to grab the album from Olivia.

"Oh, no, no, no," Olivia teased. "We are going to go through each and every one of these photos."

"Fine, Liv. Just remember, your place is getting cleaned out tomorrow. And I _**will**_ find all of your embarrassing photos." Alex tilted her head down and eyed Olivia over the top of her glasses.

"How do you know I've not hidden them somewhere you can't find them?"

"Because I sleep with a super sexy detective, and she's taught me a thing or two," Alex whispered in Olivia's ear.

"Is that right?" Olivia asked, moving in closer to Alex. "Like what?"

Alex took Olivia's hands while she was distracted by their conversation.

 _Click._ _Click._

"Like where to find her handcuffs," Alex snapped the cuffs closed, grabbed the photo album in question, and got up.

"Oh, come on! You play dirty, Alex!"

"Where do you think I learned it?" Alex winked and walked out of the room with the photo album.

#

Alex and Olivia had spent all day Saturday sorting Alex's stuff into keep, donate, and trash piles; they were exhausted.

Alex woke from the nap they had taken to find her bed empty, but a delicious smell was coming from the kitchen. She got up and walked in there to see what Olivia was up to.

"There is my Sleeping Beauty." Olivia walked over and kissed Alex on the cheek.

"Oh, I see how it is. I agree to move in with you, and I suddenly become Sleeping Beauty instead of the Ice Princess. If I knew that's all it took, I would have moved in with you a long time ago."

"For the record, I did not come up with or have I ever use that name for you," Olivia protested.

"Oh, so it's all the guys, huh?"

"Yep. All them."

"Yeah, I've heard you utter a few choice _**other**_ names for me under your breath a time or two."

"Well, maybe once or twice," Olivia smirked.

"So, dinner is almost done, if you'll pour us some wine."

Alex and Olivia sat down to eat dinner.

"This is wonderful, Liv. Are you sure you don't want to quit your job and just become my personal chef?"

"Hmm, I'm not sure you could afford me, Alex."

"Well, I'm sure I could work out _**other**_ payment arrangements with you," Alex teased. "So, what's for dessert?"

"Well..." Olivia put her hand up to the side of Alex's face, but before she could say anything else, Alex cut her off.

"Just for the record, Olivia, when I said dessert..." Alex was speaking slowly and leaning in closely to Olivia. She could see Olivia's face getting flushed. "...I mean actual dessert."

Olivia's face fell from excitement to disappointment, and she rolled her eyes. She got up and walked to the kitchen.

"Anything for the Princess."


	42. Chapter 42

A/N: A little fluff, and a little serious. I'm trying to tie up a few things before we finish this out. Thank you all so much for following along and for the reviews. They are helpful and keep me motivated to keep going.

* * *

CHAPTER 42

That same night, after their dessert, Alex and Olivia went to get ready for bed. Alex had been teasing and getting the best of Olivia all day, so Olivia thought it would be fun to turn the tables on Alex. When Alex went into the bathroom to get ready for bed, Olivia snuck back out to the living room where they had been sorting earlier that day and picked up a couple of things.

She returned to the bedroom to see Alex in a tank top and pair of shorts. Alex was busy fluffing the pillows and straightening the sheets and blanket for the bed they were getting ready to get into. It always made Olivia laugh when Alex insisted on making sure the bed was not just made, but perfectly made before they go into it. She leaned smiling against the doorframe and watched Alex do her thing, certain that while she was the biggest idiot in the world, she was also the luckiest person in the world because she got to share her life with Alex.

Their sex life recently had been great. They were like two high school kids, minus the fact that they actually knew what they were doing. They had almost always had a good sex life, but lately, they had been re-exploring each other in ways they had early in their relationship and reconnecting emotionally in ways that had been missing for a while.

"You know, if you keep staring at me, I could have you arrested?" Alex laughed. She hadn't even looked up, but she knew Olivia was watching her.

"It's funny you mention that, Counselor because I had similar plans in store for you tonight," Olivia grinned. When Alex finally looked up, she saw Olivia dangling her metal handcuffs from her finger and a big smirk on her face.

Alex turned back around to what she was doing. She knew ignoring Olivia just a bit would turn her on even more. "Yeah, good luck with that, Detective."

Olivia slowly walked toward Alex, tucking her handcuffs in the back of her pants. She came up behind Alex, who was sure to keep her hands in front of her. Olivia put her hands on Alex's shoulders and then moved them down to her upper arms while she began kissing the back of Alex's neck. Alex let out a gentle moan. She wondered what Olivia had done with the cuffs since they weren't in her hands anymore.

Still standing behind Alex, Olivia kept kissing Alex's neck and moving her hands up and down Alex's arms. She worked her way up to Alex's ear and nibbled on it just a bit as Alex tilted her head back and her body began to squirm just a bit. Olivia knew she had Alex just about where she wanted her. She moved her kisses back down Alex's neck and onto her collarbone. Alex let out another moan, and Olivia knew she was close to ready as she took her left hand and slid it up underneath Alex's top to touch her breast. Alex's nipples were hard, and sure enough, she had forgotten all about the handcuffs, just the way Olivia had planned.

While Olivia's left hand was caressing Alex's breast, she reached behind her with her right hand and pulled the handcuffs out.

 _Click._

Before Alex realized what had happened, Olivia gotten Alex's right wrist into the cuffs and somehow moved her just close enough to the bed that with a little shift, she easily locked the other side to the bedpost. She gently pushed Alex onto the bed.

"How? What?" Those were the only words Alex could get out. "Now who's playing dirty?"

"Well, I guess that sexy detective you're sleeping with didn't teach you all of her tricks?" Olivia grinned and moved on top of Alex. She leaned down and began kissing her, just enough to get Alex worked back up. It didn't take much since Alex was already enough herself before she was handcuffed to the bedpost.

Suddenly, Olivia jumped up. "Oh, I forgot something!"

"Olivia! Where are you going?" Alex was about to kill Olivia for teasing her.

Olivia walked to the dresser where she had sat something when he came in the room. "It's not much fun, is it Alex?" Olivia laughed as she grabbed the item and returned to the bed.

"You probably should have hidden these some place better," Olivia said, waving the photo album from earlier around.

"Oh, you are evil," Alex said. Olivia just smirked.

"I've been called worse, probably even by you," Olivia began flipping through the photos. "Oh, what is going on with your hair in this one?" She flipped the album around for Alex to see. "And, I'm not really sure I like the way that boy is grinning at you. I bet he was so sure he was going to get lucky that night."

Alex snorted. "He didn't."

"Oh, but I bet he tried," Olivia laughed as she kept flipping through.

"He did, but I think even a detailed roadmap wouldn't have done him any good." Alex rolled her eyes thinking about how he fumbled about everything. Based on his senseless groping in all the wrong places, she was certain he must have slept through sex education class.

"Well, not all of us can be experts on Alex Cabot's body," Olivia grinned and tossed the photo album at the foot of the bed and moved back to lying on top of Alex.

"I was hoping we could keep these on for a bit," Olivia said motioning to the handcuffs with a smirk on her face. "I mean, they're not as comfy as the fuzzy purple ones, so I understand if you don't..." Olivia didn't get a chance to finish her sentence before she saw Alex's face change from a horny smiled to sadness with a hint of anger. It only took Olivia about .2 seconds to remember why.

"Oh, Alex, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking about..." Olivia didn't finish her sentence because they both knew what she was going to say anyway.

"It's fine, Liv. Just uncuff me," Alex said. She didn't sound angry, just sad.

Olivia got up to grab her key. She couldn't believe how stupid she had been. They hadn't used handcuffs in the bedroom since Alex threw the other pairs at her head that night. Of course, it wasn't an every night kind of item either, so it's not like it had even had a chance to come up since then.

Olivia uncuffed Alex and put her handcuffs away. She hesitated before coming back over to the bed until Alex patted on the spot beside her. Olivia did as Alex wanted and got in the bed, rolling on her side so she could face Alex.

"I'm sorry that I screwed up a perfect day," Olivia said.

"No, don't be. I mean, this was bound to come up sooner or later, so maybe we can talk about it now," Alex said calmly.

"It was a stupid thing to do, I'm sorry." As Olivia said these words, Alex knew she was referring to use the same move on Alex that she had used on Matt, and who knows how many other people for that matter.

"It was, but we've all done similar things with partners in the bedroom." Alex was trying to be understanding.

"Yeah, but we don't all have to hear the other person talk about it," Olivia quipped.

"That's true. And I won't lie to you and tell you that it wasn't painful and hurtful at the time."

"And now?"

Alex sighed. She didn't answer right away, so Olivia spoke up again.

"Listen, Alex, this is no excuse, but it was early in our relationship. I was nervous because you were the first, well, and still, only, woman I had ever been with and I wasn't even sure at the time how serious we would end up being." Olivia paused to study Alex's face. She couldn't read it. "Regardless of whether or not you were in the van that night or not, I certainly didn't want all the guys to know about what I do in the privacy of my bedroom. I thought I was going to kill Matt."

Olivia suddenly froze at what she had just said and remembered Matt was now dead because of that operation.

Alex heard Olivia say the words and saw the horrified look on her face upon realization of what she just said. She leaned over and took Olivia in her arms.

"Olivia, don't go there. You know those words were just a saying. And trust me, if anyone was going to kill Matt over that, they would have to have lined up behind me." She was attempting to make a joke and lighten the mood a little bit. Olivia smiled.

Alex had been hurt by Matt's confession that Olivia had used the same move on both of them. It stung, but she also knew that it was early in their relationship, and neither of them had any idea where it was going. Alex also had to acknowledge to herself that as much as it had hurt at the time, she had made the decision at some point since then to let it go. She couldn't get hung up on mistakes Olivia had made, and vice versa, if they were indeed moving forward. She had chosen to forgive Olivia for it, and she had to follow through on that.

Olivia just laid there in silence.

"You miss him, don't you?"

Olivia was afraid to answer that question for fear it was a trick question.

"Olivia, it's okay if you do. You lost a friend, and while I may not have understood or approved of it, you still cared about it, and it's okay to grieve over him. And, as your girlfriend, I want to help you through that and support you."

"Alex, I love you, and I don't deserve you, but I promise, I am going to spend the rest of my life trying to be someone who does deserve you."

Alex smiled and leaned in and kissed Olivia. They laid like that for a long time until Alex finally rolled on top of Olivia. She leaned down to kiss her.

"I think I'm ready for more dessert now if you are." Alex had a sincere and hopeful look that she had not misplaced her timing.

Olivia smiled and pulled Alex back into her kiss.


	43. Chapter 43

CHAPTER 43

Alex was rushing around Olivia's apartment trying to get ready for work. She had changed clothes three times already and was on her fourth pair of shoes.

"Alex, calm down, it's not that big of deal to ask for a transfer, is it?" For Alex, it was it a big deal. She was set to move in with Olivia in just over a month and today was the day that she was going to put in for her transfer from SVU with Arthur Branch, the District Attorney. She didn't want to do it too far out, but she figured a little over 30 days would give them time to process a transfer. She didn't plan on telling Branch about her relationship with Olivia, at least until a couple of months after the transfer. She knew they would already be in hot water for not disclosing it from the beginning.

"Yes, Olivia. It IS a big deal. I mean, our future ride on this. What if he says no?"

"Alex, you've been in SVU longer than you even planned. You've done a great job, exceeded his expectations even, and it's reasonable to expect that you would want to move on. He's not going to question it."

"I know. It's just we've worked so hard to get here that I don't want anything, even the DA, to stand in the way of our future." Alex sighed and finally stopped pacing around the apartment.

"And nothing will, Alex." Olivia got up and put her arms around her girlfriend, placing a kiss on her forehead. "No matter what, this will work. Even if I have to be the one to leave SVU."

Of course, they had discussed all possible outcomes, time and time again, and each time, it made sense that Olivia would be the one to stay. Alex was just nervous. They had so many struggles early in their relationship that she had just come to expect and fear the worst.

"Olivia, we've talked about this," Alex reminded Olivia.

"Yes, we have. And each time I have told you that if it comes down to it, I will give up anything, even SVU, to be with you, Alex. I love you. You make me happier than any job ever could." Olivia finally released Alex, giving her one last kiss.

#

When Alex arrived at her office, she noticed someone sitting on her couch when she came inside.

"Arthur. To what do I owe the pleasure." Arthur Branch never came to her office. She always went to him. It made her nervous that he was in her office on the very day she planned to see him.

"Alexandra. Have a seat." Alex found it funny that he was telling her when to sit in her own office. "I understand you wanted to see me today."

Alex had mentioned it to his secretary the day before, just to inquired of his schedule, but had made no specific arrangements to meet with him. "Well, yes, sir, I did, but I could have come to your office."

Branch waved his hand, indicating to her it didn't matter. He was here now.

"Well, I've decided I would like to put in a transfer from SVU." Alex just said it matter of factly. She didn't want to beat around the bush. She figured the more confident she sounded with him, the better.

Branch just looked at her for a moment before speaking, as he often did.

"This doesn't have anything to do with a certain brunette SVU Detective, does it?"

Alex's mouth dropped open. How could Branch possibly know about Olivia? She was speechless, so he decided to continue.

"Listen, Alexandra. Give me a little credit. I mean, maybe I'm wrong, but I suspect this has to do more with Olivia Benson than you actually wanting to leave SVU."

Alex still couldn't speak.

"The fact that Alexandra Cabot is speechless tells me I must be onto something," he continued. Alex just hung her head. There was no use denying it.

"Arthur, I can explain." Alex felt guilty and wanted to own up to him, but before she could say anything else, he cut her off.

"I'd rather you not, Alex. Officially, this conversation right now never happened, because if it did, both you and Detective Benson would be in a lot of trouble; never mind the possibility of defense attorneys having a hay-day throwing around accusations that a detective and an ADA conspired against their clients."

"That would never happen!" Alex protested.

"I know that. But it doesn't matter what I think. It only matters what a judge would think, and trust me; you don't want to open that pandora's box."

Alex just nodded.

"I will get your transfer in motion, but it may not happen right away. SVU isn't just for anyone, Alex."

"Thank you, sir."

"Don't thank me just yet. I also understand that you've decided not to renew your lease on your apartment."

"How?" Arthur raised his hand again. It didn't matter how he knew. He did.

"It may take longer than a month to get you a replacement in here."

"What are you saying, Arthur?"

"I'm saying, you and Detective Benson may want to cool it for a while. I don't give a damn what you do in your bedroom, Alex. I only care about how it impacts the integrity of the DA's office. You have a bright career in front of you; you both do. Don't do anything to jeopardize it because I guarantee, f I've heard the rumors, all of your colleagues in the DA's office and beyond have heard them, too."

Alex just sighed, realizing the severity of what was ahead of them. Arthur got up to leave.

"Just hang in there a little longer, Alex." Arthur gave her a half smiled and walked out the door, leaving Alex to lean back in her chair and figure out what she was going to tell Olivia.

#

"So, Branch already knew?" Olivia asked that night while they ate dinner. "How?"

"Beats me. I mean, all of SVU apparently knows." Alex rolled her yes just a bit and Olivia didn't like what she was implying.

"Alex, you know it didn't come from my squad. It would bring just as much trouble for them as for us." Olivia was beginning to get defensive.

"I know that, Liv. What I was trying to say is we haven't told anyone, aside from my family. Elliot, Cragen, Munch, Fin, they all figured it out on their own. We obviously haven't been as careful as we should have been."

Olivia sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry, Alex that you're having to deal with this."

"Well, I'd like to think of it as 'we're having to deal with this'; it could affect you, too."

"You're right. So, what did Branch say? What are we supposed to do?"

"Well, he thinks we need to 'cool it' for a while. He mentioned my apartment. As much as I hate to admit it, I may need to extend my lease another month until they can find another replacement."

"Okay." Olivia wasn't sure where Alex was going.

"I think, even though he didn't say it, that we should probably put the moving in together on hold until the transfer is done."

"Oh, okay."

"You're okay with this, Liv?"

"Of course, Alex. Our jobs are important to us, and while I like to think our relationship is a higher priority, what we do is still part of who we are. Listen, Alex, we've been through too much to think that an extra month apart is going to be what makes us or breaks us."

"You're right, Liv. And I love that you are so understanding. Of course, just because we won't be officially living together, doesn't mean we can't still have sleepovers," Alex teased.


	44. Chapter 44

A/N: Yes, we're to "that" episode. A lot of you have made it very clear what you want (or don't want) to happen here, and while I'm not going to give away my plan, just trust the story. I love Alex and Olivia, so they will be together. It just may get bumpy from here on out.

Also, thanks for the reviews. I really do look forward to hearing what you love (or hate) about it. I've tried to show a normal(ish) adult relationship that has grown and matured over the years.

* * *

CHAPTER 44

"Dead girl in an alley. Let's go, Liv." Elliot hung up the phone and grabbed his jacket as Olivia arrived in the squad room.

"Well, that's the first words every woman wants to hear in the morning." She didn't even finish walking to her desk. She just turned and followed Elliot out of the precinct.

They arrived on scene to find Livia Taiz, dressed in nothing but a fur coat, dead in an alley.

"High-priced call girl?" Elliot asked after Medical Examiner Melinda Warner filled them in on time and cause of death.

"I'm guessing whatever she was, she said something she shouldn't have?" Melinda stood up next to them and Olivia and Elliot gave her a confused look. "Guy cut out her tongue."

Over the course of the day, Olivia and Elliot's investigation quickly made a turn from a standard "hooker in an alley" case when they discovered that whoever Livia Taiz was, she didn't exist before the year 2001. Upon searching a storage locker she kept, they learned why: she was a NYPD officer named Livia Sandoval.

As they stood there trying to piece together what was going on, two federal agents with DEA showed up at the door.

"Detectives, we need to talk."

#

Agent Hammond and Agent Donovan filled Olivia, Elliot, and Cragen in with vague details about what Livia Sandoval had been doing. She was on loan from the NYPD to go undercover on a DEA case. When Cragen insisted they would not drop this case because an NYPD officer had been raped and murdered, the DEA agreed not to interfere, but not to help either. SVU just had to agree to investigate the death of Livia Taiz, a hooker dating a drug dealer.

"Nothing written about Livia's true identity or the DEA," Donovan said as he stood to leave. "And not a word of this to your ADA."

Elliot glanced at Olivia, and everyone nodded in agreement.

#

"Any leads on your case from this morning?" Alex asked Olivia while they were eating dinner. They had decided to stay at Alex's place that particular night.

Olivia sat quietly for a moment. She hated keeping this from Alex, but this wasn't her decision. She also knew they had to be especially careful right now, as Branch had warned, at least until Alex could be transferred out of SVU.

"Not too much. Dead hooker cases don't usually give us too much to go on," Olivia lied. She told herself it wasn't that much of lie, though. They really didn't have many leads as the DEA hadn't been particularly forthcoming with information. They were on their own for this case.

Alex noticed how quiet Olivia was being, but decided to let it go. They were all allowed to have bad days, after all.

"Okay, well, is there anything you all need from me to help along the way? Warrants?"

"No, Alex. Not yet." Olivia had finished her dinner and got up to clear her plate, even though she didn't eat much of it. "Do you want to watch a movie tonight, Alex?" Olivia figured if they watched a movie, they wouldn't have to talk, and the less they talked, the less guilty she would feel about keeping this from Alex.

Of course, it wasn't just keeping their victim's true identity from Alex that was bothering her, it was the fact that a young NYPD officer had been brutally raped and murdered while doing her job. Olivia knew the dangers of what they did, but seeing a fallen officer always had a sobering effect on any high they got from their work.

"I'm not really in the mood for a movie. Besides, you always fall asleep on the couch before it's over and I don't get to spend any quality time in bed with you," Alex teased before getting up to clear her own plate.

Olivia smiled. "Yeah, you're right. Come to think of it, I am pretty tired right now. Would you mind if I went back to my place tonight?"

Alex gave her a confused look, and Olivia felt the need to come up with an excuse.

"I mean, we're supposed to be being careful, right? And even though we still have two apartments, nothing much has changed in our behavior. We're still essentially living together." Olivia kept talking because she knew Alex wasn't buying any of it. She was nervous. "I just don't want you to get into anymore trouble with Branch."

"Olivia! I'm not in any trouble with Branch. Trust me, if I had gotten in trouble with him, there would have been a much bigger impact." Alex studied her girlfriend. Olivia was right, Alex didn't believe a word she was saying. "What's really going on? You've been quiet all night."

"It's nothing, Alex."

"It doesn't seem like nothing. Is it work? Did something happen? Oh god, you're not having to go undercover, are you?" Olivia didn't particularly like Alex's tone at the end of that sentence. It came out a bit more bitter than concerned.

"No! None of that, Alex. And if I were to be going undercover, it would only be because it's my job to do it. My job is dangerous at times, you know that." Olivia's voice was rising the more they talked.

"I know that, Olivia. But we also agreed that you would tell me what you could tell me if anything like that came up again."

"It's not work, Alex. I'm just stressed over this case," Olivia finally said.

"The dead hooker case? Really, Liv?"

"So, what, a hooker being raped and murdered isn't important enough to care about now, Alex?"

"That's not what I said or what I meant, Liv, and you know that, so take your accusations elsewhere." Alex was not going to back down from this fight. Things had been really peaceful between them for a while. Sure, they'd had little spats here and there, but it was minor stuff. She wasn't sure where all of this was coming from in Olivia.

"I know, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"Here, come sit down by me, please." Alex sat on the couch and patted the spot next to her. "If you want to go home tonight, that's fine, Liv. But talk to me."

Olivia did sit down. "Alex, there's really nothing to talk about. I had a bad day and I just want to relax." Both their voices were calm and understanding now. The anger was gone.

"Liv, you're not worried about us moving in together, right? Because if you're getting cold feet..." Olivia stopped her before she could finish. She leaned in and kissed Alex.

"No, Alex. I am not worried about that. This...us...this is the one thing in my life I don't worry about. You ground me, Alex, and give me a reason to keep going. And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you."

Everything she said was true. She didn't worry about their relationship. It was strong. Sure, she was frustrated they couldn't be out and open about their relationship yet, but she never had any doubts in Alex. In fact, it was the reason she spent last weekend ring shopping. Even if they couldn't get married in New York, yet. She wanted Alex to know just how committed she was to their relationship. As soon as the transfer came through, she planned to ask Alex to marry her.


	45. Chapter 45

CHAPTER 45

" _We've received a credible threat."_

" _The threat was made against you, Ms. Cabot."_

Olivia was certain those were the most devastating words she had heard in her entire life so far. Finding out she was a product of rape? Learning her mother died? None of that shook her as much as hearing that the woman she loved's life was in real danger. Even more unsettling was the fact that the body count around Cesar Velez kept building, and Olivia knew Velez was not a man who made empty threats.

As they sat in a room waiting on Donovan to come back in and share the details, her mind kept wandering back to the fight she had with Alex the night before.

" _Alex, I'm begging you. For you, for us, please drop this case." Olivia was pacing the living room in Alex's near-empty apartment. They had almost finished packing everything to move into Olivia's place._

 _Alex stood with her hands on her hips staring at her lover. "Olivia! You know I can't do that."_

" _Yes, you can!" Olivia was still pacing, arms flaring._

" _Why, because that's what you would do?" Alex shot back. Olivia was silent. The cold stare that Alex gave told her that there was no way Alex was going to back down. She knew she didn't have any ground to attempt even to argue and that she had been "lawyered." Drawbacks of dating an attorney._

" _That's what I thought." Alex spun around and walked to the bedroom._

Right now, at this moment, Olivia wished she had not given in. That she had fought tooth and nail with Alex for as long as it took. Of course, last night, there had been not a threat against the woman she loved; today, there was, and Olivia's world was suddenly spinning.

Donovan left Olivia and Elliot alone with Alex at Alex's insistence that she wanted to go home right then. He wanted to start getting security in place for Alex and her parents.

"Alex, maybe you should come back to my place until the Marshal's can get the security set up."

"No, Olivia. I want to go home. My home. Besides, if they are watching me, and you know they are, I don't want them to know where you live, too. It's bad enough they know where my parents live."

"She's right, Liv. So far, we have no reason to think that Velez's people know about you. We need to keep it that way. You can't take that risk by letting Alex stay with you." Elliot agreed.

Olivia sighed. "Well, at the very least, I'm staying with you as protective detail tonight because I'll be damned if you think I'm letting you out of my sight." Alex gave a half-hearted smile and nodded.

On their way out of the building, Donovan came out and assured Alex she would be safe; that worst case scenario, he would go to the judge, blow his cover, and testify if he had to.

Of course, within minutes, Donovan was dead after the SUV he got in exploded. It was enough to push Olivia over the edge. Alex appeared to be in shock and Olivia hoped that if anything at all came out of what just happened, it would be that Alex decided to back off and drop the case.

When they arrived at Alex's place, Elliot entered first and made sure everything was secure. He also made sure the protective detail cars were outside, as well as on Alex's floor. He was surprised to see an apartment full of moving boxes.

"Something you want to tell me?" He looked curiously at his partner and Alex.

"I put in a transfer from SVU a couple of months ago," Alex explained, still reeling from the events of the night. "It's the only way that Olivia and I could be out and open, like a real couple. We hadn't told anyone we're moving in together yet because Branch is still searching for a replacement." Alex had a sad look come over her face, suddenly realizing that the future she had hoped for with Olivia may not even be a possibility for her if she didn't survive this trial.

"Well, congratulations," he smiled at them. "This will all be over soon, and I'll be happy when you both can finally move forward."

"Me too, Elliot." Alex gave him a hug, but both of them noticed that Olivia had been surprisingly quiet since they left the courthouse and the explosion. They both looked at Olivia, and Elliot nodded to Alex.

"I think I'm going to get going and give the two of you some time to talk." Elliot left after checking again with the detail outside and giving explicit instructions not to let anyone in without his approval.

Alex turned to Olivia, who was still sitting in silence on the couch. Alex could see the tears forming in her eyes.

"Olivia, I know what you're thinking. I'm not dropping this case."

"Are you kidding me, Alex?!" Olivia exploded as she jumped off the couch. She couldn't believe what she just heard.

"No, Olivia, I'm not. Nothing has changed for me since last night."

"Everything has changed! Alex, they made a threat on YOUR life! They killed Donovan right in front of us!"

"And they still need to be brought to justice! Even more now!" Alex was the one pacing now like she was in a courtroom. Tonight, though, Olivia was not about to back down.

"What if the tables were turned, Alex? How many times have we had this exact same fight over my job? You know damn well you would be begging me not to do this!"

"And when has that ever stopped you?" Alex didn't yell it. She didn't say it with any emotion at all. She just put it out there, a matter of factly, and it stung Olivia.

"Don't you dare make this about me, Alex! No one ever made a direct threat on MY life. This is about YOU. YOUR life. And for the record, it has stopped me more times that you know." Alex gave her a confused look but continued with her argument.

"That's the thing, Olivia. It's not about either of us. It's about justice!"

"For who, Alex? Everyone is around this case is dead!"

"For who? What about Livia Sandoval? What about Donovan? Someone deserves to speak for them, don't you think? I mean, Livia was one of us. She was raped and murdered. If we can't seek justice for our own people, then what the hell are we even doing?"

"Alex, you don't need to die for this." Olivia was pleading now, tearing streaming down her face.

"And I don't plan on it, Liv. But I'm not going to roll over and let them continue to win because I'm scared."

"Alex..."

Alex finally sat down and took a deep breath. "Liv, I just keep thinking, what if it had been you? What if you were the one lying dead in that alley instead of Sandoval?"

"But it wasn't, Alex." Olivia sat next to Alex on the couch and took her hands into hers.

"But it could have been, Liv. And I wouldn't be able to live with that, so how can her family live with it? My God, Olivia, do you know how many nights I've had nightmares it was you that died that night instead of Matt? It could have easily been you." Tears were rolling down Alex's face now, as Olivia attempted to fight back some of her own. She didn't know about the nightmares.

"Okay, I get it, Alex. I really do understand what you're feeling. But Livia, Donovan, they made that choice."

"And I've made mine."

Olivia's heart dropped when she heard those words. She knew Alex was going to go through with it. She knew she could spend the night arguing until she was blue in the face and it wouldn't make any difference. Olivia was scared, terrified even, but she didn't want to fight with Alex; she just wanted to hold her and never let her go.

Olivia was still crying when she walked over to Alex and pulled her into a hug. They both sobbed into each other's shoulders for what seemed like forever before Olivia took Alex's hand and led her to the bedroom. They both sat on the edge of the bed and Olivia brushed Alex's hair behind her ear before gently kissing her.

Olivia laid Alex back on the bed and made love to her all night. It wasn't hurried, but it was passionate. The goal wasn't simply to make the other have and orgasm, but to express every ounce of love and emotion they had for each other. It was the most intimate moment either of them had ever experienced, both secretly fearing it could be their last time together.

When they finally finished making love early that morning, they both held on to each other; both were crying off and on, and both realized that no matter the outcome, life was never going to be the same for them.


	46. Chapter 46

A/N: I appreciate the review for the last chapters. These have been tough chapters to write. Coming up, we'll find out what was in the letter and the bag, and find out Olivia's decision about whether to go be with Alex or not.

* * *

CHAPTER 46

 _Gunshots._

" _Alex! No, no, no, no, no!"_

" _Someone call an ambulance. Call 9-1-1 now!"_

" _Alex, it's okay, Alex. Alex, look at me. It's okay, sweetheart, stay with me."_

" _Stay with me, Alex. They're coming right now. You're going to be okay. Alex, you're going to be okay."_

" _Look at me. You're going to be just fine. You're going to be just fine. Now, just stay with me."_

" _Alex, Alex, Alex, it's okay. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me."_

#

The SVU squad sat in the waiting room of the hospital. They had been there for hours, and what felt like days, when a doctor finally came out.

"Cabot family?"

Olivia got up and walked over with Elliot.

"Alex's family isn't here, they, well, they can't right now. I should be on her emergency contact list."

"I see. Ms. Benson?" Olivia nodded.

"Ms. Benson, Alex lost a lot of blood," he paused and took a breath. Olivia and Elliot saw the look on his face. They knew the look because they had had it on their own faces to deliver this kind of news. Olivia began to cry and didn't hear anything else he said for a moment.

"I'm very sorry for your loss." The doctor put his head down and walked away as Olivia's legs buckled from underneath her.

"I got you, Liv. I got you. I'm here." Those were the only words Elliot could say as he held up Olivia and hugged her, pressing her head into his shoulders to cry on.

Elliot looked back at the rest of their squad. They all had tears in their eyes and heads looking at the floor.

#

Inside the operating room, Alex was going in and out of consciousness. She could see a lot of people around here, but wasn't entirely sure what was happening. She heard beeping noises and lights. She closed her eyes.

When she opened them, the room was quieter and darker. She could see someone sitting in a chair in the corner, but she couldn't make out who it was. It was just a shadowy figure.

"Olivia?" Alex whispered, suddenly realizing she could barely talk.

"Ms. Cabot, we need to talk." It was Agent Jack Hammond. Alex just looked at him as he walked closer to her hospital bed. "An attempt was made on your life. You were shot, and while you're not entirely out of the woods, you are very lucky to be alive."

Alex took a deep breath but then regretted it as it hurt her chest. "Olivia?"

Hammon knew what she was asking.

"Detective Benson and Detective Stabler are fine. They saved your life."

Alex was processing what he was saying. She still didn't understand why he was in her room, and Olivia or any of her family wasn't.

"You're going to survive, Alex, but I'm going to be honest - if Velez finds out you're alive, he will try to kill you, or your family, again."

"We can take you into Witness Protection. In fact, I strongly recommend it because, for the time being, it's better off that Velez believes you are dead."

Alex gave him a look he had seen before - denial. It was never easy getting someone to give up their life, and their families, to enter WitSec.

"I know this is a lot to process, but we, unfortunately, have to move quickly. I know how stubborn you are, and that you don't think you need to do this. But listen to me - too many people have died. Next time, it may not be an attempt on you. It could be your parents, your brother, other people in your life that you care about. And trust me when I say that these people don't usually make mistakes. You are one of the lucky few who has survived Velez."

"Okay," she whispered.

"Just to be clear, Ms. Cabot. Everyone you know, and love will have to believe you are dead. And you will have to stay that way until Velez can be brought to justice whether by the courts or from an enemy." He paused for a moment, knowing what her questions would be. "We may tell your parents if you want, but you will not be able to see them or have any contact with them once this happens, except through the Marshalls."

Alex nodded again. "I'll do it." She couldn't bear the thought of being responsible for Velez killing her family or Olivia. As much as she was out of it, she knew this was the only way to keep them safe.

Hammond nodded and pulled out his phone. "She is on board. Please make arrangements."

Thirty minutes later, the doctor notified Olivia and SVU that ADA Alexandra Cabot was dead.

#

The next couple of days were a blur for Olivia. She went back to her empty apartment, looking around at boxes of Alex's stuff they had begun moving in. She talked to Alex's mom on the phone for hours. She wanted to see them, to be with them, and they wanted her there, too. But they had a house full of family and preparations for the funeral, and Olivia could barely move, much less be around a house full of people. They promised to see Olivia after the funeral and spend time together.

The night following Alex's death, Olivia showed up at Alex's apartment. She couldn't bare to be in her apartment any longer and think about the life there they almost had. She wasn't sure that Alex's apartment was going to be any better, but she wanted to feel something, to smell Alex's things, to try to have a moment of closure, even if she knew that would never happen.

Olivia wandered through the living room, picking up Alex's books, looking at photo albums, and going through the packed boxes sitting by the door.

She finally made her way into Alex's bedroom. She reached for something in the bag she had brought from home and put it on the bed as she laid next to it. She had a letter that she kept reading and re-reading. She knew every word of it. She had written it. She laid there with the letter and the contents of the bag, wrapped her arms around Alex's pillow, and spent the night sobbing.

She woke early the next morning, face red from crying, and in last night's clothes. She knew she couldn't spend another day alone, so decided to go to work. She pulled out the one outfit she had left at Alex's apartment; everything else had already been packed to go back to her place. When she was ready, she looked around Alex's bedroom one last time before leaving. She left the letter and the bag sitting on Alex's bed. She didn't know what she was going to do with it, but she knew she didn't need it anymore.

#

Later that morning, Olivia was sitting in the squad room, despite Cragen's objections to her being there. Her badge was sitting on her desk, a black mourning badge attached to hers, just like everyone else had. But Olivia had taken hers out that morning, the day before Alex's funeral. She wasn't sure if she could do this job anymore. It had taken everything that mattered to her in one instant. She figured it was only a matter of time before she or Elliot ended up dead, and she couldn't bear losing anyone else.

Cragen walked in and asked about another case they were working on.

"Oh, Benson, Stabler, Agent Hammond wants to see you tonight at this address. Something about closing out the case." Cragen handed them a note and went back to his office.

#

Olivia and Elliot were stunned when Alex stepped out of the black SUV.

"I'm so sorry about all of this." That was all Alex could say to the woman she loved standing in front of her.

Tears were falling down Olivia's face. Her heart leaped with joy. She couldn't believe Alex was alive, but she was confused all the same. "Your funeral is tomorrow."

"And you're both expected to attend," Hammond said from the background. "For the time being, Ms. Cabot is better off dead."

"Witness protection," Elliot said.

"How long?" Olivia wasn't even attempting to hide her tears at this point and didn't care who was around. She was relieved Alex was alive, but couldn't stand the thought of losing Alex again.

Alex just shook her head. "I don't know."

Olivia wanted to ask why and how Alex could leave her, or why she couldn't go with her. But she knew Alex would find a way to get a message to her. She knew exactly why Alex was doing this. It was to protect her family; to protect Olivia.

Alex stepped back into the SUV and Olivia and Elliot watched as they drove her away. Hammond handed a note to Olivia with instructions to not read it until she was home, and for Elliot to be there with her. For the second time in just a couple of days, Elliot pulled his partner to him and let her sob on her shoulders for the woman she loved.

#

Agent Hammond took Alex back to a safe house that night. They would be moving her once she was strong enough to travel, but it would be at least another day. Hammond was concerned about Alex, though. He knew she was angry with him.

The previous night, she begged him to let Olivia come into Witness Protection with her, or, at least, to be able to give Olivia the option. Hammond was sympathetic, but there was no record of them having a relationship. He couldn't risk her life for a girlfriend, someone she wasn't married to, or when he wasn't sure what their commitment to each other was.

" _Jack, trust me. Olivia and I are committed. I can't be without her."_

" _Well, I know you're not married, but are you engaged? Civil ceremony? Do you live together?"_

 _Alex shook her head no. "We were about to move in together once I could get a transfer from SVU."_

" _Alex, I know Olivia is important to you. But we can't risk it." Alex sighed. "Listen, give us six months. I'll get a message to Olivia, and if in six months you both want to do this, you can be together."_

" _Fine. But make sure she knows. And, I have to see her before you take me."_

 _He argued with her but eventually gave into her demands, setting up the meeting with Olivia and Elliot. Alex had also insisted Elliot be allowed to know she was alive because she knew that Olivia would need him._

Hammond could see Alex was still thinking about Olivia after their meeting that night.

"I gave her the note, Alex. She has instructions on what to do."

Alex nodded.

"Alex, you should know that partners sometimes can't handle this. Giving up everything is hard."

Alex just rolled her eyes at him.

"I'm not saying that's the case with Olivia. I just want you to be prepared, just in case."

"I don't need to prepare. I know Olivia will choose me." Alex said the words with confidence, but it was more for her own good than Hammond's. She wanted to believe Olivia would choose her, and she did, but there was still a part of her that wondered when it came down to it if Olivia really would be able to leave SVU; if Olivia really would choose her.

#

Hammond made sure Alex was safe and left the safe house. Alex was so sure about her relationship with Olivia, but he wanted to make sure before he made this kind of exception for them. He decided the place that would give him the most answers would be Alex's apartment. He had planned to go anyway to pick up a few important items to Alex for safe keeping in case she ever got out.

When he entered Alex's apartment, he saw that Alex was right. It did look like she was moving. He walked into the bedroom, to the nightstand where Alex said she kept her grandmother's necklace. Before he could look in the nightstand, he noticed something on the bed - it was a small bag and an unsealed envelope.

He looked at the contents of the bag and pulled out the letter that went along with it before reading it.

He finished finding the items for Alex, and left, taking with him the bag and envelope from the bed.

Plans had changed.


	47. Chapter 47

A/N: This is where the story ends, minus an epilogue that will come soon. Please let me know what you think, whether you loved it or hate it. This was my first fanfic full story, and I have some ideas for others. I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read, and especially those who have reviewed. Epilogue will be up soon.

* * *

CHAPTER 47

"Where are we going, Agent Hammond?" Alex was tired and in pain. She knew they weren't scheduled to move her until the following night, but here they were, in the cover of darkness, headed out to another discreet location similar to where she had seen Olivia the night before. Alex didn't like being kept in the dark, so the whole WitSec process for her had been a nightmare.

"Alex, you really are a pain in my ass. Just remember to thank me later."

Like the previous night, another black car pulled up to where Alex was. Hammond asked the driver to get out of the vehicle while another agent opened the backseat door opposite where Alex was sitting.

Olivia got in.

"Liv..." Alex leaned forward to hug Olivia but grimaced as she realized she moved too fast. "Jack, what is going on. You said six months. Olivia?"

"I also have no idea why I'm here...I got your message, Alex."

Before Olivia or Alex could speak, Agent Hammond cleared his through.

"This is highly unorthodox." He faced Olivia and Alex in the backseat and handed Alex the bag from her apartment, as well as the letter.

Olivia's eyes widened.

"I'll let you two have some privacy. Ten minutes." Hammond left the SUV and stood outside the door a few feet away.

Olivia began breathing heavily as Alex gave her a confused look while holding the bag. Olivia nodded for her to open the envelope. This was not how Olivia planned this, but at the moment, she didn't care.

Alex opened the letter, and Olivia was pretty sure she stopped breathing when Alex began to read it.

 _Dear Alex,_

 _I'm sitting in our living room, or what will be our living room soon enough, watching you curled up on the couch. You're writing opening arguments for court tomorrow, and you've never been more beautiful. It's a pretty typical night for us, and yet, it's perfect. It's how I want to spend the rest of my life, being with you and doing all the normal, everyday things that make up life, because you are my life, Alex._

 _Our life together has been anything but normal and everyday, and while we've made mistakes and have regrets, I've never for one second regretted us. I am in love with you, Alex. And I didn't just fall in love with you. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way. I think we are only fated in life to do the things we would choose anyway. And I'd choose you; I do choose you. In a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred different worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you, and I'd choose you._

 _I want to spend my life with you, and I'm hoping that you'll choose me, too._

 _Alexandra Cabot, will you marry me?_

Alex's eyes were filled with tears as she read the letter. While Alex was still reading the letter, Olivia had reached into the bag to pull out its contents. When Alex looked up, and their eyes met, Olivia opened the small black box that had been in the bag.

It was a ring.

Olivia was crying as hard as Alex now and her hands were shaking as she took Alex's hands in hers.

"Alex, this isn't how I planned this, but sometimes, there's no second chances in life. I can't lose you ever again. Will you marry me, Alex?"

Alex leaned in quickly and kissed Olivia passionately. She didn't even care how much pain she was in. "Yes, Olivia, I choose you, and I would choose you a hundred times over, so yes! Of course, I'll marry you, Olivia Benson!"

Olivia hugged Alex and breathed a sigh of relief. "I love you, too. And to answer your question, Alex, yes, of course, I want to go with you. Where ever you go, for however long, I want to be with you."

The women heard a knock the SUV door.

"I'm sorry, but we have to get going," Hammond said. "I know I told you all six months, but seeing as how I'm assuming things have changed now, I'll see what I can do to make it happen quicker. One month?'

They both nodded. A month apart wasn't ideal, but at least, they could be together, finally.

"Ms. Benson, I'll be in touch in a few days to go over all rules. It goes without saying that you can't share this information with anyone."

Alex sighed at Olivia having to give up everything as well, but Olivia squeezed her hand in assurance.

"I understand. I'll do whatever I need to do to be with Alex," Olivia said.

"Agent Hammond," Alex said. "Thank you."

#

"I'm happy for you and Alex," Elliot said when Olivia told the following day. She knew she wasn't supposed to tell anyone, but she could never leave Elliot without some explanation. She trusted him, and she knew Alex trusted him, too. "I mean, I'm going to miss you, and trust me when I say I'll do everything in my power to take down Velez so that you can come back here, but if this is it, then I understand."

"Thanks, El. And please, don't do anything stupid to get Velez. Let the Feds do their job."

"Don't worry, Liv. I won't. You're not going to have to worry about losing me, too." He hugged her. "You're the best partner I've ever had, Liv; you know that right?"

She laughed. "It's just because I'm the only one who could ever put up with you," she teased.

"That's true." He sighed. "But, I do love you, Liv. Please take care of yourself and Alex."

"I will. And besides, you still have another month with me."

Olivia got up when she saw Cragen head to his office.

"Good luck," Elliot told her as she walked toward the Captain's office.

"Captain, we need to talk." Cragen looked up from his desk when he saw Olivia come in holding some familiar papers.

Cragen just smiled. Olivia's mood had improved dramatically over the past few days. It was unusual, in fact, since he was well aware of her relationship with Alex. She expected her to be devastated for a while, and yet, she wasn't. That is unless...

"Olivia, go," Cragen spoke before Olivia could even tell him why she was there.

"What?" Olivia was confused as to what he was talking about. She was there to turn in her papers. She was leaving the NYPD and planned to move from the area. She couldn't handle being in the same place her and Alex had spent their lives. At least, that was her story.

"Give me some credit, Olivia. I know what those papers are for. And it's understandable. How long?"

"Thirty days."

Cragen nodded.

"We'll miss you, Liv. You always have a place in SVU."

"You, too, Captain. And, thank you."

Olivia got up to leave, but before she got to the door, Cragen walked over to her and stopped her. He whispered to her.

"Give Alex my love." He smiled when Olivia's mouth dropped open. Olivia didn't reply. She just smiled and nodded her head.

Olivia Benson was leaving SVU and had never been happier.

* * *

A/N: If you've read the book _The Chaos of Stars,_ you'll recognize part of Olivia's proposal letter to Alex.


	48. Chapter 48

A/N: THANK YOU so much for reading, reviewing, and giving feedback. I enjoyed this story, so I hope you did, too. And our girls finally got their happy ending. I've considered a second story to this down the road, but this story here is complete.

* * *

CHAPTER 48 - Epilogue

 _ **One Month Later**_

"So, this is goodbye, huh?" Elliot said as he dropped his now former partner off in front of her apartment one last time.

"I guess so, but hopefully not forever." Olivia smiled, but she wasn't sure that it wouldn't be forever.

"I have a feeling it won't be. But, Liv, if even if it is, you're doing the right thing." He placed his hand over Olivia's and squeezed it.

Olivia leaned over and hugged Elliot. He placed a kiss on her forehead before she reached to get out of the car. "Thanks, El...for everything."

Elliot smiled as Olivia closed the car door behind her.

#

The next day, Alex was pacing her new home in anticipation. Madison, WI is where she called home now. She had just received a job offer to work for an insurance company but still had two weeks before she had to start. She wanted to make sure that when Olivia finally arrived, she had time to get settled, and of course, for them to spend time together. She missed Olivia so much in the month they had been apart. They weren't allowed to have any contact during that time; Agent Hammond had insisted, and considering everything he had done for them, Alex didn't fight him on it, for once.

Alex went into the bedroom to straighten the comforter for the hundredth time. She walked into the bathroom and wiped down the sink...again. She checked the fridge to make sure she had food she knew Olivia liked. She was pretty sure she was going to go crazy if Hammond didn't arrive with Olivia soon.

Just as she finally decided to sit down, she heard a car pull into the driveway and she jumped up to run to the window.

 _It was her_! Olivia was finally there, and they could finally start their life together...even if it meant giving up their old lives.

As soon as Olivia and Agent Hammond got to the door, Alex flung the door open, pulled Olivia inside, and into a kiss.

Hammond shut the door behind him and cleared his throat. "So, do you think you can wait just a few minutes until I leave?"

Alex shot him a look and rolled her eyes. "Fine. But get on with it. Olivia and I have _plans._ " Olivia blushed at Alex's tone of the word _plans_.

Hammond raised his eyebrows and sighed before escorting them to the dining room table to finalize details. It took him about 45 minutes, which was about 44 minutes longer than Alex would have preferred, but she behaved, though mostly because of Olivia squeezing her hand every time she felt Alex begin to grow impatient.

Hammond finally left with a promise he would be in contact the following day. No sooner had Olivia said goodbye and closed the door behind him, than Alex had grabbed her and pushed her against the door.

Alex began kissing her. "You." _Kiss_. "Have." _Kiss_. "No." _Kiss_. "Idea." _Kiss_. "How." _Kiss_. "Long." _Kiss_. "I've." _Kiss_. "Been." _Kiss_. "Waiting." _Kiss_. "To." _Kiss_. "Kiss." _Kiss_. "You". _Kiss._

Olivia was flushed and smiled back. "Oh, I think I have a pretty good idea." She began kissing Alex back, moving down to her neck, and pulling Alex in closer to her. "Bed. Now. I don't want our first time in our new home to be against the door." She smirked and leaned forward to move Alex alway from her.

Olivia then looked back at the door. "Of course, our second or third time, I wouldn't be opposed to." She gave Alex a sly grin. Alex took her hand and led her to the bedroom.

When they came in, they could barely keep their hands and mouths off each other, but Olivia paused when she noticed the room. Candles were lit. Wildflowers were on the nightstand. Photos of the two of them in nondescript places were placed around the room. She also noticed for the first time since she got there that Alex was wearing the ring she gave her.

Olivia began to cry.

"Olivia, what's wrong? Did I do something?"

Olivia just shook her head. She was at a loss for words. Alex continued to ask questions.

"Liv, talk to me. Is this about leaving New York and SVU? Because I mean..." Olivia pulled Alex to her and kissed her. She knew what Alex was thinking. Alex was afraid Olivia felt like she made the wrong decision. And Olivia was right. All of those fears and doubts Alex had had for the past month were running through her head.

"Stop, Alex. I know what you're thinking, and no, that's not it at all. Quite the opposite." Olivia moved Alex over to sit by her on the bed.

"It's just overwhelming; all of this."

Alex nodded, she was pretty sure she understood. She felt overwhelmed when she first arrived a month ago.

"And I don't mean _this_ , being here in Witness Protection." Alex gave her a confused look. "I mean, literally this right now. Alex, it's perfect." She looked around the room before continuing.

"This place is brand new to me, and yet, you've made it feel like home, Alex. The pictures. The candles. The flowers. This is _our_ home, Alex. _Our_ future. And it doesn't matter that it's in Madison, WI, or if it was in New York. All that matter is that we're here, and we're together. I mean, you're wearing my ring and have agreed to marry me. I can't imagine anything in this world that could make me happier. So, that's why I'm overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed with happiness. I'm overwhelmed with you, Alex."

"Emily," Alex said while tears were rolling down her face.

Olivia looked at her confused for a moment before realizing what she meant. Alex was Emily now. Olivia was Jennifer now. She smiled and placed a gentle kiss on Alex's head.

"Emily. That will take some getting used to."

"It will, Jennifer," Alex smiled and leaned in close to Olivia's ear. "But promise me that when we're in here, in bed, I only want to hear you whisper Alex's name."

"I promise. And when I make you scream my name in a few minutes, make sure that you're screaming Olivia's name." Olivia gave Alex a sly grin and pulled her down on the bed with her.

"Well, at least, we don't have neighbors on the other side of the walls now," Alex laughed.

"And when has _that_ ever stopped you?" Olivia pushed their lips together, taking Alex in her arms and knowing that, finally, she never had to leave them.

"I love you, Alexandra Cabot. You were the best experiment of my lifetime."


	49. Author's Note

A/N: So if I excited everyone about an update to this story. Many have asked for a sequel, so I wanted to let you know that I plan on it once I finish up a couple I'm working on, and one I have in the fire (also A/O).

I liked this story a lot, so a sequel will come.

Also, changed my username to 'darkclocks' (just random, don't ask why). And the current A/O story I'm writing is "One Angry Judge." If you aren't reading it, and enjoyed this one, I think you'll like that one. It was supposed to be a short few-chapter story, but there was so much more to do with it, that I kept going.

Anyway, I appreciate all of you all reading and reviewing since this was my first attempt at fanfic. I means a lot. If you use twitter, or whatever, and want to share, I'd love it. Same username - darkclocks.


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